? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Can you tell me what you think of my poem? Please?

DNA

Blood drips silent

from a roses bud

till a droplet

taps the ripples

from the first

drop of blood

Over hangging

is the victim

with a noose on tight

and a sloppy

c-section

that wasn't cut right

Fading in the

distance are a

babys cries

as a monster

takes the infant

while the mother dies

No, he's not

the father nor

any next of kin

he's just a

heartless coward

comitted to sin

Two days later on the

news it's said the

monster's been tracked down

but, the infant

that he sorely took

was no where to be found

20 years later

the case was solved,

a rookie with curiousity,

he had a picture

of the mother, an attitude and

his DNA matched perfectly...

9 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's a bit "prosey", good twist, but a little too direct (which is why it sounds a bit prosey). Still, not a bad job considering the topic. This poem would be called a "grue". Check out www.newpoetspress.com under the word of the week section, down under "other words".

    Again, nice job.

    Source(s): Editor, New Poets Press
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I loved it!!! WAOW! AMAZING! You caught my attention right from the start. I dont like rhyme but you were amazingly good. The idea was so creative, very imaginative. It had a very nice flow, a great concept, nice sentence structure.... I enjoyed the way you let the reader fill the things in between the lines. Beautiful work! 10/10

  • 1 decade ago

    nicely written someone in answers said you have a talent for writing poetry. I would like to add some people have it others don't. I interpreted here some parts scary like a murder case dealing with DNA. But the poem was written awesomely.

    Source(s): keep up the writing
  • 1 decade ago

    Good poem, a little bit on the creepy intense side but I assume thats how you wanted it. Good work, keep it up!

    Keep Writting!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Did you write this honey....if you did then you certainly have a gift for writting poems....it is a special gift and you should try and develop them....although this particular one is sad....but it tells the story with so little words....well done ;)

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds good. Keep up the writing.

  • 1 decade ago

    Interesting.

    Unique subject matter.

    Pace is good.

    Perhaps slightly more visuals, but I digress, as heinous is implied.

    Would like to see more of your work...

  • Argent
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I really like it. Its very dark and mysterious,but it very suspenseful and thats how I write. We should hook up.

  • 1 decade ago

    Its kind of scary. But its okay!

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