I don't have this problem. I am almost always in the mood 99% of the time. Why? Because he makes me feel like I am the sexiest woman he has ever been with. Because he tells me every day how much he loves me. Because he tells me every day how lucky he feels to be my husband. This gives me a lot of confidence.
We hug and kiss every day. I send him off to work with a healthy home cooked meal, a hug and kiss and I tell him to have a nice day, and to be safe. And I mean every word of it. When he comes home, he gets a hug and kiss along with a nice home cooked meal. We do our own thing (him on the internet paying bills, me cleaning up). We go out for a walk and play with our kids. After the kids are asleep, I give him BJ and..... if anything, he sometimes have to turn me down because he is too tired from work. I am very understanding. So, sometimes, it's just BJ for him and I'll get some the next day.
For us, it's important to make each other feel sexy, loved and wanted. I lust after my husband. I tell him so everyday. I tell him how much I want him and what I want to do with him. I dress in sexy lingerie for him. It also makes me feel sexy (I am a size 6). We watch porn and re-act the scenes. We role play (he is an excellent stripper, I also get very turned on when he speaks with a foreign accent). I bring food to the bedroom (chocolate sauce, whipped cream, etc..). We make love in any and all of the rooms in our home, in the car, on top of the cars and outdoors. We have some toys but have not really used it much. I plan to seduce him every other month. Why? Because he is worth making plans and it makes him feel very important.
We have been together almost 20 years. This works for us. We talk every day and we are very honest with each other. There is a lot of mutual respect. Sex and mood is just part of our talks. We talk about finances, family, friends, other people's relationship problems and if it affects us and how.
Good luck to you.