Boyfriend doesn't want to work??

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 26. He (along with 25 other employees) got laid off from their jobs in December. He has been looking, but has been unemployed since. He recently got a new job in retail just to make some money, but he makes me nervous because he always says things like "I'm not ready to work again" and "I don't want to work" and "I want to work six months and then have six months off again." I get the impression that he has no interest in working and he comes off as lazy. This makes me nervous because I do see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Otherwise he's a fantastic boyfriend, but this laziness bothers me. He seems to already expect a great high paying job where he's the boss who does nothing...but he's only 26. Is this a red flag? Would you bring this up to him if you were me?


Whooooaaa Kaliroadrager...I do work full time and I have since I was 22. I enjoy my job and understand that I have to work...he doesn't. We don't live together and neither of us really supports each other. But eventually that might happen...hence the reason his disinterest in work scares me.

46 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I would definately bring this up with him, but be sure to approach it where he doesn't feel like you are attacking him. He needs to realize that he isn't going to land a job that has people working under him, making 6 figures without putting in hard work, which isn't defined as 6 months on 6 months off. It needs to be a dedicated year round thing so that when he gets a little older, he can have the luxury to take time off. If you are working full time, and he is too arrogant to think he's above a normal job where he is required to work 40hrs a week, maybe it's time to re-evaluate this relationship. It's going to be hard for you to have a life with this man if he can't support you in paying the bills and providing for children you may have. Just let him know you are concerned, not mad, that he hasn't found a job yet. Tell him you just want to make sure that you two have a secure future together, and a part of making sure that you have a secure future is that you both have good paying jobs that you go to on a regular basis.

  • blas
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    If you let him mooch off of you, it sounds like he will. Some people hate work more than others and will go to any length to not work.

    He's probably an awesome guy, sensitive, etc. Maybe he cleans the house or makes your lunch when you go to work. Okay. Cool. In this day and age you both need to work (most likely) you could probably get by with only one of you working, but how fair is that? So he took the garbage out. You worked for eight hours! Couples can have a great relationship yet finances can break them up. He MUST get another job before he quits. Have him work on a new resume to find a better job. Don't let him "take some time off" because this is a bad pattern. Especially if you guys want to build a future together and be financially secure.

    Source(s): Married to pot smoking musician for 10 years. Divorced.
  • MM
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    More of a yellow than a red flag, I think. It sounds like he's been working long enough to get a sense of how the working world operates and to learn that nobody (with the possible exception of the boss's kid) just gets handed cushy assignments. On the other hand, getting laid off probably was a major blow to his self-esteem, and his musings about a job that will give him six months off may be his way of trying to work through whether he wants to get back into the same field or do something different. Encourage him to see a career counselor or check some books out of the library so that he can start channeling those thoughts into a more productive search. If he won't make the effort to do that, then you can start to worry.

  • 1 decade ago

    He doesn't really seem to be living in reality right now.

    Perhaps being laid off from his job had a bigger effect on him that either you or he realized at the time.

    Looking for a new job is no easy task. It takes a lot of discipline and the will to not give up. Obviously he doesn't have that right now. He thinks that a great job is going to come along and fall in his lap and he's immediately going to be making tons of money.

    Of course, we all know the chances of that happening are slim.

    I think for right now you should encourage your boyfriend to keep looking. Don't nag him about it, but give him subtle hints. Maybe point out jobs in the paper or online that he might be interested in or suggest you guys work on his resume together.

    Ultimately though, it comes down to his desire to find another job. You can't find the job for him. You can help, you can encourage, but he needs to do the rest.

    If after your efforts he still just wants to sit around, then yeah, I would say bring up the issue. You can't spend your life with someone that won't do what it takes to make a living.

    Good luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I recommend the "What you see is what you get approach". Don't expect change and you won't be disappointed. If this bothers you even a little now, wait until you have 2 jobs and are paying all the bills while he is playing video games. You notice it's called game"boy".

    If he lines up a bunch of reasons why he can't do something - it's just a matter of time before you will be the reason he can't.

    Nice is great. Sweet is great. But a great, sweet guy who goes to work every day is even better! You will have something to talk about!!!

    By the way, I don't even think guys respect guys who don't have jobs.

    Keepin in real,

    Old lady who's been there

  • 1 decade ago

    Whoa, whoa, and whoa...first and foremost is that you should always approach a subject that is bothering you with your significant other. Honesty is the best policy. And if you really see yourself with this person for the rest of your life, it's definitely time to figure out where you stand. At 26 the desire to "work six months, have six months off again" might sound nice, but it's not how the world works for most people. Take some time and look back at your relationship. Has he always been this way? Even before you were together where the signs that we wasn't exactly motivated? Definitely time for some evaluation on your part, and once you've gotten your thoughts straight, it's time to bring it to his attention.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is a red flag - but nothing that can't be overcome.

    He simply got used to his "time off" where he probably got to do a lot of relaxing around the house while you worked.

    I'll admit that I would LOVE to have six months off during the year - but financially - that's just not possible.

    Speak with your boyfriend and let him know your fears about the future. Try and let him know that he will never be "the boss" if he doesn't put in some time and do the work.

    I think he'll snap out of it! My husband did after years of working a "seasonal" job six months out of the year, and me complaining about it. ;)

  • 1 decade ago

    Red flag all the way. I'm lazy too, but this dude's in a relationship, so he can't just think of just himself anymore. Let him know you're not about to support him and pay for his expenses. If he gets around to pulling his own weight, then it's all good. If not, forget him.

    Friends of friends of mine have stuck with deadbeats. It's sad and has made their lives hell. Give it some time, but not an indefinite amount.

  • Zinger
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like a red flag to me. I mean he is young and it has been over 6 months since he was laid-off. As far as a high-paid executive they pay you for a reason. I am a retired CFO and a lot of co-workers wanted my pay but not my job. He needs professional help and if not then you need to move on unless you want to work two jobs.

  • Rav
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It is a MAJOR red flag. Guys like that find themselves a sugar momma like you, and then expect everything else to be handed to them. I have seen the type before. Everything is always someone Else's fault when it comes to why they can't or won't work. If this sounds familiar, RUN girl RUN...... If he won't seek help for the way he feels about it, then he isn't trying and you should get away from him as son as possible.

    Many guys like that will say almost anything to keep their sugar momma, but in the end, everything is an excuse to pacify you. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

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