Okay, I'm trying to get involved with my kids....?

last year, my husband and I were going thru some very hard financial problems. I was working two jobs, day and night. I couldn't attend any of my kids events - they were in boy scouts and brownies, and soccer. Well, now this year is much better, and I recently went to the first Brownie meeting of the year, and the "leader" was discussing things and she kept saying, "I'll get with you two later and we'll decide", meaning the other two mothers that were there. Now, this was the first meeting, parents were invited, and I thought she was very rude. Is there some sort of unwritten rule that if you don't help / participate / etc from the beginning, you can't later? This happened at my daughter's school "Meet the Teacher" night, as well. I volunteered to help with parties and stuff throughout the year, and the mothers that did it last year talked among themselves and left me out. Any advice?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It really goes back to high school. It's cliques. Women are very catty and like to break off into their little social sets. It's how the daugthers end up learning to be as mean as the mothers.

    It's sad that grown women can't even allow a new "face" or parent to be involved. Lots of women (like yourself) are involved b/c it brings you closer to your child. Other mothers are involved because it's another status symbol to add to their belt. Like, they are the brownie leader, the homeroom mother, etc. It becomes less about their children and more about how favorable the mother and the family (as a whole, not even the children) appear.

    I would speak to the brownie leader and the teacher personally and see if you could get involved. If not, try forming your own brownie troop. Get other mothers who were excluded to help you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Other mothers can be so rude. I have a friend who (is married) has 3 kids. They have had a few financial difficulties as well. But that doesn't mean that her kids have ever lacked in anything. She's a fun person and she dresses fun, like a young person still I guess. Basically she doesn't look like your average mom of 3. The other mothers at her kids' functions seem to think that she is a single mom on welfare and don't give her the time of day. And she has ALWAYS been involved. Basically what I'm trying to say is that a lot of moms are really snotty, think their kids' poo doesn't stink and were born with a silver spoon up their bum. There's nothing you can do about that. All that matters is that you put in an effort. Your kids will remember that. What those stuffy old broads think doesn't matter.

  • 4 years ago

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  • Mom
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You may just have to be a bit more aggressive in approaching these women and getting to know them better and letting them know how you want to be involved more. It can be so "high school", and the women may not have been delierbately leaving you out and being rude, they were probably oblivious and thought they were just talking with their friends. It can be hard to jump in after the start. Like after that Brownie meeting, I would've said "I'd like to meet with you guys after as well as I'd like to help and get more involved!" Or at teacher's night, introduce yourself and join in conversations - find out who the room parent is and constantly tell her about helping out in the class - talk to the teacher as well. I hate to say sometimes in this day and age of competitive parenting you have to be really aggressive. I hope this helps and don't give up!

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  • Yogi
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    No offense to the gentler sex, but that's women for you. Just be a little more aggressive. Say, "I would really like to help. I'll bring this, or that," and then do it. Or talk to the brownie leader and say something like, "I fully plan on being a part of this group and would like to help, so it would be nice if you could include me."

  • RSJ
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    It was rude. Perhaps, it was unintentional. Take the high road- speak with the leader- introduce yourself and let her know that you want to volunteer and ask her what things could be done. Leave it at that and see what happens. Hopefully, it will all work out. good luck

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