A Poem For All.?
When I'm shot down
I give up.
When I'm put down
I give in.
All the things they say to me.
I feel I'll never win.
For this battle I'm to weak
I know I can't go on
With those words you said
Don't worry now I'm gone.
- TD Euwaite?Lv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
This is very cool. The subject is just another broken heart, but you get us there with fine art. Your choppy beat works well and goes with the subject. This is a good poem.
- 1 decade ago
I am unclear as to what you are wanting from us here.
Educate me please.
Do you want a critique
Or is this a time we need to respond with some encouragement as to the path you have chosen?
As for the critique.. I like it.. The first 6 lines have a nice flow to them. The cadence of the last four lines makes me stop and have to re read them to follow it. .. Maybe you could say
With those words you SPEAK.......
course that one word changing paths is possibly what your focus is on?
Any way... I like it and it works....
And if you can turn from someone who does not treat you right .....then on the encouragement level..,,,,,,,
More power to ya!
- 1 decade ago
U have really made a great effort. Da poem is good but it can b better n i am sure ur gonna trans4m it in2 a better poem.
Ny ways all da best n keep writing cool poems like dis.
- sweet_blueLv 71 decade ago
I am sensing discouragment
in here. Giving up, Giving in
and a person doesnt win
As well as someone with low self
esteem.Source(s): This poem is beautiful keep writing
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
pretty good.. its alright.. i think its for all.. if thats your question?