The Idiot awards?

HANDS-DOWN WINNER OF THE IDIOT CORPORATION AWARD! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. (Let that be a lesson to him!)

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. (No one ever said you had to be "smart" to be a cop.)

NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PLANNED OUT WELL...NOT! An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. (Maybe he should have pretended to have a brain!)

WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY...READ THIS Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $1,270,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year, "said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..." (...hmmm, could this be the Illinois guy?)

NOW THIS IS WHAT I CONSIDER A DEDICATED CROOK! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. (Wonder if he paid himself time and 1/2 for the overtime?)

FOOT IN MOUTH...UP TO THE KNEE! Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" (Turns out, the witness was Blonde and didn't pick him!)

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Banks should keep Monopoly money on hand for these bright crooks.)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.�

    The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy ****, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

    The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy ****! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

    So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ***, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

    ------------------------------...

    A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pass two squirrels having sex. The little boy asks his mom, "Mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then they pass two dogs having sex and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich. A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said "Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, Mommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"

    ------------------------------...

    A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about *****, and their *****. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a *****?"

    The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a *****." the son then asks "What's a *****?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a *****."

    The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a *****?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says "Son, this is a *****!"

    The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a *****?"

    The dad replies, "That's everything outside the circle!"

    ------------------------------...

    Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep.

    When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

    The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."

    "That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?"

    The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."

    "That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"

    The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."

    -----------------------------

    This little girl walks over to her grandmother and asks "Granny, can you show me a magic trick?" "No dear, but I think your grand father knows one." So the little girl walks over to her grandpa and asks "Grandpa, granny says you know some magic tricks, could you show me one?" The grand father looks at her, "Sure, just hop on my lap!" So the little girl jumps on his lap. "Now, can you feel a finger poking up your ***?" asks the grandpa, "Yeah" replies the girl "Well look, no hands!"

    ------------------------------...

    Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times"

    ------------------------------...

    What am I? I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in 'n' out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. Cleaning is usually done after I am. What am I? Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush! What were you thinking, you pervert?

    -----------------=-----

    3 highscool guys and a girl where late for school the for school. the first guy walks in the teacher asks "where were you?" he says "Ontop of Blueberry Hill" 2nd guy walks in teacher asks "where were you?" he anwsers "ontop of blueberry hill" then a 3rd guy walks in teacher asks "where were you?" he anwsers "ontop of blueberry hill". THEN a new girl walks in class. teacher asks "Whats your name?' she anwsers "Blueberry Hill"

    --------------------

    One day there was a poor little girl. Her mother didnt have any money to buy her underwear. One day the little girl was wearing a little dress and playing up in a tree. A priest walked by and looked up, concerned he called the little girl down and said: "Little girl take this $100 and go buy you some new underwear and a pretty dress."

    The little girl ran home and told her mother what happened.

    Seizing the opportunity, the next day the mother was up in the tree without any underwear.

    The priest walked by and called her down and said:

    "Heres $2 go and buy yourself some razors!"

    --------------------

    A boy came in the bedroom to see his mother on top of his father. When his mother spotted her son, she quickly got up and went to talk to her son. Her son asked, "Why were you on top of Daddy?" His mother says, "Well you know how your father has a big tummy? I was trying to flatten it out." Her son then responds,"Well you're just wasting your time." His mother asks, "Is that so?" He replies,"Whenever you're gone, the neighbour next door comes and gets on her knees and blows it back up again." Get it? LOL

    --------------------

    Kissing Is A Habit

    ******* Is A Game

    Guys Get All The Pleasure

    Girls Get All The Pain

    10 Minutes Of Pleasure

    9 Months Of Pain

    3 Days In The Hospital

    A Baby Without A Name

    The Baby Is A Bastard

    The Mother Is A Whore

    This Woulda Never Happend If The Rubber Hadn't Tore!!

    --------------------

    Roses are red

    Grass is green

    Open your legs

    And I'll fill you with cream

    --------------------

    Sex is good

    Sex is fine

    Doggy Style & 69

    Just for fun

    Or gettin paid

    Everyone likes gettin laid

    --------------------------

    Sex is evil

    Evil is a sin

    Sins are forgiven

    So stick it in!!!

    -----------------------

    a priest had a young ****(male hen) and cared very much for it. One day the **** was missing and the priest was very sad. after having searched the **** with no results, he decided to ask others to search it. Next day in sermans, he asked

    does any body has the ****?

    All males stood up.

    No -No, I want to know have any body seen the ****?

    All the females stood up.

    No-No, does any body seen my ****?

    All the nuns stood up

  • 5 years ago

    What is this "nature" you think does the driving? Earth is continually illuminated with 173 petawatts of sunlight. If you take a greenhouse gas like CO2 and and double it, you are going to affect how that amount of energy flow behaves. Man is putting the boots to that energy flow by dumping a million kilograms/second of CO2 into the atmosphere and an enormous amount of heat is being retained where it wasn't before. I'd say you were somewhat uninformed.

  • 1 decade ago

    Awesome!

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    l pity those idiots. lol

    Great! Good stuff.

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  • 1 decade ago

    haha

  • 1 decade ago

    very good

  • Amy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    and?

    (srry, it was just too funny, star)

  • 1 decade ago

    did you win..sorry its good

  • 1 decade ago

    whecks?...damn...those are good!!

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