Lv 4
Renn asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

He won't set a wedding date!?

My fiance and I have been engaged for about 2 months. Ever the planner, I am ready to get things movings as far as dates, destinations, etc. However, he does not want to set a date yet. He says that it is because we won't know exactly when we will be living together. (He is building a house that we are planning to live in together.) The way I see it, which I have explained, is that we may not know when the house will be done until 2-3 months before the house is complete. That's not enough time to plan! Is he putting me off because he doesn't WANT to get married...?? (I worry b/c he was engaged once before and nothing ever happened there either.)


Okay, let me clarify some more. We don't live together currently and we are building this house together... Well, he is fronting financially for now and my opinions are going into the house (plans, etc.) I don't want to live together beforehand. He thinks it should take about a year to build and has been in the works since the engagement. So, basically his major concern is the house and not the wedding. At what point should I approach this again so that I will have enough time to plan for a wedding and not seem pushy?

16 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    In all honesty from a guy's point of view, there's no need to press right now. You're engaged, so it's going to happen sooner or later, and it's only been 2 months! It's still probably very new to him and sometimes guys need a longer time to adjust to an arrangement such as this. I can tell you that if you do start pressing him, he's more than likely going to get mad.

    My wife and I arranged to move in together before our wedding, and it was 100 times easier to do it before rather than after. I'd ease up for a couple of months, then start the press again.

    Enjoy your engagement while you can. Once marriage comes, then kids, you lose a ton of the time you had for yourselves. Take advantage.

  • 1 decade ago

    Personally I think he is getting cold feet and is using the building schedule on the house as an excuse. Sit him down and ask him outright, is he totally committed to getting married or is this going to be a long engagement of years and years. If that is the case, then you may have to call his bluff and give him his ring back. Tell him, you want to get married and have a family and build a life together. If he is not ready for that then maybe you should call off the engagement, give him his freedom and give him something to ponder. He may come back with an open heart and set a definite date. Set the butterfly free and he shall return to you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It sounds to me like he just doesn't want to live together before marraige and he wants to take his new wife to the new home right after wedding or honeynmoon. It sounds sweet, but he is not leaving much time for planning. Sit him down and see if you can compromise somehow. Look at when your leases are up in the homes you live in now, that sort of thing. Pick out a few dates and destinations. Then ask him which he thinks would be close to the time the house is finished and plan from there.

  • 1 decade ago

    If the house is close to being complete, it may not be a big deal.

    If the completion is months or years away and you don't want to wait that long to get married, then I would bring up the idea of renting an apartment together for the time in between the wedding and the completion of the house.

    If he seems put off by this idea, I would question him further. How long does he want to be engaged? Is he thinking months or years? Does he want a big wedding? Find out these answers. As he answers these questions, it may become clearer to you by his answers and his demeanor, just what is going on.

    Source(s): I'm a wedding planner.
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  • SE
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    *Be sure you have set a wedding date before you move in with him.* The house really shouldn't have too much to do with it - I don't really see the connection there (unless he wants you to be married before you move in...). Because he has been in a dead-end engagement before, you should be very careful.

    Also, keep in mind that in most cities you have to book your wedding venue several months in advance. So...if you decide in September that you want to get married in November, you will have a hard time booking a venue and a caterer. Give yourself a minimum of 6 months.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hun, you've only been engaged for 2 months... I was engaged for almost 2 years! It's not because he doesn't want to marry you... I mean he barely proposed if you move it any further he might feel you're rushing him and he might get cold feet... give it at least 6 months to start planning forever. Then you can start dropping little hints on where you'd like to take the honeymoon and what your themes might be.

    Source(s): Married for a year and expecting our first
  • Terri
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I think he has a good point.

    Wait until the house is together before worrying about a date, you do not want unforeseen problems going on with the house to affect anything with your wedding day.

    Get the house taken care of first, then worry about a date.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sorry, but I think the house is an excuse to not get married. If he really wanted to marry you now, he would.

    My sister waited 3 years for a guy to "finish his house" before they got married. She gave up and moved on, is now happily married to a great guy, they have a new baby, and her ex is still not finished with his house.

    He may love you, but I don't think he's ready to marry you or anybody.

    I once read a poll that said that when a couple moves in together, she thinks it will move him one step closer to marriage. He thinks it means they don't have to talk about marriage anymore. Just something to think about.

  • 1 decade ago

    His reasons could vary, it could be what u are thinking or he may have something special planned, maybe he just doesn't want to rush anything. How long have you been together? Sit him down and discuss everything with him, find out his intentions, thoughts, feelings etc. It may not be what you think.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah, my feeling is , if there's not a date you're not engaged. Because until you have a date he has not made a commitment. He is leaving himmself a way to say well, I just don't think its goin to work out. Give him an ultimatum, gimmie a date, or even better yet, you pick a date and if he's hesitant kick his *** to teh curb.

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