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LDS only please?

I have given up on being original, I need a good joke to begin my talk. Its my farewell and I'm too worried about everything to come up with something on the spot, or come up with something on my own, please help

7 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    One of the talks I was at had the people lean to the left and then to the right and after he done this he said; Now no one can ever say I didn't sway the congregation when I spoke. That went over well but in truth I never start out with a joke. I do however try to start out with showing how thank full for the ward and those who teach me are and those who are in the calling I have with me. Like the young men's etc.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your farewell from the church or from Yahoo Answers?

    You've gotta be specific so that we know how to write it.

  • 1 decade ago

    i'd like to have you all stand and touch your hearts, the tell em to sit down, then say "ok well now that i have uplifted you and your hearts have been touched, i feel that my talk is a sucsess and i am done know

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You're leaving Y!A? You've been on here for over a year and have only answered 84 questions......

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  • Ahab
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    A Parody of the Best Loved Faith Promoting Rumors of a Peculiar People

    Peter and Molly had just gotten engaged. While at the Lord's

    University, they had been the Family Home Evening Group's "Mother" and

    "Father." He had heard a voice telling him to marry her. His name was

    contained in her patriarchal blessing. For a date, they decided to visit

    temple square and the Church Office Building.

    Molly arrived late. She was late because she had just been to the

    patriarch's house with her little brother who had Down Syndrome. The

    patriarch told this "general in the war in heaven" that he had

    physically thrown Satan out in the pre-existence, and that he was

    disabled in this life so that Satan would be unable to tempt him more

    than he was able to bear.

    He also told her brother that he would be called home from his mission

    to fight in World War Three when the Constitution would hang by a thread

    and only either Orrin Hatch or the B.Y.U. law school graduates could

    uphold the constitution. The patriarch told her brother that he would

    play a large role in fulfilling the White Horse Prophecy. Molly had

    served her mission in Italy, and when she tried to convert the Pope, he

    told her that he knew Joseph Smith was a prophet but that he had to

    fight against the church because of the 666 on his papal hood. Molly's

    grandfather was the Japanese pilot who tried to bomb the Hawaiian temple

    during the attack on Pearl Harbor but couldn't, so he eventually joined

    the church. Molly's father didn't go on a mission because he was a

    quarterback for BYU and football was his mission.

    Peter was also running on "Mormon Standard Time." His little brother had

    just received a mission call that contained a phone number instead of

    telling him where his mission would be. When he called the number, the

    prophet answered the phone and told him that he would be serving a

    three-year mission to China. As a pre-mission present, he bought his

    brother a copy of Bruce R. McConkie's book "Mormon Doctrine" which has

    over 42,000,000 errors in it and was denounced by every member of the

    Quorum of the Twelve (including Elder McConkie on his deathbed). Peter

    knew this was true with every fiber of his being. Peter had served his

    mission to Southern California and when he tracked into Madonna's house,

    she tried to seduce him and his companion. Now she gets shocked every

    time she touches a Book of Mormon.

    When Peter arrived, he was drinking a Coke because the church owns a lot

    of stock in Coca-Cola. While in the church office building, Peter and

    Molly spoke to President Monson, whose patriarchal blessing said that he

    would be the prophet in the Millennium. He told them that the Savior

    would come within their lifetimes. He told them that he had just seen

    the Savior walking the halls of the Salt Lake Temple, and that he looked

    exactly like the painting of the red-robed Messiah by Del Parson, except

    with different colored eyes. When they left, they got on the elevator

    and President Kimball and three men wearing robes were in the elevator


    President Kimball looked down at her wedding ring forged out of a

    horse-shoe nail and told them, "If you knew what I know, you would sell

    that ring and head down to Emergency Essentials." As the couple turned,

    looking into each other's eyes and remembering the promises they had

    made to each other in the pre-existence, President Kimball and the three

    men (the three Nephites!) disappeared.

    As they walked past the temple, they saw Alice Cooper, a former member

    of the church, urinating on the temple grounds in tie-dyed garments. His

    old mission companion, Ozzy Osborne, was there also, biting the heads

    off of seagulls. Thank goodness Steve Martin and Lionell Ritchee, both

    members of the church, were there with Eddie Van Halen who was hearing

    the missionary discussions.

    While on their way to Emergency Essentials, they were hit and killed by

    a bus full of missionaries from the MTC heading to the Salt Lake City

    airport. It's ok--Peter and Molly were needed as missionaries on the

    other side. And after they were "embraced by the light," those on the

    other side of the veil fell down and worshipped these "generals in the

    war in heaven" because they lived in days of Gordon B. Hinckley.

  • 1 decade ago

    LDS? Anything like LSD?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    LAD's like to do it.

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