Missy!~ asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

which is better for my Lit. class?

Please pick on of the two...

Carefully picking up the pieces of glass

she was again reminded of her broken past

her framed memories from so long ago

If only she knew that time would go so fast

or

Quickly running from those left behind

the ones she left were not so kind

she nevr knew what she had lost

she would head home, if she were not so blind.

The poem sould be like AABA

Update:

I would change it, but cant...Haha oh, and whats a good name for the first one?

4 Answers

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  • Bill N
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It might be interesting to make the pattern ABAA. You'd have to change a few words, but I think it would be a bit more flowing that way.

    Or maybe you could shorten the first one but keep the original AABA pattern....like this

    Carefully picking up pieces of glass

    Reminded of her broken past

    Framed memories from long ago

    Knowing that time slips by fast

    Running from those left far behind

    Leaving the ones who were not kind

    Never knowing what she had lost

    She'd head home but she is blind.

    That is, if you wanna do this. This seems a bit more streamlined and not as wordy. Hope this helps ya.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I liked the second one. The beat is more catchy and the words more meaningful thatn the first.

    Source(s): My brain...
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  • 1 decade ago

    They're both good, but I relate more to the first :)

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  • Eileen
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    the first one is more interesting.

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