A hippie gets on a bus and proceeds to sit across from a Nun in the front seat. Through her heavy headpiece he just spots a glimmer of her face. She's gorgeous! She moves, and her vestments
cannot hide the fact she also has a truly phenomenal body. The hippie gets more and more excited until he finally approaches the nun and says, "Sister, I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I'm very attracted to you. Can we get together some time?" The Nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way the bus driver says to the hippie,
"If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "With your long hair and beard," said the bus driver "you could dress in white robes, tell her you're Jesus and command her to have sex with you."
Well the Hippie decides to try this out, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, wearing a hooded white robe. "I am the Son of God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer
them but you must have sex with me first." The nun is flabbergasted but says she will concede to his wishes with one condition - she asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about going to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his hood and shouts out, "Ha-ha, I'm the hippie!!" The nun replies by whipping off her hood and shouting, "Ha-ha, I'm the bus driver!!"
A ventriloquist is walking in the country, when he comes upon a farmer and his dog standing at the side of the road. He stops and they exchange greetings. The ventriloquist is bored from walking alone for so long, so he decides to have a little fun with the farmer. "Would you mind if I spoke with your dog?" he asks the farmer. "Are you stupid or somethin'?" ?" the farmer says incredulously, "Dogs can't talk!" "Well, I'll give it a shot anyway," the ventriloquist replies. He bends down by the dog and says, "How ya doin' there, dog?" He then does the voice of the dog without moving his lips and says "Oh, I'm doin' fine." The farmer is flabbergasted. The ventriloquist proceeds to have a pretend conversation with the dog, asking him how the farmer treats him, where they go for walks, etc. When he's finished, they walk up the path to the farm and go to the stables. "Mind if I talk to your horse?" the ventriloquist asks.
"You can talk to horses, too? Well, shoot, I guess I don't mind..." answers the farmer. Again, the ventriloquist has a conversation with the animal, asking him how often the farmer takes him out riding, how often he is fed, etc. Then they walk out of the stable towards the fields. The ventriloquist spies a herd of sheep in the pasture. "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" he asks. The farmer turns bright red and stammers, "Them sheep ain't nothing but liars, every single one of 'em!!!"
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response, "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The Englishman turns to the 2nd &says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
Sally runs crying into the office. "What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol. "It's my boyfriend," gushes Sally, "He was working on the engine of his car when the hood came down and cut off his finger!" "My God," shrieks Carol, "did it amputate his ‘whole’ finger?" "No thank goodness," sniffs Sally, "but it was the one right next to it!"
SURELY U WILL LIKE ONE OF THESE 3-4 JOKES...?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Hehe, the nun one made me laugh, I may have to re-tell to my Dad!
- Anonymous1 decade ago