How do I help my sister who's boyfriend just put her in the hospital?

She called me last night from the emergency room. He borrowed her car while she was in work & picked up her two hours late & was drunk. She took the keys from him & he beat her like a prizefighter. If the neighbor hadn't seen it from his window & called the police, he would have killed her.Thankfully she has no broken bones. She does have black eyes & he busted her mouth and the soft tissue in her jaw is damaged.

I don't live near her but I told her my husband and I want her to come and stay with us for a few days to get away but she said she doesn't want me to see her and cry or scold her.

I wouldn't dream of scolding her but I can't promise I won't cry. She can't even close her jaw it's so swollen.

My brothers live in the same city but they're not getting involved because they don't like the type of guys she dates.

I knew this might happen one day because he had mental problems that included paranoia and blackouts and he told the cops she 'fell down the stairs' --how DO I help her?


He is in jail for at least 28 days.

She went to court and got a restraining order against him and tomorrow she's going to the police station to file another report.

I would like nothing more than to injure this man myself but my sister is my priority.

The bf before this threw her against a wall and she broke up with him, got back together, and only when he hit her a second time did she end it permanently, which is why my brothers are disgusted.

I don't care if they're disgusted, she's still their flesh and blood.

It's her apartment, not his and if I take off any time to to to her, I will get fired. I feel like I'm completely helpless, except to talk to her on the phone, encourage her to come to us, and pray.

If you are a believer, please pray!

Update 2:

You know what's really sad? My father adored my mother. He would never hit her. My husband would never hit me, and my sister's ex-husband wouldn't either.

I've always thought she had good self-esteem. I always encouraged her from childhood that she was good and worthy.

I told her when they first started dating that it would be risky because he had blackouts and was he worth the risk and she thought she could handle it. Today she found out in court that he had two restraining orders against him and several warrants.

22 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Evenif you took your sister outof the situation. She'll probably go back to him. I've been there where she is. Until she opn her eyes and se that it's not true love. Then all you can do is keep talking to her. I had everyone yelling at me and telling me what they thought was best for me. I didn't care to hear. All I new was that I loved him. Just continue to show her love and to let her know that u're there fo her. She don't love herself enough and probably thinks thats all shes worth. Continue to love on her. She'll come around.

    God Bless

    keep a smile on your face and a prayer in your heart and everything will be okay

  • 1 decade ago

    Unless she wants to get herself away from him--and all other insecure "guys" like him--you won't be able to help her much. Do you know any women who have something like this in the past, and are now in a better place? Someone like that might be able to get through to her without making her feel judged. Help her realize that she has to get herself out of the situation. I'm honestly not pushing religion here, but churches truly are a good place to find someone who has "been there, done that", and managed to get on to a better situation.

    If folow the advice of some other people and call the police, have someone kick the $h!# out of him, "shoot him", or otherwise force your perspective on the situation, it won't really help. She'll find the next guy to replace him.

    Find someone who's been there and isn't anymore; someone she can relate to and who doesn't make her feel judged. Then step back and let them build a trusting relationship without you or anyone else invovled. Maybe she'll figure out it's best for her to find men who don't do this sort of thing, rather than "guys" who do.

  • Go and visit her. Have a good cry ahead of time so that you've let some emotion out before you see her. Then visit her. Tell her she drastically exaggerated how BAD she looked, and joke that she's never looked sexier. Then be there for her. Try to keep from crying, and really focus on what you can do to help her.

    One of my best friends' boyfriend tried to kill her...she was on oxygen for a few weeks, lost a ton of weight (she was tiny as it was), could hardly move...the most I could really do for her was cook her foods that she could manage to eat, massage her legs (he'd tied her to the back of his car and dragged her through the desert), help her slowly walk around...keep an eye out for little things like that that can help her be more comfortable.

  • 1 decade ago

    my mom's sister was in the same situation once. and all my mom wanted to do was beat the sh*t out of her boyfriend but she promiced her sister and her mom she wouldn't. all my mom could do was keep her promice and let her sister know that she was there for her when she needed her always. sometimes thats all u can do to help someone. u could stay with her by her side as long as u or her likes and thats about all u can do too. other than that i dont think there is anything else u can do. just let her know that u r there when ever she needs u and that will make her feel alot better knowin someone is there to help no matter what.

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  • 1 decade ago

    wow thats tough ive been thru an abusive relationship and the best way to get away is to get away leave everything and start over perhaps the ll will understand the situation and let her out of her lease she should come and stay with you and your brothers should be supportive you dont really know a person until your'e with them a while at first they dont show signs of abuse but later on it comes out in them and you are in shock you dont know what to do and since she doesnt have your brothers support shes stuck try to convince her to call the domestic hotline they will help her if she doesnt want to come to you. good luck and i will pray for her

  • jaded
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    she doesnt want you to scold her because she was beaten by her mentally ill nutcase boyfriend she had let borrow her ! car. and her own brothers are not interested. ( because they have seen it all before) but yet she calls you from the hospital, to have you do what, congratulate her on her fine taste in men? know what, when some people get hungry enough, only then do they leave to find food.

  • 1 decade ago

    Oh My God. I feel for your sister dear girl.

    I know a man that had severe blackouts, didn't drink, but was depressed, deranged, and threatened bad things to the family, and beat up his wife and child.

    Please, if your sister is not dependent on him, tell her to get out, and YOU help her out. Guys like this are psychopaths--no display of emotion or feelings for what they did, and they usually KILL. Get away ASAP!!!!!!!!!

    Contact a womans battered shelther near you for further assistance right away.....

    My prayers are with you and your sister.

  • 1 decade ago

    Invite BOTH of them out to your house...Ask him one day to go with you for a ride. Go out as far as you can possibly go out (to where you'll remember the way back of course)...stop at some off the wall store or wherever...hand him 2 dollars and tell him to go inside and buy you and him a soda...TAKE OFF AND LEAVE HIM THERE. If you're lucky, he won't find his way back. Make sure he doesn't know his way around though. That's the only way it'll work.

  • 1 decade ago

    It does not matter if you call the police and she wont cooperate! she has to understand at what risk she is putting herself in! He can do it again and again. Just talk to her, but dont push. Show her that you just want to help, but dont show her that you will get involved. The third person is the person who gets all the blame afterwords.

  • WVPV07
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I am so sorry about this, and thank God you care so much for your siste. It is so hard to watch something like this. Try to convince her to visit you, then get her into see a counsilor. Also talk to your brothers, see if they can possibly intervene on her behalf, just once, to get her away from the jerk.

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