My son found me and my husbands porn and condoms! and he was what?

Me and my husband are in our 40's and have a 15 yr old son. We were going to "bed" and was going to watch a "movie" but when we went to the box in my husbands closet to get the porn and condems they were missing. We didnt know where it could of gone, we had two movies and a 20 pack of condems and both movies and 10 condems were gone. So my husband went to my son's room (cause a few days ago our son was snopping in the closet) sure enough he found the condems and the movies. However my son was watching the movies and materbating with the condems open and on his bed. I walked in after and my husband and i just frooze. Our son ran out and locked himself in the bathroom. He is embaresed and wont talk to us or even look at us. What should we do?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Very normal what he did.Teens are very curious as to what their parents have in their rooms and will investigate.Let him know that you are not mad at him and you are not disappointed in him and that it was normal for him to do what he did in the privacy of his room.That's how most guys learn about how their bodies work before they leave home.This is the time where dad needs to have a one on one with him cause it's a guy thing. Just let him know that from now on to please respect your bedroom and if he is that curious about sex to please talk to both of you openly and with no repercusions. Also let him know that you both will not say anything to anyone in the family or to friends in conversation about what happened because it is a personal matter and it will stay that way.

    Dad needs to spend some quality time with him and start to let him know about life as a man and how to do personal things that he wants to do in the privacy of his room at certain times without having to be found out. I think dad can answer that better and it would probabaly sound better coming from him because he's a guy and dad would have that understanding as a guy.

    As a mom, don't feel left out. You knew that there would be a day when this time would arise.Let it be and let it go.Your actions will speak louder than words.When he finally comes out, he will be ultra-sensitive to his surroundings. Make it more comfortable by going out and getting a video for the three of you to watch that is humor based and does not pertain to sex.Do this while dad talks to him and settles him down.Have dad tell him that mom's o.k. with what happened and that it has no effect on you and that you see nothing wrong with what happened.Have dad tell him too that what was done is now over and done with and won't be brought up again.Not because it was bad but because he was extremely embarrased and that you both understand how uncomfortable he is at the moment.

    Treat him like an adult and he will be fine.Take everyday thereafter as if nothing went on and he will slowly come back to his normal self within due time.

    Make sure that you keep that communication gap open with him so if he ever has any questions he can feel comfortable talking to you about it.I have a teenage daughter and she and her friends always talk openly to me and my husband about what they encounter in life as kids and what they have questions about.I would rather have them talk to me then find out the wrong way from someone else.Sometimes it's amazing what they tell us because we never had to deal with things that they are subjected to nowadays when we were kids.At least I know that they are in good talking terms with us and will tell one of us if they ever have a question that may be personal or serious.

    Best wishes and good luck.I hope that I helped.

  • 3 years ago

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  • 1 decade ago

    Hi, yeah, I see the problem. lol. I would take a man to man talk with him. That is better than you the mom does it I guess. Boys in that age are very curious of course, and it is only natural what he did. I would try to make that talk very open, and explain the boy that you don`t are angry or anything like that. If you do that it will soon enough get forgotten. However, if you should be angry and yell at him, you only will keep him away from you. So don`t worry, be happy, because he is a normal kid, and the best place to learn about love, and about respecting the ones you care for, is in the home. Have a great summer, good luck, peace and love from Norway

  • 1 decade ago

    Let's see... first your son was "snooping" in your room - violation #1 - the SECOND you found out he had been in your room, you should have checked if anything was missing - obviously he KNEW you guys had "fun" stuff in there and that is what he went looking for. Your husband walked in to your sons room and you followed???? violation #2 - OMG, I am in shock you would do that, especially because you both strongly suspected he had your porn - what did you expect???

    NOW, you are going to have to ALL get together, ALL apologize for your rudeness to each other (snooping, stealing, walking in), set down some STRONG rules of privacy, and then let it go - - do NOT make a big deal over what he was doing - the snooping and stealing was much more an issue.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You have to confront the situation and remember that he is a 15 year-old boy. Tell him that there's nothing to be embarrassed of and that it perfectly natural. Sit him down for dinner or go to his room (KNOCK FIRST) and talk to him about it. It would also be better if you gave him the sex talk right then and there so you can get it all out in the open. This is also a time in his life where you must respect his privacy and give him a little space. You should also tell him that taking your condoms where wrong and maybe give him a pack of his own, this will make feel much better. It would be better if your husband talked to him more about sex so they can relate to it more together.

  • Cheryl
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Let it rest. As a Mother you should step aside and let your husband and your son have a few private moments. It is only natural and now he's embarrassed because his MOM knows what he was doing. Can't you just play a little blonde, like OK you were watching the movies. He doesn't need to know that you know what he was doing. That humiliating. Please don't embarrass him any further. This could be a huge turning point in his life and you don't want him to feel like a perv or even strange for him to be around YOU

  • 1 decade ago

    Give him his space and his privacy. He's at the age where the hormones are very much alive.

    School taught him all he really needs to know way back in the elementary years...

    As for snooping in your closet...let him know that that part was wrong.

    As for masterbation...it's good that he has chosen a "safer" method of release. Girls at his age are jail bait...and although they too are very active...a charge of rape can take everything you own away. His actions still bring in his parents accountability.

    Let him know that you are open to discussing the questions he might have, out side of that...give him his space and privacy. It's a natural fact of life...it's not wrong to masterbate, it was wrong for him to snoop and take stuff out of your closet.

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  • 1 decade ago

    oh LORD OF THE WANGS huh. Tell ur kid that its normal, and tell him to keep the movies and use the rubbers when the real deal goes down. Dont punnish the kid, getting caught is punishmnt enough. Fortunetly for me I always had a good hiding spot.

  • Ade
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You should talk to him with a completely straight face and tell him it was REALLY WRONG for him to have been going through your stuff. Ground him for a week. Tell him that masturbation is ok and that you two are not embarassed, and the whole thing is forgotten once his week of being grounded is over.

  • 1 decade ago

    buy him his own supply of stuff and no longer go into his room without knocking first.get him some magizines too.

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