Confused asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

A Poem For All.?

When I'm shot down

I give up.

When I'm put down

I give in.

All the things they say to me.

I feel I'll never win.

For this battle I'm to weak

I know I can't go on

With those words you said

Don't worry now I'm gone.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is very cool. The subject is just another broken heart, but you get us there with fine art. Your choppy beat works well and goes with the subject. This is a good poem.

    TD

  • 1 decade ago

    I am unclear as to what you are wanting from us here.

    Educate me please.

    Do you want a critique

    Or is this a time we need to respond with some encouragement as to the path you have chosen?

    As for the critique.. I like it.. The first 6 lines have a nice flow to them. The cadence of the last four lines makes me stop and have to re read them to follow it. .. Maybe you could say

    With those words you SPEAK.......

    course that one word changing paths is possibly what your focus is on?

    Any way... I like it and it works....

    And if you can turn from someone who does not treat you right .....then on the encouragement level..,,,,,,,

    More power to ya!

  • 1 decade ago

    U have really made a great effort. Da poem is good but it can b better n i am sure ur gonna trans4m it in2 a better poem.

    Ny ways all da best n keep writing cool poems like dis.

  • 1 decade ago

    Confused:

    I am sensing discouragment

    in here. Giving up, Giving in

    and a person doesnt win

    As well as someone with low self

    esteem.

    Source(s): This poem is beautiful keep writing
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    pretty good.. its alright.. i think its for all.. if thats your question?

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