Can anyone help me, I have a huge problem, I am a single mother of 2 sons ages 13 and 9. My 13 year old is a?

Can anyone help me, I have a huge problem, I am a single mother of 2 sons ages 13 and 9. My 13 year old is a very difficult child, he has been diagnosed bi-polar, ADHD, and oppositional defient disorder. I have had lots of problems, but now it is getting worse. He is on drugs, real bad, and drinks. I try to limit his ability to even go out and hang with the old crowd, I can't watch him 24/7. He is very violent toward me and his younger brother, he is very dis-respectable toward me and other adult. He has been arrest numerous times, but the police just release him and don't do anything about it. He cusses me and calls me names, throws things at me, punches holes in the walls, use to chase me with a knife. Hits his younger brother. I take him to church and he cusses me at church, and will even cuss out the pastor. I do have him into a behavior class room, at a special school, he went to school and threatened to blow up the school.

Update:

well got cut off so I will finish, my and my pastor has tried getting him help. We went to the police, had him hospitilized, called DCFS to see if they would take him, put him in counseling, where he slapped a counselor, took him to the emergency room, called the crisis team, wrote all the talk shows for help, no response. Checked into boot camps and boarding schools, they are too expensive can't afford them. I am trying to go back to school full time for my RN, I just can't deal with this any more. Does any one have any more suggestions on somthing I have not tried? Need all the input I can get. Thanks!

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh send him here to be with my 17 year old who s the same way! Arrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh Yes many days and nights are spent in tears. The older my son gets, the more violent he becomes! Doesnt matter how well the upbringing has been, or what we have tried, although you sound like you have tried more things than us! Our son has the same disorders PLUS mood disorders and tourettes with learning disabilities. He is also 250 pounds and almost 6' tall! Yeah right- I can discipline him with no problem! HA I cant even get near him. My husband drives over 7000 miles a month and is only hme 1-2 days a week if at all. When he is here, he isn't much of a help because he is in denial of how bad it is! My son held knives to my throat while I slept and this started at age 3. I dont know why, if your son was taken to the ER, they couldnt drug test him and arrest him for drug use. I dont know what state you live in, but every state is different in respect to why and how they can be arressted, put in Juvi, put in the psych ward for treatment, being involved in Child Protective Services etc. Even practicing tuff love with these kids doesnt always work, if at all. Are there grandparents or the father in the picture at all? Here, if we tried what you had tried, like when your son was arrested, we would have been the ones in trouble if we refused to pick him up when he was released. What would happen if you did that? Have you found out where he gets alcohol? Turn the people in! Do you know his friends parents? Do they know what their kids are doing? Have you called the Keith Ablow show? I would become a thorn in EVERYONES side till you get help! And YOU need an emotional support system. What medications is he currently on? I am sure if he is medicated you are probably having a VERY difficult time making him take them! But if he would take them, they either need to be different meds or stronger doses! I know these arent the answers your looking for. I am ready to leave my husband and kids because I myself cant take it anymore. Out of 7 children, 5 of ours are special needs. Fortunatly only 3 are young enough to still be home! But we are also now raising a grandson who is special needs also! It has never been fair to the other kids what 2 of our children have done to this family, especially the 17 year old. As much as you and us love our kids because they are ours, we are at wits end and just cant stand being around them anymore becaues they are so vicious and we cant handle them. For the last 2 years I have done everythng I can just to make it to the next day! We have lived in small towns for the last several years and that makes it much harder for resources! We see the pain our son causes EVERYONE in the household and we hurt for the innocent children in the home! Call the mental health office. Tell them he is a danger to others, to you and to the younger son! Tell them you cant have him in your home any longer! You are welcome to come to AZ for a visit and some help from a family WHO KNOWS exactly what your going thru. THis kind of child can not be "Loved" thru this! What I mean is it wont matter how nice you are or how much love you give or how many hugs are offered etc. Other methods will have to be used! I wish I could help. Contact ALL the talk shows again, and again. Contact his doctor who diagnosed him and lay it on the line! You also need counseling for the sibling before he is destroyed emotionally or hurt physically! Our children are angry at us because of what their brother does to them because we dont have the answers. All I know is that I want to be gone or he needs to be gone from our home! I dont want to hurt him emotionally by sending him away but the whole family suffers because he is here! Feel free to email.

  • 1 decade ago

    You have tried so many things that have not worked... I admire your perseverance.

    The first thing you need to do is get him off the drugs and alcohol. Put him in rehab. When he gets out, it's a whole new world of supervision and discipline.

    Do you have a brother or cousin who could provide strong male leadership for him? Or maybe a friend from your church? Single moms need help to raise their kids. Supervision, supervision, supervision! If you can't be there 24/7, make some arrangements so that there is someone to watch him. Is he involved in any sports or physical activities? He needs an outlet for his energy.

    Discipline, discipline, discipline! What are the consequences when he behaves violently? When he cusses at you or anyone else? Remove everything from his room except the mattress. When he misbehaves, he goes to his room. If he puts a hole in the wall, make him patch it and paint it. Over and over again if necessary.

    I personally think ADHD & bipolar are over-diagnosed and the drugs they use to control these illnesses are not helpful at all on patients who don't really have the disorder. Have you looked into alternative medicine? Has he been tested for allergies and food sensitivites?

    Oppositional defiant disorder is just a fancy name for saying that your child does not respect authority. It's NOT an illness and cannot be treated with medicine. Counseling a 13 year old only helps if the child is cooperative. Yours is not.

    You may have to put your own education on hold until you get this boy under control. I will repeat. START with rehab...once he is off the drugs and acohol, bring him home to a world with constant supervision and lots of discipline. Seek help with this...you cannot do it alone.

    Good Luck.

  • Nic
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    OMG you poor soul. He's tearing your world apart.

    He definitely needs help.

    I think you should go to the police and explain to them very clearly that you are frightened of your son. There has to be someone out there to help you and they should know who it is.

    I know you've tried alot of things but don't give up. If someone tells you no once keep calling (sometimes you just get a person on the phone who's having a bad day and won't even try, next time they might be more helpful). Have you tried the children's aid society? Maybe ask the expensive boot camps if they have payment plans, or maybe they can refer you to another facility that does.

    You've got to keep trying because you and the little guy cannot continue to live like this. It's just not fair to either of you.

    Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    He needs a male role model in his life to show him the mistakes he's making. You're a single mom...is it possible for the father to get involved?

    Maybe a male figure at the church can step in. Your son's lost, dealing with some things that he probably doesn't want to talk to you about. But a male figure in his life will work wonders. Does your church have a mentor program, or a youth program? Talk to the youth pastor if that's the case.

    Where young men go wrong is when there isn't a strong male figure in their lives to model their behavior after. He's calling out for help, but he just doesn't know how to do that.

    If you don't know of any male figures that can step up, email or IM me.

    Source(s): Youth minister...I have a heart for kids who are suffering
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  • 1 decade ago

    Check in to these FREE services. Also I have a question for you. Is your son on medication for his ADHD? I have heard that if they're not on medications (which truly I am against medicating) that they do what is called self-medicate: drink, drugs, etc. because they really don't want to feel the way they do. Now your son is 13...first of all that's a tough age all by itself, much less with disorders to boot. Ok have a look here:

    http://www.adhdnews.com/ they have a forum for parents with kids with ADHD (i joined this also) it's great - NOTE: you do have join...but again it's free.

    Ok now here's something else and by the way all of these are FREE services. Ok I'd like to know what 'state' you live in so I can direct you to more FREE services that you can actually use in 'your' area. You do need help and you being a single mom should have no problem getting FREE help for you and your son...and your other son.

    http://www.babycrowd.com/forums/adhd/ADHD_ADD_BIOP... (join..but it's free)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What a dilemma this is. I have thought quite a bit about him and really cannot for the life of me come up with anything more and better than what you have done already . That boy sounds dangerous . Please protect yourself and sleep with a locked door , I would not trust myself to be around him . Kids like that scare me to death . The bigger they get the stronger they get and ever more dangerous . He belongs in a safe house away from you and his brother .

    As a parent you are obligated to keep trying. You have 5 more years to go . Sorry .

  • 1 decade ago

    well were i live we have a place called boys ranch and they take trouble youth and they work on thing they basically strep everything and and they have chores and they have to earn privileges like shopping watching TV etc. I does work i have known people who have gone their. hope this helps

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    it sounds like he has some anger issues, so maybe he needs to go to anger management. he needs to learn that hes being disrespectful and that he needs to stop. i know it sounds like alot, but maybe you guys should move somewhere away from all the drugs and have a fresh start.

  • 1 decade ago

    well hun I'm 13 and I'm not like that ...mabe its because you let him get away with it spank that little boy and when he screams scream at him too your the mom while he is still in your house he needs to follow your rules,be more meen and mabey like that he will change thats how mom did it I used to be somthing like your son but I changed.......

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You need professional help

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