Hi, spirit is a bit down and needsome uplifing please..?

hi, have you women (and gentlemen) ever felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. Every night when the kids are in bed and my husband is working (he gets home about midnight) I feel extremely desolate and I go check on the kids and sometimes whisper to them how great they are even when I know they can't hear me just so I won't feel alone.

Yesterday I bought a book, a memoir, entitled The Glass Castle, I read it in its entirety until past midnight. Very good read. Well my husband came home and we are so distant at this stage that I force myself not to remember when we were so close and why we've grown apart. I've decided to do things for myself like learning to drive and taking classes but it's only gained me a bit more independance, not happiness.

When I was on the train I envisioned taking my kids to live in a countryside somewhere, where they could run and play through the land and see lush greenery. Instead they come home to an infested neighborhood.

Update:

I’m saving to leave, but the irony is that somewhere in that vision my husband “popped” in, and it felt wrong, like he shouldn’t be there. But the kids are completely crazy over him.

Anyway, sorry for the devastatingly long and dreary post, just want to know what you guys do when you feel this angst inside.

6 Answers

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  • Favorite Answer

    Hi Hope

    I think it might help to have a sit and talk with your husband. My favorite time for heavier stuff is Saturday mornings over coffee :). Maybe its time for your husband to try to get to a day shift... or at least the two of you could talk about it... in a calm easy way.

    About a couple years ago I worked from 6pm to 2:30am. The situation was such that I really had to take the job. I was only on that shift for a year. It was tough. I talked with my supervisor about the stress it was causing at home. eventually I got switched and me and the family are so less stressed.

    Could be that your husband is a little more "land locked" in terms of his schedule. Maybe if you tackled this problem together you could come up with a solution that works for you.Both of you.

    Good luck on this!

  • 1 decade ago

    What popped out at me in reading your post was you are 'forcing yourself to not remember when you were close and why you've grown apart'. This is what you SHOULD be focusing on, talking with your husband about and doing what you both can to get back to that closeness you once had. It is still there but hidden deep within the both of you. Raising children, working, the daily ups and downs in life will, sometimes, be placed above the relationship between husband and wife. That should never happen. Instead of running away and believing that will fix your life, try doing the things you did when you and hubby first were in love. Those little things that we tend to stop doing like telling each other how great they look, or you love their scent. Buying little sweet gifts to show how much you do appreciate each other; kissing them on the neck; whispering how desireable they are. All those things you have within the both of you but have buried.

    If you yearn to live in the country, let your husband know and why you feel this way. Reach out to him - you may be surprised at how he reacts as he may be having the same feelings and not know how to approach you with them.

    Good luck - you sound like a very loving person

  • 1 decade ago

    You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness. You need to look at the positives in your life. You have wonderful children, a home and a husband. I know that you say that you 2 are distant from each other but you can change this. I would suggest the following book:

    The Surrendered Wife.

    This book has saved my relationship. Read the book. Practice some self care. There are a lot of positives in your life, you just need to recognize them.

    Good luck! SMILE!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am sorry your life is not fulfilling you: you seem so lonely. At least you have taken the step toward fixing some of that by taking classes, etc.

    How do you see yourself: are you just someone's wife and Mum, or do you feel like an individual?

    Maybe you could do something you are really good at (write, draw,etc), just for your self and nobody else in those quiet times between kids bedtime and hubby coming home. Extend yourself and just take pleasure in being you.

    Please don't think I am not taking the weight of what you are saying: but sometimes simple pleasures can ease a heavy burden.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You are such a good mom...I just about cried when I read your question! Just remember, when one door closes another opens. What do I do when I feel like this? Pray...Pray that God's will be done and you come out of this a better and happier person.It may take some time but this time next year you will be in a better place...I will pray for you today. If you feel like venting e-mail me. :)

  • 1 decade ago

    There is nothing more lonely than being with the wrong person. Keep up the work to find more independance in your life. These changes may make you sad, but eventually you will find a peace and confidence in your life that you didn't know existed.

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