My husband has been keeping things from me.?

I recently found pot in his tool box out in the garage, so I confronted him about. He says he gets it from a guy at work, but he doesnt pay for it..first of all ...i do not believe that ppl just give away pot...but he says its favor for favor...I called him a liar for keeping the fact that he was a pot head from and he said he isnt a liar...he just didnt tell me and thats not the same as lying....in my book it is. Sometimes I get mad just looking at him...but he says that the pot just helps him relax. Granted he does work hard but it still makes me angry. And then today I was doing the banking online and I see that he spent nearly $40 at Outback last night. He took his Dad to the VA yesterday and I guess they decided they needed a treat. I'm not upset that he went to dinner w/ his dad..I'm upset that he failed to disclose the info...Do I even have a reason to be upset or am I just overreacting?

Update:

I havent said anything about the Outback thing to him yet....I would just like a tab on the money he spends....and he does spend alot.....I'm in charge of the finances so I would like a talley of his spending instead of finding out on my own..it would make managing the finances so much easier....do anyone understand where I'm coming from?

Update 2:

He says he doesnt do it everyday......but I teach a dance class in the next town 2 nights a week and I'm not home watching his every move..I just thought he was in the garage working on his bike that he's building.....

Update 3:

Yeah it may seem that I am overreacting..but if he gets busted w/ it or gets fired it doesnt just affect him but also myself and our children

18 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I guess that depends on how both of you normally handle things when either of you spends money. Do you each tell each other about every penny spent? If so, then I guess he should have told you. If not, then no, you shouldn't be mad...I would not be mad at my husband for spending $40.00 out with his father, unless your living paycheck to paycheck (like most people) and you needed that money for something else. The pot thing, I guess I would ask him what he is offering the other person to receive it for free. It is possible that they've worked something out.

  • Ms. M
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I'm sorry your probably not going to like my answer much but here it goes...I think you are overreacting about way too many things in your life...Finding a little bit of pot does not make your husband a liar or a bad person, and he may have gotten it the way he says he did. I work in health care and we prescribe it to a lot of people to keep them calm in fact I believe that the ONLY reason marijuana is not legal is because the government doesn't yet have 100% control of it {both tobacco and alcohol were illegal at one point in this country.}

    I don't think that treating his father to Outback was that big of a deal either, he works doesn't he? I mean it wasn't just your money was it? And he did go to the Outback right and not to some seedy topless bar?

    I can appreciate where some of this is coming from but like I said before I work in health care and everyday I see another woman come into the hospital where I work that is afraid to tell us that her husband beats her {and that she really didn't get that broken nose by falling down} because Lord knows if we press charges when he gets out of jail, next time we see her we'll be identifying her body.

    It's honestly kind of sad that you say you just get angry while looking at him for no reason...The best advice anyone can give you there is to just walk away...Your husband sounds like he's not that bad of a guy and I hope you realize it soon, for your entire family's sake.

    Funny I say the same thing the rest of them say and give a good reason for thinking but I get a thumbs down...Hmm.

  • 1 decade ago

    You're overreacting on both counts, and if you don't lighten the f*ck up about it, you're going to eventually lose him. No, really. Your control issues are probably one of the reasons he seeks solace in the Gentle Weed. (And yes, people do give away pot, and the relationship he describes is not uncommon). If finding the bag was the first time you knew about it, then obviously his use isn't a problem in your lives, and in almost all jurisdictions in the US the small amount you've named is, at most, a misdemeanor. Little worry there. It's actually a lot less psychoactive than a lot of the anti-depressants out there, so let the man have a toke on the sly if it helps him be a loving husband and father.

    As far as the financial stuff goes, my wife's controlling nature is one reason I opened up my own account, which I have purposefully neglected to tell her about. It's a small, passive-agressive way of me answering her desire to know every little detail of my life. If you're smart, encourage your husband to get an account on his own and then give him a weekly allowance. What he does with it is his business -- but you might be surprised. Last year our kids Christmas came from my secret account, to the utter mystification of my wife.

  • 5 years ago

    Is great to notify your husband, in particular any earlier fallacious doings that relates on your husband. But whether it is whatever you your self have performed earlier than you even recognise your husband, you can also probably depart it. For example, stealing that outcome you being thrown into prison whilst you had been a teenager. Well, if so is among you and your God. If you've got an excessively well dating together with your husband, you can also also be revered of your honesty. Pray honestly to God earlier than you procedure him. If after prayer, it nonetheless pricks your sense of right and wrong, is also you have got to style this out together with your husbands. Otherwise, it will restrict your sipritual development and your dating together with your husband. This is seeing that (AGAIN IT DEPENDS) your blanketed beyond sins whether or not it will represent as a cheat towards your husbands and is a finely divided line of being commited adultary. Consult your born-once more, God known as, God-fearing pastor if unsure. Remeber, whether it is whatever that particularly have got to style out and in case your face it, you're going to now not remorse. Otherwise, someplace alongside your existence, it will atone for you. May the Lord consultant you on this difficulty.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are overreacting about the dinner because you are already upset. Let that one go...the pot...well if its the smoking that bothers you you need to talk about it...if its the buying it I would believe his story. If you are upset that the drug isnt yours? I do think the pot situation warrants a conversation without you making judgements. But honestly...you think your husband should tell you every little detail of his life like where he went to dinner with his dad and how much he spent? Let that one go plz Good Luck

  • 1 decade ago

    He has to tell you every single thing??? If you go get your nails done or your hair done or something you like to spend money on thats not really important as a treat do you tell him? I'm sure you don't tell him every single thing you spend money on so why do you think you need to know every single detail.

    I think your overreacting, he works for the money and is entitled to enjoy it as well.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, if you yourself have not experienced the total relaxation of pot then, you can't bag him for it - I this $40 at the outback is nothing - And yes people in the world everday give pot to their friends. Perhaps he didn't share the herbs with you because you would over re-act, kinda like you are right now....

  • Quix
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    From reading your question I'm surprised he isn't stoned every day, I know I would be if I had to put up with a someone so control and over bearing. Freaking relax and join him for a joint out in the garage once in a while, you could use it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are overreacting over the Outback thing.

    You are not overreacting over the pot thing.

    Choose your battles wisely.

    I too highly doubt anyone is just giving him the pot. But regardless if they are or not, its still wrong. Its still illegal for him to have it. I would not want anyone just giving me something that is illegal, regardless what it is.

    Also the fact that some guy at work is suppose to be giving it to him, well he could be setting himself up to lose his job that way. I know where i work they would fire you in a heartbeat over that.

  • Amanda
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Well both of you need to know where the money is going. But I think you are overreacting a little.

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