Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

Why did Helen Keller m@sturb@te with only one hand?

So she could moan with the other

6 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Two part joke the MAN'S SIDE......TO MY DEAR WIFE..?

    I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

    The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

    54 times the sheets were clean

    17 times it was too late

    49 times you wereDuring the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

    too tired

    20 times it was too hot

    15 times you pretended to be sleep

    22 times you had a headache

    17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

    16 times you said you were too sore

    12 times it was the wrong time of the month

    19 times you had to get up early

    9 times you said weren't in the mood

    7 times you were sunburned

    6 times you were watching the late show

    5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

    3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

    9 times you said your mother would hear us

    Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

    6 times you just laid there

    8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

    4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

    7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

    1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


    I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

    5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

    36 times you did not come home at all

    21 times you didn't ***

    33 times you came too soon

    19 times you went soft before you got in

    38 times you worked too late

    10 times you got cramps in your toes

    29 times you had to get up early to play golf

    2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

    4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

    3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

    2 times you had a splinter in your finger

    20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

    6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book

    98 times you were too busy watching TV

    Of the times we did get together:

    The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

    I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

    The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What is that from like the 1880's

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    totally old. like 80's old.

    here is a joke my brother told me.

    what do you call a female peacock?

    answer: a peacunt!! get it.

    anyways have a nice day.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well, that one was new to me. And funny, at that.

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  • 1 decade ago

    thats terrible!

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  • 1 decade ago

    wrong, but so funny.

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