Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Do you think that God can have plans for people in an impossible marriage?

My husband didn't trust me when we got married b/c his first wife cheated on him. He made me sign a prenuptial and he told me repeatedly throughout the marriage that I was going to have to suffer for the rest of my marriage with him b/c of what his first wife did to him. He was very selfish with me, he bought his groceries and I bought mine. He got more and more distant to me. The last three years we stopped sleeping together. I was out of work for a while and he put so much pressure on me that I went out of town to live with my children to find work. When I found work, my boss and I fell in love immediately. I never in my entire life have had such a strong love and attraction for anyone. He says the same about me. But for some reason, sometimes I so wish that I could be in love with my husband. I do love him as a person. He has made strong effort to make things right. He burned the prenup and he signed a notarized statement voiding it. I have tried for the past 3 yrs to love him again


I have tried for the past 3 yrs to love him again. I do love him as a friend but I have no sexual feelings AT ALL for him. I always only feel sorry for him. I cannot for the life of me forget how this other man made me feel. He had no hang ups about sex like my husband does and he gives me his love freely, holding nothing back. How can I possibly ever make my marriage work again? I did feel some desire for him when I was with him in the beginning but NEVER like what I have for the other man. I know it is horrible to have weakened to that point. I have always been able to turn down temptation before but I never have had these circumstances before. I know beyond a doubt that it will take a miracle from God for me to ever feel the kind of feelings that I should feel for my husband.

Update 2:

I have not seen the other man for over two years. He lives 250 miles away near my children. My husband had gotten so paranoid that he started taping my phone conversations and put a key logger on my computer. He started making threatening phone calls to a very nice "girl" friend that I had met on the internet. We had talked about me coming to visit her and my husband started having his son to call her to threaten her. I am separated from my husband now, staying with my sister a few miles from my husband. We have been separated for two weeks and we are beginning to talk some. We have a lot of Christian friends praying for us. With God anything is possible. But without him, sure failure is bound to happen especially in a mess of a marriage that we have had.

Update 3:

I keep forgetting who I am dealing with. My husband has a history of taping phone conversations. My daughter's husband found the key logger on my computer. He has a computer business and he downloaded all of my files and he found out that he definitely did have a key logger on program on my computer. My husband denies everything so nothing can go beyond that.

Update 4:

I honestly want what God wants. He will have to be the one that helps us. The main reason that I wanted it to work is b/c I thought we were going to minister together. We had a mutual friend that encouraged me stating that she saw in the spirit that we would have a healing ministry and that many souls will be saved b/c of it. It will indeed be a miracle to have the love and patience to stick it out with this man.

God, you are the one that gives us the wisdom and strength to do what you require of us. Dear Lord, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Update 5:

We will have our 12th wedding anniversary this month. We "dated" for almost 7 years before we married. He drug his feet before and after the marriage. I wanted to marry him b/c he was the faithful type at least but I didn't know that it was so easy for him to do without sex. It is easy to be faithful when you don't have much need for affection. He acts like he needs it now...only b/c I wrote him a letter right before I left him 3 years ago stating that he had no need for affection. I almost feel that everything he does is like he is acting out all the changes that I said that I wanted. He acts as though he is more concerned about preventing prostate problems instead of needing lovemaking. Many problems... God will have to supernaturally intervene for me to stay with this man.

7 Answers

  • Favorite Answer

    Maybe god put a brain in your head so you could figure out when to LEAVE

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You can't force yourself to be "in love" with your husband again. Sounds like you may be having guilt feelings for your actions. It is understandable to have those feelings for someone else when your husband was not able to give you what you needed at that time, being physical and emotional. You have two choices: DECIDE to work it out with your husband, meaning do what it takes to get that feeling back and forget about your affair, or it is time to move on. DO some inner work as to your personal reasons WHY you strayed, instead of communicating to your husband what you needed. And yes, God has a plan. Learn from your mistakes and why you took the action. Don't blame yourself or your husband.........LEARN to be able to a better person for it.

  • 1 decade ago

    What a quandary lady. I was there. My first cheated on me, even on our wedding day. We were not unlike you and yours but God. and there is the thing. All things are possible with God but only if you both want it and both WORK at it together. YOu have deep feelings that you must work through. I sense one thing, your hubby didnt realize until it was tolate his mistake adn now he wants you back. He has shown signs of repentence or remorse or is he pushing you buttons? Only you can know this. The only right answer lies in your heart and if you are strong enough to make it work. If you try you will fail. You either do it with all your heart or don't even try. Prayer always helped me. PS I ended up in a quick divorce, moved on and married again. This time for the past 25 years.

    Source(s): Been ther done that! Hurt like heck!
  • 1 decade ago

    You left your house took your kid's and started an affair with your boss , your husband made you sign a pre-nup because his 1st wife cheated (explains why you cheated right ? WRONG) , I think you are 1 very confused individual and your better off filing for divorce and getting on with the stupid affair you started , god aint gunna help you seriously.

    You dont love him , you have no physical attraction to him so why bother unless your just after the money and this was your way of getting it hey.who knows we only have YOUR side now dont we lol.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, without the other man in your life you would be able to focus on your husband. If you would stop the adulterous relationship perhaps you could start "dating" your husband again and find what made you love him to begin with. You will never be able to regain your marriage with the other man in your life.

  • 1 decade ago

    If your husband treated you that badly BECAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE"S BEHAVIOR, why did you marry him? The pre-nup may be fair enough, but to punish you for HIS past mistakes isn't fair at all.

    If you haven't been sleeping together, and don't even live at the same place, why don't you get a divorce, and get on with the rest of your life?

    If the feeling isn't there (and how can it be, when his behavior killed it?), what are you hanging on to?

  • 1 decade ago

    You shouldn't have gotten married then. You dug yourself into a hole.

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