Swinging with friends?

My wife and I have 2 couples we spend a lot of time with, we have all discussed swinging in a joking manner but never serious. I would like to try it, but don't know how to get past the joking stage, I am sure none of us have ever swung before.

We can call the couples A/B and C/D.

From the joking it seems my wife would go with the flow, she has said she is most likely to do something with A. A would be quite willing to do something with my wife or with D. D seems to be open to the idea. B is completely against it. And it is hard to tell with C but I think he would want to do something with my wife.

So basically 5 out of 6 seem interested, any suggestions on going further? Preferably answers from people with experience, not interested in peoples opinion on the merits of swinging.

32 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I don't recommend swinging. The emotions get all messed up and complicated and soon you can be heading to divorce.

    It's just not worth it. Find your amusement some other way.

  • K K
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I am not against swinging, but it is definitely for everyone. You can make it work, but everyone has to be 100% turned into it. Do all the research you can, there is a lot of information available on line. Both you and your wife need to be involved in this research. Then you need to sit down and discuss all aspects, makeing sure you are both prepared and in complete agreement with the boundries you mutually set. The other couples should do the same, then you can decide if you want to form a group or not. If anyone has the slightest reservation then that couple should not proceed, nor should one spouse try to talk another into it or just give it a try to see what happens. Many people swing and have fun with it, but the successful one are the ones who have very good communication skills, and can exchange their thoughts and feelings with their respective partners. I am not real sure this could work with friends, it may but I think the risks are pretty high because it is doubtful all couple would take part, and then the friendships would begin to fall apart. You also might want to find a local swingers club, and go one night just as observers you don't have to take part, but it would give you a fell for what is happening. If you do it there is a risk but there are also rewards.

  • 1 decade ago

    If B is completely against it, then A is out. If B would not want to participate, then they would most likely not want A involved either.

    So now you are down to 4 that are interested. If D is open to the idea, the best thing to do is approach that person and get them to discuss it with C. Perhaps starting with foreplay involving all parties then separating into current couples for the "final stages" (maybe after one or the other couple goes home). Then if everyoen involved was ok with it and enjoyed themselves, try again, except stay in the same room for the "final step" using current couples. If that goes well, then perhaps consider swapping/sharing/whatever.

    The most important thing is to have one person from each couple to seriously discuss it or at least suggest it. Then decide within the current couples if everyone is ok with at least trying. What, how far, and the "combinations" can be discussed or played by ear.

  • 1 decade ago

    For the love of God, don't do it!

    There's a saying among swingers:

    "Make friends out of swingers, but don't try to make swingers out of friends."

    This is something that each couple has to decide upon within the dynamics of their own relationship, and it's no one else's business to help them decide. You and your wife both are interested, and so you should explore that further, but I would NOT recommend exploring with other inexperienced and/or unsure couples. Look for experienced couples who know what they're doing, why they're doing it, and are comfortable with all aspects of the lifestyle. Mentors, so to speak. "Experienced" doesn't mean hard-core. It just means they've answered their own questions and you can benefit from their advice.

    The decision to swing is a highly personal one, and just because 5 out of 6 people are agreeable, it makes no difference to the one who is not. It's not a democracy. Keep joking about it with them if you like. A little light flirting like that is fun and pretty harmless, but be sure that everything is kept above the table. I would avoid doing anything more than that with close friends until all involved have gotten some experience swinging elsewhere. Friends are too valuable to be used as guinea pigs.

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  • 1 decade ago

    People, c'mon, he asked for those with experience, not those that want to comment on the horrors of swinging. Swinging in itself does not destroy a marriage, just as guns do not kill people, people kill people. If a man is going to fall in love with someone else, cheat with someone else, etc etc etc.....he will do it anyway.....maybe later than sooner, but if you have a dishonest spouse it will happen eventually and not because of what you did or didnt experiement with. Some people think that BDSM is a horrible thing too....but to each his own. From a cpl that has swung for many years, and yes...safe..or safer sex only......we have made good friends, freinds we play pool with, cookout with, cards, movies, etc....we also have awesome sex with each other and others. You have to have a strong stable marriage, total honesty and respect, and then feel free to try it if you all desire. If one party is not at all interested however, things will not work and that may hurt their marriage if the husband keeps trying to push her into something that she does not want. If you are still interested in doing this to spice things up, and the other cpl arent both into it, then try swappernet.com, their are millions of cpls that do swing, are your normal office workers, teachers, nurses, you name it, and you can meet them through there. You only live once if this is something you are interested in.....or if you are scared...it can always just be a fantasy that you talk about to spice sex up a little, you dont always have to fufill all fantasies.

    But most important make sure you and your spouse are on same page and want same thing out of the experience.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Forget A/B. Find out if your wife will do C. If yes, then ask C if he is into it. If yes again, make a date and try it out "soft" at first. Soft swap is where you have sex with your own spouse in front of the other couple. It also includes touching the other wife/husband in a sexual way with your hands. If everything is still a go, then you can go to a "full swap" which is intercourse with the others spouse. good luck, be careful and have fun

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm not sure swinging with friends would be a good idea. You have an emotional attachment to them and it may really change your friendship. What if one couple gets together and end up liking it better then their spouse? It wouldn't bother you to have your wife with another man who is your friend? Have you thought about meeting a couple who has done this before and are more like an acquaintance rather than good friends?

  • 1 decade ago

    While I've never been a swinger myself, I know plenty who are. One complaint I've heard some make is that once they started doing their friends, they didn't have any couples to just hang out with, it ended up being all about the sex. I've seen some friendships ended by swinging too, my thought is it isn't worth it. You're better off with a club.

    If one member of a couple is opposed, it's highly dishonest and unfair to invite the other to participate. That's called cheating, and you don't do that with your friends. So A/B are out.

  • 1 decade ago

    Suggest going to a swing club or party. Stick with your own partners. Just go to watch and meet people. You'll have a great time and all questions will be answered.

    swinglifestyle.com is a great website to find clubs and such.

    Now that being said, your marriages must be rock solid. Swinging can't hurt a solid marriage, only an insecure one.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, years ago my ex and I watched a porn with a couple of friends. While watching, I had this intense desire to start kissing and undressing her right there in front of them, and begin having sex. Just start to go all out. That would leave them the choice of four things. #1: Get up and walk out. #2: Just sit back and watch us. #3: Start doing the same thing. #4: Do the same thing, but join in with us (4-sum). I figured that this was something that would have been cool to do, but didn't do it. It would have been something completely spontaneous. Not even something my ex knew I was thinking. I always wondered if they would have joined us or not. My suggestion for you would be to do this exact thing with group C/D. Since you know B is not into it, it wouldn't be right. Only try this with one other couple present. Invite C/D over to your house. Relax, and sometime in the night, place a porn in the DVD player. Then start doing what I thought about doing. 1 of 4 things will happen from that point. Just make sure that you don't let them know what your intentions are. If it works, invite the other group over and do the same thing. If that works, invite both groups over and have fun.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Seriously, from one who has experimented in this area, you have to consider how much you love your friends, because by opening up the "sexual door," you can run a pretty good risk of screwing up a great friendship.

    Can it all work out OK?

    It can, but the odds are against it.

    You'd be better off doing it with strangers.

    Just some words of experience from one who knows....

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