I need discipline help?.....details....?

Here is the thing, my hubby is the one that does the punishing, my hubby is in the army and leaves sometimes for a year, well, he is gone at this time and i swear, my kids no they can walk all over me, they don't listen, they argue, backtalk, it's out of control, i hate to spank them, time out doesn't seem to work becasue after the time out they just go back to the bad behavior...i've taken things away.....they don't seem to care, any suggestions on how i can get them to mind and behave?...thanks.


My children are 4 and 8 years old.

29 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    As hard as it may be to spank, the cold hard fact is, that, if a child doesn't learn discipline from their parents, then they have to learn it from life.....and life hits a lot harder than any child's parents ever will. Spank them. It's the right thing to do.

  • Madre
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Consistency is the answer. They sound like normal kids, but your discipline will never work if the outcome for the "crime" isn't consistent, and if pursuing punishment for committing the crime isn't followed through every single time. Make them listen...get down on their level, eye to eye, make the sit down, and then you speak. If they argue, then at that moment, it's not up for discussion until they are ready to discuss rather than argue. Backtalk? Good luck stopping that one, but you can reduce it by saying what you want to say and then walking away. What they say under their breath, or after you've left the room, isn't really a big deal...it's going to happen.

    Another problem may be that you need to narrow down the issues. They don't listen? Ok, WHEN don't they listen? Are they fighting, and you tell them to stop and they refuse to listen? Then the issue is fighting, not that they aren't listening to you. Punish the behavior, not their reaction to you telling them they can't do it.

    Spanking, time out, taking things away...which ever you choose is your perogative, but just be consisten...even when you're husbands home.

  • wendy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You have to be a partner in the disciplining and parenting of your children. I have no doubt it's hard to be the equivalent of a single parent while your husband is away....but that's exactly why you need to be a strong mother. Otherwise your children loose the benefit of having a parent while he is gone.

    My guess is you either haven't found the thing that matters to them to take away, or you haven't done it consistantly so they've realized the consequences. You have to make a stand, and follow thru with the punishment you deem reasonable. Only you know the parenting style that works for you. I'm also not a huge fan of spanking...but have as a last resort. And for the record, once they realize they may get spanked.....the need for it disappears. Time outs have worked in my home. My children have had to sit on their beds for what ever time I think they've earned. No TV, no books....no toys....nothing. They get to be bored and think about what they've done. I choose their room so I don't have to look at thier pouting faces while they're being punished and listen to them complaining. I even add time to the punishment for complaining/playing or leaving the room. I believe in consequences. Kids need to learn that they exist....life is filled with them. And you need to make sure they respect you...if they don't, they won't other adults. Including teachers and other persons of authority. It will make their life difficult because adults will resent them and not tolerate their behavior. You'll be able to regain control and respect easily once they realize it' no longer acceptable. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Being in your postion is the toughest job to do. You really need your husband to be there to help, but he can't be. So my suggestion is this: you must be firm, but gental at the same time. When you don't spank them you are giving them the wrong message. You must swallow your pride and give them a spanking hard enough for them to know that you mean what you say. When the crying is over, come to them and tell them that you still love them, but they need to do what you tell them. It will hurt your feelings, but you must do it. I don't know how old they are, but the older they get, the worse it will get, if you don't stop it now. Tough love is the best cure for this type of situation. Try to spend some quality time with them if you can. They feel like that they are not getting enough love and effection from you. Just five minutes ever two hours a day will make a big difference. I hope I have helped you with your discipline problem.

    Source(s): Life's experience is wisdom that is aged with knowlege that must be freely given to those who seek it, when called upon to so do.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Communication is key. I am not a parent but I am a middle school teacher which means I have to discipline 500+ eighth graders. You don't have to spank your kids, If they are older they will just laugh anyway. The best thing is when they are still on their punishment, whether it is timeout or whatever, you have to talk to them, tell them what they did wrong, explain what you expect them to do next time. Tell them they disappointed you, that you expect more of them. The first one should be long. Then whenever they repeat the behavior (which will happen for a while) you remind them of what you expect. The key is to not respond in anger. Respond calmly and just talk. Be consistent and always have the talk at some time during the punishment.

    Good Luck and keep at it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You better take control or you will end up with (if you haven't already) B R A T S that NO ONE wants to be around. There is NOTHING wrong with spanking a child. One good smack on the backside sends a shock to the system. They won't like it, and they will start to listen better. If they don't listen, argue, and backtalk - that is your fault. You are allowing the bad behavior to continue. Your kids were not born that way. Stop relying on your husband to discipline your children and take control!!!!

  • Bleak
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    They need to learn a little respect for you. What would you do if someone else treated you like that?

    Spanking works. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like to do. If it works for your husband (assuming he spanks them) it'll work for you too!

    If after you put them in time out and they start misbehaving again, put them right back in. After a while of you doing that, they'll start to understand.

    If you've taken things away and they didn't care, you didn't take the right things away. Take away anything they do on a daily basis and enjoy. Phone, computer, TV, friends, playing with the dog.

    Make them do chores. The worse the chores are, the better. Cleaning up dog poop, make them go around the block and pick up garbage, etc.

    Tell them you're going to tell their dad if they don't start listening. And really do! Don't just threaten or else after a while they won't believe you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Nita I don't want you to think I'm trying to be mean, but One person who only does the disabling will never work for children!

    You both need to do it and now sadly your paying the price , but it a quick fix if you do it right!

    Now this is what my wife and I did with our 5 kids, and three Nieces and nephews, sit your boys down and inform them the punishments will be Fourth coming on violations of your house rules!

    Then publish those rules so everyone can see them work them out anyway you need to, but make sure theres now wiggle room in the rules that are posted!

    One more thing always be willing to adjust a rule that a child thinks unfair as long as it does not hurt the policy of your home and rules set fourth!

    3 of my rules I will give you are these for EXAMPLE"

    (This is first rule posted in our home!)

    1)Their no rebuttal when a parent informs you that something needs to be done. if you chose to offer violation or to dismiss the item in question then the punishment will fit the violation!

    (This is second rule posted)

    Theres no alcuale of any type to be consumed by a minor in our home or outside of it no matter what!

    ({one of the thing We use NITA is the full word because if theres any doubt about what the word means then they will need to look it up in a DICTIONARY that next to posted rules!})

    3. No use of narcotics of any kind!

    Once again publish your rules the way you need to with consequences right next to them!

    This is something both you and husband both need to have input on and then share with the kids good luck because at that age I know I have been their already, and am going there again 4 more times!

    I hope this helps you out!

    Source(s): Oh god have mercy on us!
  • 1 decade ago

    I think you and your husband need to get on the same page regarding discipline so that the kids know that whether he is home or not, they will be expected to behave. This message has to come from both of you to them and consistently. When he is home, they should experience you as the discipliner as well as him and the means of discipline should be the same from both of you. Otherwise, they'll realize there is a wedge between the two of you that they can manipulate. And kids instinctively know how to do that very well. When he gets back, sit down with him and discuss it seriously. Heck, write down what the disciplines will be if you have to so that the two of you can stay on track. As long as you are acting together and consistently, you will prevail. Good luck!

  • ny21tb
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    How does Your Husband, discipline them? whatever He does, You need to do. nothing is worse than sending a young child, mixed messages. I have seen this with My own grandchildren. if, My daughter, is handing out the discipline, they run to their dad and, He let's them have their way and, vice versa. when they are at My house, they are very well behaved because, they know it wont work with Me or, My Wife. I pointed this out to My Son in law and, Daughter and, they said they didn't even realize they were doing it. but, with consistency, things have been getting much better over the last eight month's. hang in there and, stick to Your guns. You should also, deliver some of the discipline, once Your Husband gets home.

  • 1 decade ago

    I hate to say this, but you have been your own worst enemy. Too many mothers don't discipline thier children. They are weak and leave it to the father. Mothers need to quit doing this and make thier children respect them. The reason why a lot of young men these days do not respect women is because thier mothers never taught them to respect them.

    You need to start punishing them yourself and not wait for DADDY to get home. That is a weak way to bring up your kids.

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