Talking With Parents?
I'm 20 years old and I am fearful of talking with my parents. They are good parents, but they have no probleming addressing their problems with me. However, when ever I have tried to voice a concern or opinion, they make me feel bad or feel that I'm going to be kicked out or maybe even hit or yelled at by my father. Anyway, I bottle everything up and I tried to tell my mother my feelings and it turned into a problem. I'm a straight A college student and I respect my parents. However, I have a 12:00 curfew and 10:00 pm on weekdays. I live at home and go to college. I had been accepted into 2 universities prior to this, but they didn't support me and talked bad about the schools I was going to every single day and then came the talk about not having any money to send me(so why allow me to fill out the application) and then my father brags about his 6 figure salary.
I wanted to go away to college and they just tried to keep me here at a college where I didnt want to go and still don't ant to be at, for whatever selfish reasons they had. Then, comes the issues with the car. Nearly 3 years ago, I was supposed to get a new car. They went to the dealership and 2 hours later came back with a car for my mother and I was told that I was getting her old car. There is nothing wrong with her car, but what upset me was their inability and lack of respect for me. We had talked about getting myself a new car for about a year. My opinion and feelings are completely disregarded in this home. So I tried to approach my mother about this lightly, thinking she would understand. Now she is mad and she started crying. I was nice, but I feel like I can't say anything. She was trying to go against everything that I said. I just wish it wasn't like everything I feel is wrong or I feel scared of them when they are the ones I feel wrong. What do I do?
My parents have the money, however, they weren't ready for me to go. But it's not about them. Everyone has to go and I was ready to go a while a go and I wanted to go to college. Both of their parents let my mom and dad go to college and live in a dorm. Why were they selfish to me? That's not very fair, you know?
- just meLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
You are 20 years old and could still be hit by your dad? That is NOT normal. My father spanked me until I was 17 years old. I only found out from a friend that this WASN'T a normal thing. I went to school with bruises and she flipped. She told her mother and her mother called social services. The beatings stopped after this.
I had a scholarship, too...but at 18 years old after a lifetime of overprotective and abusive treatment I was beaten totally down mentally. I went into a lifestyle I never should have been in...partially because my choice and partly because of my harsh upbringing finding myself having to sneak to do anything outside of work at a job or work at home. I didn't have a curfew. Because I wasn't even allowed to go anywhere. I had a phone curfew at 18 years old. It was 10:00. In order to do anything at all I would end up lying about how late I had to work...and when you lie you have to hide. And when you hide you end up in places that you shouldn't have gone to in the first place. I ended up pregnant and got married at 18 and did not go on to college...I missed out on my childhood. I never really had one...And I was very intelligent...I had a lot of potential.
My story may show you that things may be hard but they could be a lot harder. But what I intended to show you is that you have one life to live. Live it. Your parents may mean well and I'm sure that they do. But if you could still be hit by your father you are not in a good situation. You should be very proud of yourself for the grades that you make. What an accomplishment! But is it possible that you could obtain employment and get your own apartment? You are certainly old enough to do this...perhaps even take on a roommate? Your comment that you bottle everything up is not good...that you are "fearful" of talking with your parents is even worse.
If you think you couldn't maintain your grades and live on your own, you may want to just take that chance talking to your parents. Their curfew is not totally unreasonable. But being hit is unreasonable at your age. It is the hitting that concerns me the most.
Good luck to you...I hope I have been able to help in some way.
- lichtenbergerLv 45 years ago
I feel "natural" is a particularly unlucky phrase to make use of on this query. Normal is a environment on a bathing desktop. As a ways as relationships cross, natural is extra approximately what works and what does not paintings than what's "usual." My neighbor down the avenue is 50 years historical and she or he talks to her mother a few occasions an afternoon and constantly has. She's a pleasant neighbor however, I'm now not so definite she has a principally healthful courting together with her mom -- now not centered on the truth that she talks to her so in general however, almost always I feel she's stricken in a few methods. I feel the phrase "will have to" does not belong on this query both. It is going extra via what works for the 2 of you and what turns out immoderate or now not ample. There's not anything "improper" with sharing plenty of time and vigour and intimacy among mom and daughter, if that works good for either one of you. However, maybe one among you desires extra space than the opposite and does not know the way to get it inside healthful limitations. There's not anything "improper" with speakme approximately how a lot you wish to speak to one another! Try to concentrate to one another and are available to a collectively respectful expectation approximately how in general you probably wish to be anticipated to talk to one another. You can constantly regulate it relying on instances however, if one among you desires to speak two times an afternoon and the opposite desires to speak two times a month, you're having harm emotions among you unnecessarily. Good success.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Sometimes its hard talking to parents, regardless of age, because you feel like in some way you will hurt them even if its the truth. I once got an advice from one of my friends mothers telling me that I should write them a letter. Don't in anyway be disrespectful, but let them know how you feel. Apologize in advance if it hurts their feelings. oh...Maybe, its not so much that they cant afford to send you to those other colleges, maybe they know they will miss you. I know if I was a parent, I'd miss my child.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It is never good to bottle in your feelings, it can make things worse and you sick. I can tell you what my friend did in a very simular situation. She went and got scolorships and finalcal aid to help pay for her schooling. She does work to pay rent with a room mate, so it is taking longer. She couldn't handle being there. She is now graduating from SF in the spring. Six months after her schooling is finished she will have this loan to pay off. But she said its worth it, "i went to the school i choose, lived with out putdowns and curfues, and I am happy."