A question about marriage?

Well i know i am definatly not ready for marriage, but I hear about how upset everyone is and sad and all that when they are married. I thought marriage was supposed to be a good thing. I guess what im trying to say is can I hear from sombody who is happily married? Over the years i have seen friends/family go thru failed marriages enough that im starting to loose faith in it. Now im not saying its anyones job to renew my faith, i just want to hear from some people who are happy lol.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here I am!!!!

    My husband and I have been married a little over two years now. While I know this isn't the longest marriage on record, I have every intention of aiming for that record.

    Don't get me wrong, we have our ups and downs, as any relationship with any one does. But I love him very much, and I know he loves me. I don't have to worry about his fidelity, I don't have to worry about mine. I can talk to him about anything, and he talks to me about everything.

    The main weaknesses in our relationship have been lack of communication (which we sorted out really early on, before we were married), family stresses, and money stresses.

    The latter two are much easier to cope with once you have communication sorted. When we were having money troubles, we of course were getting anxious, and short tempered. I just remember the story my mum told me about her and dad 'one day i turned around and said 'why are you always biting my head off?' 'ME? you're always biting MY head off!!'

    So, of course, they thought they were being attacked, so they got defensive, and the communication breaks down. Once they realised that this was a vicious cycle, and that they had only theirselves to blame, they managed to stop snapping back, instead changing to 'you know, that hurt my feelings' or 'why are you snapping at me?' Often the other doesn't realise they are doing it. So I am very concious of the way I talk to my husband. If I know I am cranky(or PMSing!!!) I tell him I'm a bit grumpy, and sorry if I snap at him. If I realise I have already been grumpy at him, I apologise. If I feel like he is being grumpy at me, i tell him, or I ask him what's wrong, which often times it turns out he's worried about something.

    As for the cheating that a lot of askers talk about, I would be lying if I said the thought has never crossed my mind, before we were married, our minister corrected our misconception that we would never be attracted to any one else. And he was right, it is possible that someone else my catch your fancy. The way that I deal with this is to tell my husband, and talk to him about it. This way I spend less time feeling guilty about it, therefore less time thinking about that person. If he has ever been attracted to another girl since we got together... he's keeping it under his hat :P but I don't think it's likely. Guys are a little different then women. A quick thought of 'oo, nice boobs' is different to when I notice a guy. And I wouldn't expect him not to notice women, not saying that I wouldn't get upset (which is fun, cause = extra cuddles and kisses!!)

    I rejoice in knowing that this wonderful man, who sees me at my worst as well as my best, loves me, and wants only me. I have someone I can always turn to, always depend upon, and always trust. We are going to make a beautiful life together, have lovely children, and they are going to learn from us how to have a good and stable relationship.

    I asked my husband are you happy in our marriage? he said 'yes. very happy.' Lol. Guys aren't that great at expressing, but if you could see us together you would know. My brother said something very touching to me on our wedding day 'It's nice to finally go to a wedding that you know is going to last.' As a lot of his friends had been getting married for the wrong reasons (babies etc).

    The only thing I am sad about being married is I have lost touch with most of my single friends. I am not the only newly wed that I know of who's friends seem to think that we're contagious or something. If you have friends who are married, make an effort to stay in touch with them, as they still need you, even if it's hard to make the time sometimes. (Also, going out is a little less fun, as there's no 'ooo, that's a cute one, wonder if I can pick him up?' LOL!!! But there's always the happy drunk talks with hubby later. 'I loves yoush!!')

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  • 1 decade ago

    I've been married 22 years (3 kids).

    I've been happily married 5 years (just kidding). Marriage has its ups and downs, just like life. What people don't notice is that single people have just as many, or more downs. What complicates marriage is the fact that there are 2 of you, and your "ups" may not coincide. But then, maybe your "downs" don't either.

    Good marriages require respect and commitment. Even in the worst of times, you have to be prepared to respect your partner and treat them AT LEAST as well as you would a stranger. That's a lot harder than you think.

    There's an old saying "A cat and a dog can walk down opposite sides of the street and ignore each other... but tie their tails together and watch the fireworks!" When you're married, you're tied to another person, so it takes some doing to make things work.

    Many people look at marriage and see only the negatives... you lose your "freedom"... is there sex after marriage?...I lose my friends... etc. But these aren't really because of the marriage, it's because of life. Things change. Some for the better, some not. Marriage is for the better.

    All that being said, the rewards of marriage are tremendous. The satisfactions are greater, the joy you take in your children, the sense of accomplishment. It makes it all worthwhile. It's not easy, but it is worthwhile.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Marriage is a good thing, when it's taken seriously by those within it. It takes commitment, work and determination to make it work. The problem today isn't marriage, it's more that people want immediate and total gratification. Nobody can do that for you, so there is eventually disappointment. Also, marriage is the easiest contract to get out of - buying a home together is more binding legally than marriages in "no fault" states. That being said, I am very happily married for the last 12 years and can't imagine life without my spouse. I hope you find what you are looking for.

    Most of my friends are happily married and have stayed married, so it also depends on the groups of people you hang out with. I truly believe that if you want long term happiness and financial security, stay married.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I have a great marriage, I've been with my husband for 2 years. We only got married because I got pregnant, in the beginning I thought it wouldn't work , 'cause I got pregnant on our 3rd date , then when our son was born we got married. Specially , because many people said that kids makes it difficult to the marriage work.

    Today I'm happy as I've never been, we never had a discussion, when we see something we don't like we sit and talk, our son is a blessing.

    The secret to a marriage work is be the best friend and partner the other can have, be buy the person side and ,sometimes, we have to give up of something ( but nothing that we're gonna regret or die because of it.)

    Xxx,

    Barbara

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My wife and I have been married 30+ years, and we are very happy. We've had 5 kids, and have 3 grand kids. Don't think that over the long haul every minute is going to be sheer bliss. It won't be. Life has a way of throwing major loads of s... at you. And sooner or later any two people are going to disagree on something. But so what! The trick is to put your marital relationship first, and keep it above all that other nonsense. When you commit to each others emotional well being first, and refuse to let anything life throws at you encroach upon that relationship, lifes challenges just don't matter as much.

    People who let their marriages fail, or even suffer, either went into their marriage with unrealistic expectations, or they had hidden motives, or failed to do the things necessary to sustain a happy marriage. Marriage takes work. But it's happy, enjoyable work. Most of the time you don't even realize you're putting in that work. It's 24/7/365 of putting your life partner first in your life. And that goes for both partners. It means carefully managing your relationship so it WON'T fail. It means carefully and responsibly selecting a spouse in the first place, and not letting hormones cloud that selection. It means date nights, and vacations, and not just finding time, but making time to nurture your relationship on a regular basis. NEVER loose faith in marriage. It is just too precious. Loose faith in those who let their marriages fail. It's their own fault they are a statistic, not the institutions.

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  • Cebsme
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I'm happily married. I have been married for almost 6 years. Yes it's difficult at times. To me in my marriage the positives far outweigh any negatives.

    Every marriage is different of course, and I've had a front row viewing to many a failed one. Both my husband and I come from families where there was divorce. In my case my mother has been married 6 different times.

    It's just something I don't let dictate my marriage. I know I'm not my mother, and he is not his "father". (i put it like that because he was legally adopted by his step dad whom is now his father and the only one he's ever really known)

    Love, communication, support and understanding. Those are the things Ive found to be most important.

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  • JustMe
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I am very happy to be married to my husband. Is every minute a happy one? No. Of course we have had our disagreements, but we love each other and we are willing to do whatever it takes to work out our differences. I wouldn't change my life for anything. We have been together 9 years and counting. I will say most days are just normal days. We do have a lot of happy days, and a lot of happy memories, with a few bad days peppered throughout. That is the trick. Don't let those few bad days become the definition of your relationship. Get through them and don't dwell on them.

    I keep hearing how high the divorce rate is, but in my own life it's not true. Out of everyone I know that is married (a few hundred couples if you count friends and family) and I only know 20 couples that divorced. I can't say how many are married and miserable, but I would like to think most of them are at lest content.

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  • 3 years ago

    See, the main issue with the "Well, a brother and sister dwelling co-dependently might benefit from the equal advantages" signifies that no 2 directly humans have *ever* abused the wedding procedure once they were not in a romantic dating. But a sibling couple doing so might nonetheless be legally "married"; they might now not then, in flip, be allowed to marry any individual they had been truthfully romantically concerned about with out dissolving that partnership, with the entire authorized disorders a divorce can reason. I imply, I think if a brother/sister pair (or brother/brother or sister/sister, had been homosexual marriage authorized) desired to go into right into a lifelong, non-romantic authorized partnership, definite, they might conceivably call for they be granted marriage rights. But such partnerships might be instead few and a long way among, as I suppose the social stigma of stressful you be allowed to marry your sister might more often than not suppress that organization. A extra pertinent query might be on easy methods to manage the quantity of contributors in a wedding. If marriage is spread out from in which it's now, then there is the query approximately whether or not polyamorous unions will have to be legally identified. And if we then extended marriage to permit, say, four participants, then what approximately polygamists who suppose socially ostracized seeing that they've a five-approach dating? Polygamists and brothers in need of to marry their sisters, nonetheless, represent a tiny, tiny fraction of American society. Homosexuals, whilst nonetheless a minority, quantity a long way larger. Opening up marriage to equal-intercourse couples, I suppose, is a method to provide those romantic pairings the equal authorized rights which can be presently loved through identical partnerships, whilst minimizing the difference to the total procedure. Sure, the "slippery slope" argument can nonetheless be implemented, however simply seeing that starting up marriage to homosexuals would open up a greater can of worms does not imply it's not a well and proper factor to do.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, the secret to having a happy marriage is finding the right partner.

    I was married for 5 years to my first husband... loved him to death, but we weren't right for each other. We get along MUCH better since we divorced. (we have 2 kids together, so are tied for life.)

    However, I am re-married now to my best friend. We have known each other for about 15 years... been married for 2 years in October. We talk openly about everything and genuinely LOVE being together, yet we can be separate without any jealousy or anything like that.

    As long as you find someone that you can talk to all the time about whatever... someone who pushes you to be your best, someone who stands by you and treats you with respect and dignity, you will be all right.

    Just know that you have a choice of who you are going to be with for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Make sure you choose someone who compliments who you are. Has the same outlook as you about life. AND a big thing is to wait until you are old enough to know exactly what you want in a mate. So many "kids" get married thinking it's going to be great, only to grow up... and apart. If you know who YOU are going into a relationship... it will be easier to see weather or not it is going to work long term.

    Good luck to you... and remember, you will go through a LOT of fish before catching the right one. :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Guess what?You found him,I am the happiest married man of all,I have been married to my wife for twenty-six years and we get along great,She is my buddy,my lover,my best friend and everything a man could want of a marriage.In our first few years it was tough,I was a drinker,a wild man in the bars,loved to fight,raised hell all the time,and bless her soul she stayed with me,we had some rough times back then.Now we look back and see all the stupid stuff I did and laugh.At one time we were homeless,now we own two homes,raised six good children,by the way are married now,and we enjoy our grandchildren.But we think the hard times brought us closer,the ups and downs of life.You just have to make it through them,most people give up to easily today.Or the grass is greener on the other side of the fence,it is a illusion,the grass is the same color no matter which side your on.Hope this helps you,Good Luck,May God be with you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Many people these days do not take their marriage vows seriously, which leads to a failed marriage. They have also eliminated God out of their lives as well. There are many things that will lead to failed marriages and divorce. Personally,, I believe that one of the top contributors is people rushing into things and getting married at such a young age before they have been able to see all of their options. Just hasty decisions. I am extremely happy. Everything is great between myself and mine. We have good communication, respect for each other, reasonable expectations, and unconditional love. We couldn't be more happy than we are.

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