Can you tell me what you think about this poem? Please?

Metomorphisis

Demons are crawling,

all around my bed

I sit and scream

as they slip into my head

nodody hears my silent crys

soon they eat me alive

theres a pool of my blood around me

as they hold there breath and dive

soon they are drinking my thoughts

taking everything away from me

and re creating me

all my life washes away

replaced by silent whispers

I can not control

Now I am living a night mare

emty never again full.

Its not great but it has meaning to me so what do all of you think?

Update:

EMPTY! Sorry I mess up alot when I type, probley distracted away from my poem.

Update 2:

This poem is about a family member who did meth for awhile and he basically went insane kinda like he was controlled by evil, or giong insane.

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    That is what drugs can do to people.

    Honey people express things in different ways and nobody can tell someone there poem does not fit.

    You did a good job, I liked it.

    I love to express my emotions through poetry to.

    I also wrote one on here about addiction but they took it off.

    I am going to put it back on so you can read mine to.

    Tell me what you think please.

    Keep up the writing Hun.

  • 1 decade ago

    i will truthfully and honestly take off the sugar coating.

    A) spellcheck. If you can't do it right by yourself, it's right there.

    There is very little useful, or original imagery, and the theme is something that has been done several times before.

    Because something has meaning to you does not mean it expresses the same way to others.

    Poetry is all well and good, but this is the kind of thing you see every day from every kid with a paper and pen. It's the classic end rhyme structure, without much that would stand out from anyhting else.

    I don't mean to crush your spirit or anything, It's just that this is alot of what has been seen before. I don't know if you plan to take the criticism to heart or ignore it because it's negative, but do with it what you will.

  • 1 decade ago

    A good, dark macabre poem. I especially like the last two lines: "Now I am living a nightmare/ empty never again full."

    My only advice would be to use an enjambment. That way the last two lines would read: "Now I am living a nightmare empty/ never again full." With an enjambment the second to last line when read alone indirectly reads one way, but when you take the last two lines together they mean something completely different. It is just one way to make lines of poetry have two meanings at once.

    Overall, a good poem.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like someone is trying to blame demons or evil for what they have become....soundlike they think that they cannot control over their life which is not true because the base of every living things and it is genetically build into you that you are in control of your own survival and you are your own able to fight whatever comes and tried to take over your survival for example....virus.....and if you and your ownself failed then you would perish and the other invaders cannot and will never be able to take your form for they are genetically unable too

    Honest sound like a song from some heavy metal group

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  • 1 decade ago

    Actually, I thought it was pretty great! The ending is a bit awkward... try this perhaps:

    I do not control

    Now I live a nightmare

    empty

    never full

    forever

    just a thought!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dark but I like Poe also.

    You can do a little work with the way it flows.

    It is a really good start!

    Never stop writing!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    To be honest, it seems unoriginal to me.

    Dark poetry is becoming "popular" and is far too common these days.

    Its not bad for a dark poem, but I'm really just tired of seeing them, and I imagine a lot of other people are too by now.

  • 1 decade ago

    yeah it great but i think your are hotter then the poem i loke your pic but i love that poem

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ooooooooooooooo, i like it alot, it sounds like you put a lot of thought into it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    it really good, you spelt something wrong though emty should be spelt empty

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