Should I change how I deal with my mother?!?
My mother is a very pessimistic woman. She loves to put people down and insult others she knows nothing about. I do have a low-self esteem, and honestly, I blame her....She called me all sorts of things while I was growing up, it hurt for awhile..But then one day I woke up and said Im not dealing with this anymore. I started talking back to her, refused to listen to her, just became a tad too rebellious, so I backed off a little. I went to see a therapist for "anger management" and my father and some of my friends noticed a change, but she says I havent. I asked her to join me so we can discuss our issues(not to be a smartbutt), and she refused to go. Now Im at the point where she insults me and all I do is laugh at her, which pisses her off even further. Im not laughing as a means to not talk back, Im laughing because its getting pathetic. Her negativity has ZERO effect on me now, and if anything, shes pissing herself off by saying these dumb little remarks.
(continued)Also, I noticed that when I stay positive (smile, laugh, say something good about them) when someone is getting rude with me, it pisses them off even more.....Am I going about this the right way with my mother?!(and people in general?)
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Your mom sounds like a real winner. (NOT).
The old saying that people should respect their elders is bullshit in my opinion. If people should respect their elders does that mean a girl being molested by her father should still respect him?
Maybe thats a bit extreme to compare to your case, but your mother didnt respect you for years, now how can she expect you to respect her now?
It sounds like the anger problems you have all stem from how she treated you as a child.
The day she changes and starts showing you respect, then maybe you should change and do the same. Until then dont let it get to you.
- Paula DLv 41 decade ago
I have a mother the same way. What is worse, all she does is moan and groan, complain, life is horrible, nothing is positive, blah blah blah. It drives me insane. I work all day with this woman so I am around it all of the time. I am always a nervous wreck and in a bad mood...every day. I keep trying to tell myself that only we make us feel how we feel. I can sympathize with you. It really is terrible to say mean things to your own child. You can rest assured that it really had nothing to do with you. You didn't make her treat you the way she did. SHE has issues. You were just used as a punching bag. Actually, if you think about it, her treating you that way has had an adverse affect on you. You are strong. You went to counseling. You are getting your life on track. You can look at her and let her know you are better than her so her words mean nothing any longer. You may never get her into counseling with you. These type of people feel there is nothing wrong with them, it is everyone else. Keep your distance from her. Life is too short to be around people who bring us down. Good luck and keep up the faith!
- Anonymous5 years ago
wow! where to begin? i hope you wanted honest answers. first of all, you have already made the first step: moving the hell away. actually when i first started reading i thought you were teen-aged and still living at home (does that tell you anything). be grateful that you only have to spend holidays with these people. also, stop the chain of immaturity in your family, grow up and decide NOT to play the games (that's what they are). seems like maybe you have a bunch of attention starved (so they think) people in your immediate family. you have to realize that your mother is a PERSON, and that maybe things happened in her life that would cause her to act in such a way (tho, my guess is that she has seen it work to her advantage so many times that she sees no reason to stop). try to think from her point of view; what advantage does she have by turning her children against each other? figure out the answer and then stop catering to her. if the bad attention stops, maybe you could try giving her a little good attention. like telling her you appreciate all the effort she put into raising you and your siblings or a telling her you love her. in short, people act how they have been allowed to act, and they will continue to act in those ways until some one tells them that they cannot do it anymore. hope that wasn't too harsh and that it helps a little.
- Dimitar ALv 41 decade ago
I think that you are going about this the right way.
Your mom has some mental problem. My guess is very low self esteem. So putting people down makes her feel good about herself. I can almost bet that her mother or father was doing the same to her as she is doing to you. So she feels she needs to put people down to feel good about herself.
As far as the other people, you are doing the right thing. I do the same same thing. Life is too short to get pissed off because of other people.
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- 1 decade ago
my mom was the same way with me my whole life up to a few years ago. i will always love My mother no matter what! but, I've learned to accept her for who she is. i've also learned that i'm in control of ME & MY actions, & keep working on being a better person. it really use to hurt me, i used to cry to my dad asking him why my own mother treats my so bad. all he could say was: i don't know baby. in time your heart will heal. just never stop loving your mother! accept the things i can not change and the wisdom to know the difference...
- BikerChickLv 71 decade ago
YOU had the BEST kind of therapist there is, and WOW HAVE you CHANGED!! RIGHT ON!!
I had to learn to be the way you are right now, by myself (with the help of many good books) and it WORKS!
I learned that you CANNOT change other people, but you CAN change yourself - if people are SMART, they notice, and the HECK with those who refuse!!!
BE HAPPY AND STAY STRONG!! NEVER let the TURKEYS bring you DOWN!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
this sounds really saddening.
why not you go and talk to her again, and this time, be patient, soft, like you never was before?
see how she reacts and if she still insults or scolds you, ask her the reason. i guess you have to do this if you want to improve your relationship with her. it may not be you at fault, but sometimes she may have setbacks which she keeps to herself, resulting in her unbalanced temper.
all the best!
- LadyAnisLv 41 decade ago
every mother loves their kids. maybe your mum having a depression. you try to find out what makes her behave like that. dint ever be rude to her. she needs a "slow talk". in this case, your father must take the responsibilities.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I've got $5 that your mother is clinically depressed.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Your tactics are working. Keep it up.