LDS only please?
I have given up on being original, I need a good joke to begin my talk. Its my farewell and I'm too worried about everything to come up with something on the spot, or come up with something on my own, please help
- saintroseLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
One of the talks I was at had the people lean to the left and then to the right and after he done this he said; Now no one can ever say I didn't sway the congregation when I spoke. That went over well but in truth I never start out with a joke. I do however try to start out with showing how thank full for the ward and those who teach me are and those who are in the calling I have with me. Like the young men's etc.
- Sir NetworkLv 61 decade ago
Your farewell from the church or from Yahoo Answers?
You've gotta be specific so that we know how to write it.
- 1 decade ago
i'd like to have you all stand and touch your hearts, the tell em to sit down, then say "ok well now that i have uplifted you and your hearts have been touched, i feel that my talk is a sucsess and i am done know
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You're leaving Y!A? You've been on here for over a year and have only answered 84 questions......
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- AhabLv 51 decade ago
A Parody of the Best Loved Faith Promoting Rumors of a Peculiar People
Peter and Molly had just gotten engaged. While at the Lord's
University, they had been the Family Home Evening Group's "Mother" and
"Father." He had heard a voice telling him to marry her. His name was
contained in her patriarchal blessing. For a date, they decided to visit
temple square and the Church Office Building.
Molly arrived late. She was late because she had just been to the
patriarch's house with her little brother who had Down Syndrome. The
patriarch told this "general in the war in heaven" that he had
physically thrown Satan out in the pre-existence, and that he was
disabled in this life so that Satan would be unable to tempt him more
than he was able to bear.
He also told her brother that he would be called home from his mission
to fight in World War Three when the Constitution would hang by a thread
and only either Orrin Hatch or the B.Y.U. law school graduates could
uphold the constitution. The patriarch told her brother that he would
play a large role in fulfilling the White Horse Prophecy. Molly had
served her mission in Italy, and when she tried to convert the Pope, he
told her that he knew Joseph Smith was a prophet but that he had to
fight against the church because of the 666 on his papal hood. Molly's
grandfather was the Japanese pilot who tried to bomb the Hawaiian temple
during the attack on Pearl Harbor but couldn't, so he eventually joined
the church. Molly's father didn't go on a mission because he was a
quarterback for BYU and football was his mission.
Peter was also running on "Mormon Standard Time." His little brother had
just received a mission call that contained a phone number instead of
telling him where his mission would be. When he called the number, the
prophet answered the phone and told him that he would be serving a
three-year mission to China. As a pre-mission present, he bought his
brother a copy of Bruce R. McConkie's book "Mormon Doctrine" which has
over 42,000,000 errors in it and was denounced by every member of the
Quorum of the Twelve (including Elder McConkie on his deathbed). Peter
knew this was true with every fiber of his being. Peter had served his
mission to Southern California and when he tracked into Madonna's house,
she tried to seduce him and his companion. Now she gets shocked every
time she touches a Book of Mormon.
When Peter arrived, he was drinking a Coke because the church owns a lot
of stock in Coca-Cola. While in the church office building, Peter and
Molly spoke to President Monson, whose patriarchal blessing said that he
would be the prophet in the Millennium. He told them that the Savior
would come within their lifetimes. He told them that he had just seen
the Savior walking the halls of the Salt Lake Temple, and that he looked
exactly like the painting of the red-robed Messiah by Del Parson, except
with different colored eyes. When they left, they got on the elevator
and President Kimball and three men wearing robes were in the elevator
President Kimball looked down at her wedding ring forged out of a
horse-shoe nail and told them, "If you knew what I know, you would sell
that ring and head down to Emergency Essentials." As the couple turned,
looking into each other's eyes and remembering the promises they had
made to each other in the pre-existence, President Kimball and the three
men (the three Nephites!) disappeared.
As they walked past the temple, they saw Alice Cooper, a former member
of the church, urinating on the temple grounds in tie-dyed garments. His
old mission companion, Ozzy Osborne, was there also, biting the heads
off of seagulls. Thank goodness Steve Martin and Lionell Ritchee, both
members of the church, were there with Eddie Van Halen who was hearing
the missionary discussions.
While on their way to Emergency Essentials, they were hit and killed by
a bus full of missionaries from the MTC heading to the Salt Lake City
airport. It's ok--Peter and Molly were needed as missionaries on the
other side. And after they were "embraced by the light," those on the
other side of the veil fell down and worshipped these "generals in the
war in heaven" because they lived in days of Gordon B. Hinckley.
- ClauzillaLv 41 decade ago
LDS? Anything like LSD?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
LAD's like to do it.