my husband doesn't have sex with me anymore?
we have sex twice a year for the last five years when i try and talk to him about are sexual problems. he says i never try which
isn't true he sleeps on the couch.for about two years now,he says because he want's to watch t.v. but we have a t.v. in our
bedroom. i'am feeling unwanted unattractive i can't get any
solutions to our problems.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
ok hon, really , you are stripping yourself of everythng you are by staying with this man, obviously this isn;t something that has just come about,you said twice a year for five years? your husband obviously doesn;t love you anymore, and is in a marriage of conveneince, and must love the way you cook, clean, and do laundry. You need to love yourself enough to be happy, i mean i know you love this guy you didn;t state how old you are but you only get to live this life one time, ONE TIME ONLY YOU DON;T GET TO DO IT OVER AGAIN you never stated if you have children, which of couse the idea of leaving gets even worse if children are involved and i do beleive in trying every other avenue before considering separation or divorce, as the commitment of marrriage is a seirous one, and have you really sat dowb and told him HOW THIS IS MAKING YOU FEEL?// YOU NEED TO DO THIS FIRST AND MOST OF ALL, SIT DOWN AND SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU WROTE TO US, THAT HIM SLEEPING ON THE COUCH EVERY NIGHT AND NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU OR EVER TOUCHING AND CUDDLING YOU IS MAKING YOU FEEL UNWANTED AND UNATTRACTIVE, AND THAT THIS HAS BECOME A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM FOR YOU, AND YOU HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND SAY EXACTLY THIS!!!!!!!!11i REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD SUGGEST SOME COUNCELLING, AS OBVIOUSLY IF THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR FIVE YEARS YOU GUYS REALLY NEED TO COMMUNICATE. yOU NEED TO STATE TO HIM, THAT THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE, AND IF HE WON;T YOU HAVE TO.. i DON;T LIKE TO THINK A MAN IS CHEATING, BUT TWICE A YEAR, AND TV IN YOUR ROOM????????// THIS IS NOT GOOD, AND YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM AND IF HE WON;T LISTEN YOU REALLY NEED TO GO TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE WANTED ENTIRELY FOR SEX, MIND BODY SOUL, AND HE ISN;T DOING ANY OF THAT FOR YOU, COUNCELLING WILL REALLY HELP, AND HONESTLY, YOU ONLY GET TO LIVE THIS LIFE ONE TIME, I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM, BUT YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE, YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW YOU CAN;T CONTINUE TO LIVE THIS WAY, AND YOU SHOULDN;T HAVE TO. MAKE HIM LISTEN, AND IF HE WON;T THEN THERE IS YOUR ANSWER, YOU HAVE RIGHTS AS A WIFE, AND YOU CAN SAVE MONEY AND PREPARE TO LEAVE, YOU DON;T HAVE TO MAKE IT A BIG FIGHT BE SMART AND PREPARE, SEE A LAWYER PRIVATELY AS A WOMAN YOU HAVE ALOT OF RIGHTS. SERIOUSLY !!!!!!!!!!!!BELEIVE ME BE INFORMED BY A LAWYER BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING RASH, BE SMART YOU DON;T HAVE TO BE A ***** ABOUT THIS EITHER, AS A WOMAN YOU HAVE THIS AS A RIGHT AS A HUMAN BEING TO BE LOVED BETTER THAN WHAT HE IS DOING NOW. GIVE HIM EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE, AND IF NOT THERE YOU GO..............COMMMUNICATION IS THE KEY, YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM
HOPE THINGS GET BETTER
LOVE YOURSELF GIRL,YOU DESERVE THAT
- 1 decade ago
You have to be able to set boundaries with your partner in any relationship. You and your husband are not doing this. You are not being clear about what you are feeling and how bad the absence of intimacy is making you feel.
It's time to take the bull by the horns! Tell your husband you need to have a serious discussion, and don't let him tune you out!
Tell him that although you love him very much, an important part of being and staying married to someone is regularly showing them your love and affection. Since he has moved out to the sofa, you feel hurt and rejected, rather lonely. Tell him that it is time that things changed, because if the two of you don't start making love again, it could be curtains for the relationship. Make him know you are serious!
If he tries to change the subject, tell him you know what he is doing and it is not going to work in this case. Tell him that if there is someone else, it's better for everyone if he just gets it off his chest, out in the open. You're an attractive, healthy woman and you will find someone to be good to you if he is not interested in that for some reason suddenly.
You need to love yourself enough that you won't let him pull away from you. You deserve good sex on a regular basis, and if he is sometimes impotent, he can still cuddle you. Don't let him keep slouching on that couch! Set fire to it!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Maybe you guys should see a counselor to help out with the problems. Only having sex 2 times in the last 5 years is pretty bad. Or try this, go buy a really sexy and I mean sexy costume or lingerie and why he is laying on the couch watching tv stand right in front of him and tell him what you would like for him to do to you and what you are going to do to him. If that does not work then you might what to hire a private detective because he might be cheating on you. Men need sex it's a must and I do not know one man that goes with out it for almost 5 years unless he is in his 60's.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Sometimes a man just goes throught that. It could be his work could be numerous things, for i have done the samething to a girlfriend and i will tell you it had nothing to do with her.
Some men feel comfortable sleeping on the couch while other people are in their rooms. It is a form of protecting the house and being the last in bed. Another is that I personally have a hard time going to bed to sleep, i seem to just lay there.
I wouldnt jump to any conclusions, ask him how he is doing, if he is under any stress, mabey he is depressed, dont jump to conclusions that it is about you because it most likely isn;t/
When you ask him for sex are you expecting a no?
Are you trying to prove you concerns correct?
He might sense it.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well he says you never try and you say you do... So, whatever you are doing when you try he is not seeing as trying. You really need to give us a bit more info.
Quite honestly if your the typical woman, your always waiting for him to make the first move. Also, you just might think getting naked is going to be enough to get him turned on, reality is that probably stopped working long ago. If you really want this to work your going to have to go out to the couch, sit next to him, and then innocently kiss him, and start letting your hands run all over his body. Be coy with him, let him think your going for it, but don't. If you want to get laid your going to have to become quite creative. He's bored with sex, and your going to have to find ways to get him interested in it again... . Otherwise your going to be stuck with the twice a year pity sex that he has been giving you.
- 1 decade ago
well to start out i am sorry. i have the same situation. my husband and i have not had sex in seven years. he makes me feel unattractive and ugly. he had a drug problem. and we never had this problem ten years ago so i dont understand it now. i miss the intimacy. i miss the affection. i even try and spice up our sex life. he can never say i never tried. after three years i stopped trying to sleep with him. i slept on the couch for the last six years and he slept in the bedroom. i am trying to keep marriage vows and lately after eighteen years of giving my heart and soul and putting everything i got in it i am ready to move on. i keep letting him know how i feel and he just acts as though i am joking. he will not go to seek help either cause he says it is just stress. i am five years older than him and he is 35 years old. i feel like i am with a ninety year old man. all i can tell you is tell him how you feel and go from there. if he is anything like my husband he dont think there is a problem. and he will keep changing the subject. take care of yourself okay and hang in there. dee
- Cheri >^.^<Lv 41 decade ago
I am so tired of reading, "its YOUR fault" answers! Its not all your fault, it is just as much his fault for not trying. Your husband has left you emotionally and physically, that is his fault!! He might be depressed or stressed out at work or just damn lazy. Get him to the doctors for a check up, high blood pressure decreases your sex drive too! There are a number of reasons couples stop having sex, talk to him first. Then break the TV in the living room and see if that doesn't get his lazy butt to bed!! Whatever the reason for his lack of attention, don't let it consume you because if your really trying that is all you can do! There are plenty of things a girl can buy to enhance her sex life, invite him to join you if he doesn't maybe you should count your lucky stars! Go Shopping!!!
- kathywLv 71 decade ago
He probably doesn't want to watch tv in your bedroom because he knows that you will ask him to shut it off so you can sleep. He may have insomnia. He may just enjoy unwinding by watching tv programs.
Start watching tv with him. If you're lucky and the sofa is a sofa bed, open it up, prop up a lot of pillows, get ready for bed and watch tv with him and have a glass of wine at bedtime. Or two or three. With him.
Do that for another year or two and see what happens; the situation may turn around. Try not to be distracting, try to get on his 'wavelength' and appreciate what he appreciates.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Forget about the tv, or even his sleeping on the couch. Those are symptoms, not the problem. You guys need to fix the problem, and the symtoms will take care of themselves. Obviously, you folks MUST talk. And not JUST talk. You must actually TALK, LISTEN, and heed. You guys have let your issues go unresolved- and you are living as roomies, instead of lovers. That will stop. You'll either becomes lovers again, or you'll become another divorced couple. You two either will do the hard work of learning to be a married, loving, team- or you'll divorce. So, is your marriage worth opening up to your husband? Or, do you just let things go on until one of you files for divorce, finds somebody else to love, or just gets sick of living in limbo. You both are cheating each other out of the good things about being married. Who's fault, who started what, and lots of other crap are unimportant. You guys can either coast along as you are- or you can find YOUR answers, and make your marriage worth saving, or you can end it. You'll choose. So, how do you start????? I suggest you bring things to to a head. Put the tv's in the garage. Take your bed into the living room. Be sitting on the bed when hubby gets home. The kids, if any MUST be gone. I suspect hubby will notice that something is going on- and he'll react. He'll either blow up, and leave, or you two can START dealing with your marriage. You guys didn't get screwed up over night, and you aren't going to repair your marrige instantly either. You both are going to have a LOT of crap to get resolved- and it is going to be the hardest thing you've ever attempted. Is your marriage worth work, pain, and effort? If so, WORK. If not, just file for divorce Monday.
- 1 decade ago
Is he clinically depressed?
Is he seeing someone else?
Do you fight a lot?
sorry, there are just too many things that could be happening...
If you get along otherwise and don't want to divorce him, and he really doesn't have an interest in sex and you do, then you can talk about an open marriage, but if you aren't even sleeping together.. I'd say it's time to move on. There are worse things in life than divorce. Really.