How do I tell my husband he is overweight?
My husband has got to lose some weight, and get into shape! It is getting so bad that I am just not that physically attracted to him anymore. I tried setting a good example by going to the gym, and I started cooking healthier meals. I've asked him to join me at the gym, go for walks, play tennis, organize volleyball games, etc. He is just not interested. I don't expect him to look like Brad PItt, but I'd really like to see him take more interest in how he looks, and take better care of himself. This is a problem for me and I don't know how I can tell him so without hurting his feelings. Any advice?
- ?Lv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
just tell him no sex until he does something about it...
- EazyBreezyLv 41 decade ago
Plain old simple communication is what I always recommend. You can say what you need to say without being harsh or critical and make sure to notice if/when he is getting overly defensive, stop the conversation until a later time, when he can be receptive and really listen to what you are saying. Make sure you mention the fact that you are getting to the point of not being attracted to him anymore but also throw in the fact that you are worried about his health and would love to spend more time with him doing things that will keep you both healthy.
I am sure he knows that he is overweight and that you are trying to change your lifestyle. Most people are ok with the 'status quo' and don't like to be pushed by other people to do what they don't want to do or something they think is just too hard, so expect some resistance.
Best of luck to you both.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. He may have a depression issue as that causes inactivity or a stress issue too. I'd suggest some sort of couples therapy on the subject.
On the flipside, though its your responsiblity to love him unconditionally and that includes his looks. If he got disfigured in an accident tomorrow would you leave him? Of course not. You need to find an attraction in him regardless of his weight, as you age and your looks change he will have to find that same attraction in you.
Whatever you tell him, tell him with love. Motivate him to want to take care of himself more, do not nag him. There is a subtle difference in those two and we often do not see it as women.
Sexuality for men is a great motivator, perhaps use your intimacy as a carrot for his weight loss. Do not withhold intimacy from him but make it even better for him if he accomplishes some goals etc. Most husband's have fantasies that are unfufilled, find out what his are and use those as motivation.
- Austins MomLv 61 decade ago
Tell him that you are concerned for his health, and that you want him to be healthy so that you can have a long happy marriage together.
You have taken the right steps in cooking healthy and being a positive role model in working out. Get him involved, let him know that his health is important. AND it should be about his health NOT his looks. I know that some people can't get past the appearance of others, and please don't take this the wrong way, but it is a bit shallow that you are so focused on his looks. AND if you make it about his looks when encouraging him, he may take offense to it, because as his wife you should love him regardless.
Make a health conscious choice to do things together. If this is a marriage, then you should be able to sit down and be honest and talk about anything. BE HONEST, with out being shallow.
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- 1 decade ago
You should be able to talk with your husband and explain your feelings about his weight. Tell him the truth, I also have a husband who's overweight, for us we have a very strong marriage and I explained to him the health risks, told him I wanted him to be around for many more years so that we could do things together. This seems to have motivated him and now he's trying to lose the excess weight. Just be supportive and loving, tell him all the reasons you married him, if that doesn't work he might really need a wake up call. Good Luck
- mt75689Lv 71 decade ago
Just tell him how you feel. Not in an angry and accusatory way, but gently, and out of love. Most men that I know prefer straight talk. We don't particularly like the back door approach that our wives try to use on us. You guys seem to spend so much time and energy in trying to manipulate a situation, only to have your efforts miss the mark.
"Honey, because I'm your wife, and because I love you more than anyone else in this world, I want to tell you something that is for your own good. I hope that you can appreciate how hard it is for me to say this to you, but you deserve to hear the truth. The truth is that your weight is really starting to bother me, and it hurts me that you don't seem to care about yourself enough to do anything about it. I've done everything I can think of to help you take more interest in a healthier lifestyle, but you haven't shown any interest, and I don't understand why. I don't expect you to be perfect, but I want to find you attractive. To be really honest with you, that's becoming difficult to do, and I fear that unless you do something about it, it's only going to get worse."
This communicates that you love your husband, that his weight is making him unattractive to you, and that you'd like him to do something about it. If you're afraid to say these things yourself, then have a friend or someone he respects say them for you.
- tjnstlouismoLv 71 decade ago
Telling someone that they are fat and you aren't turned on anymore is never going to work. I think you need to look at why this happened? Is he stressed at work? Is he depressed?
Sounds like you just started cooking healthier meals, maybe you should be alittle more patient. Usually when people lose alittle weight they get motivated to start moving. If he's sitting in front of the computer or tv when you go out the door for that walk, then you need to turn those off and take him by the hand and tell him you want to talk to him about something. Then just start talking about your day or something that is going on, don't talk about his weight.
This is the man you love and you promised to love regardless of his physical appearance. Take some time.
- ♦justme♦Lv 61 decade ago
Tell him he needs to get into shape, but make it more about him and his health. If most of his extra weight is in his belly, it increases his risk of stroke and heart attack. You should love him regardless of his weight, but being concerned for his health is a genuine concern. Then you can throw a little incentive in there at the end by pointing out that once he's in better shape, he'll have more energy for some night time activities. (any time activities, but you know what I mean)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
He has to want to lose weight too in order for this to work. Hopefully his health and you are enough to make him want to. I would just be completely honest and tell him all the health risk of being overweight, Im sure he doesnt want to die, so going the healthy scare tactic way is what I would do.
- St.AngerLv 41 decade ago
Having lost 70lbs and keeping it off for 5 years I can tell you that nagging him won't help. if anything it will make things worse. Losing weight is not about dieting it's about changing your perception of food and understanding how you body reacts to diiferent foods.
He needs to understand this and it needs to come from him not have it imposed by someone else.
If I did it anyone can because I will 0 will power with regards to self indulgences.
- JadeyOzLv 51 decade ago
HOW many times are you going to ask? and how many time's do you want to be told , cook him healthy meal's , chicken /fish , salads, water vegetables , go for walks blah blah blah.