easy 10 points for english speaker/literature major?

Anyone can get ahead in America if she or he work hard enough. Do you agree? Why or why not

Here is what I wrote:

My mother always said “Work hard is a key to success” and I am agree with her. However, I am partly agreed that any one can get ahead in America if she or he works hard enough”

The success also has to depend on a person view point. Often, when I heard a sentence that says “he is a successful man” I often think it mean “He is a rich man”. In a society that too influence in capitalism, success mean rich, power, something more about material and solid. However, the Merriam Webster dictionary main definition for success is favorable desire or outcome. People were forgetting the real meaning of success- reach to a goal one want.

If a question is given out: Which one has more money, a farmer or a business man? Eight out of ten would answer the business man. Obviously, physical hard working is not enough to bring the farmer wealthy and richness. The business man with his brain and know how to employ it in the right way, right time could make a fortune that the farmer never ever dream of.

In other hand, even though the business man make more money than the farmer. He may not ever feel he is rich. He will try harder, use all his skill and talent to expand his business. He may not feel scarified until he is as rich as Bill Gates. He would never seems himself as success and always try to looking forward for a new ambition.

Compare to the business man, the farmer might not have a brand new car, a Victoria house and taste gourmet dishes in a deluxe hotel but then he is happy with his life. His family are important than everything. He feels he is success because he has a house to live, have a job to work, have a family to come back home after a long day in the field.

I want to point out that because in my personal opinion I think that every one needs to work hard in order to become useful for the society they live and for their own good, but to be success have to let themselves decide.

Update:

My teacher require to give my perspective, what lead I think about this view and my understanding of the connection between two things. Did my essay cover all of the points. In my essay is it has any bad grammar?(plz fix it). Any suggest to make it better?

10 points for best answer

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    See my edits between <>:

    Anyone can get ahead in America if she or he work<s> hard enough. Do you agree? Why or why not<?>

    Here is what I wrote:

    My mother always said “Work<ing> hard is a key to success” and I <OMIT am> agree with her. However, I <replace "am partly agreed" with "partly agree"> that any one can get ahead in America if she or he works hard enough <OMIT ”>

    <OMIT "The"> <replace "success" with "Success"> also has to depend on a person<'s> view point. Often, when I <replace "heard" with "hear"> a sentence that says “he is a successful man” I often think it mean<s> “He is a rich man”. In a society that <is> too <replace "influence in" with "influenced by"> capitalism, success mean<s> <replace "rich" with "wealth">, power, <replace "something more about material and solid" with "and material possessions">. However, the Merriam Webster dictionary<'s> main definition for success is <">favorable desire or outcome<">. People were forgetting the real meaning of success- <to> reach to a goal one want<s>.

    If a question is <replace "given out" with "posed">: Which one has more money, a farmer or a business man? Eight out of ten <respondants> would <probably> answer the business man. Obviously, physical hard <replace "working" with "work"> is not enough to bring the farmer <replace "wealthy" with "wealth"> and richness. The business man with his brain and know how to employ it in the right way, <and> right time could make a fortune that the farmer never <OMIT ever> <replace "dream" with "dreamt"> of.

    <replace "In" with "On the"> other hand, even though the business man make<s> more money than the farmer<replace ". He" with ", he"> may not ever feel he is rich. He will try harder, use all his skill and talent to expand his business. He may not feel scarified until he is as rich as Bill Gates. He would never <replace "seems" with "see"> himself as success<ful> and always try to <replace "looking" with "look"> forward <replace "for" with "towards"> a new ambition.

    Compare<d> to the business man, the farmer might not have a brand new car, a Victoria<n> house and taste gourmet dishes in a deluxe hotel but then he is happy with his life. His family are <more> important than <replace "everything" with "anything else">. He feels he is <a> success because he has a house <in which> to live, <replace "have" with "has"> a job to work, <and> <replace "have" with "has"> a family to come back home <to> after a long day in the field.

    I want to point out that because in my personal opinion I think that every one needs to work hard in order to become useful for the society they live and for their own good, but to be success<ful> have to let themselves decide <what matters to them>.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    I wouldn't say that this was an easy 10 points. It was pretty time consuming. You did very well. I fixed your grammar and a few spelling errors. Keep practicing!!! Before I came to America, my grandmother told me that life in the US would be extremely hard for me. She said “you will need an arduous effort to be able to overcome obstacles.” I think it is very true. For someone who does not know about the culture, life and language, it takes a lot of courage just to come to another country to live. I am such an international student. That is what makes me unique. I am from Vietnam. In an American’s eyes, my appeal, my action, my verbal skills, and my eating habits are very different. I am proud of my culture and my traditions. The more I have been here, the more I recognize how valuable my culture is. It is unique and special because it separates me from the others. It not only tells about me but also tells stories about the place I grow up, about my country’s customs, and about how people are in my country. Since I grew up in Vietnam, I have background knowledge in herbalist practice. In my childhood, my house was in an area filled with wilderness. There are only few houses on a row. My grand mother used to grow a lot of herbs and vegetables on the vacant plot land next to my house. She taught me along with her maid about using herbs for healthcare. I grew in love with herbalist since that time. I have always wanted to work for a natural skincare company after I graduate because I want to employ my knowledge in herbalist with my biology major to change the way people look and think about skincare and cosmetics. I love Hamline for the school environment. It is a small school, small classroom, and very friendly people and even has an international association. As an international student, I think those elements are very important for me. My cousin did not really support the idea since my English is not great. My mother pointed out that I will have a lot of matters with biology major since there will be a lot of science terms. However, I believe that if I love a major, no matter how hard it will be I can always pass it. I used to do some volunteer work while I was in high school. I cannot say which one I like the best and which one I like the least because I enjoyed all of them. Each individual activity brought me a different experience. I do have a profound memory about one: My uncle has a charity organization. Older people often gather there to study English, practice meditation and Tai- Chi. Once the association had a volunteer cooking for breakfast and lunch. All the profit of the meals were to be sent to the orphanage house. I supported that idea because I love to cook and to help people. I think it is a great chance for me to meet with others and to improve my cooking skills. I only knew some simple dishes at the time. My aunt and a lot of ladies in that organization helped me to learn a lot about cooking. They were tough on me if I worked slow and made mistakes. That hurt my pride a little but I slowly realized that they only wanted the best for me. After three months, my skills improved and I was able to cook by myself! I only went to college for one month. I did not discover what my strengths were. I would like to improve in social and verbal skills. By graduation, I want to be know more and have more friends. I would like to do well academically. That is my biggest goal right now

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