Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

I'm 25 years old and my parents are still controlling me?

I'm 25 years old with a bachelor's degree, recently I've received a job offer to move away to another state (California). I really want to take this offer, but my parents dont want me to go. It's like they dont think that I can do anything on my own. I've lived out on my own for a year now, but I've always been close to home, I really really want to take this opportunity (especially since my boyfriend also lives in California), but my parents dont want me to go. I dont want to completley rebel against my parents because I dont want to ruin my relationship with them, but I dont know if I have any other choice, they need to start letting me make my own decisions. What do I do?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Go to California and get a life. I cant believe you even have to ask peoples permission. No wonder they control you, you're a doormat.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like your parents love you and are concern about your well being. And they will probably REALLY miss you being around.

    Maybe think about taking it slow...since they seem to be attached to you. Maybe be patient wait for a job in your area, then move further away from your parents, think about adding an additional 20 - 25 minutes between your homes. Then they can slowly get used to the idea that you are grown and free to come up with your own ideas.

    Also, the being grown process will speed up (in their eyes), if you stay out of their pockets (because then you will be able to fully take care of ALL your needs and not need their money). It is natural for people to feel as though they can tell you, what to do, when they are spending their money on you.

    I do have a question. Do your parents like your boyfriend? It could be that they are concerned that you will be far away from them and they will not be able comfort you in your time of need (god forbid - but if he hurts you, you'll need their loving arms and comforting words and they will want to help you through it).

    If they are not crazy about the boy friend, then they probably think the move is a step towards the wrong direction. Will you live with him when you move? Either way you have to make the decision for yourself, but just know that when you stand and make yor own decisions, later own when you need your parents, they may not be excited to help you. Especially if they feel that you, fell to make quality decisions.

    Hope This Gets You One More Step Towards, Your Emotional Independence... :)

  • Sue F
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Change is difficult for parents, but necessary in all of our lives. You are an adult, you need to start acting like one.

    At the age of twenty five you could be married with several children by now, so they should think themselves lucky that you have stayed close to them for all this time.

    If this is a great job opportunity, go for it, you do not want to look back in a few years and regret the fact that you did not accept a job you truly wanted because of pressure from your parents.

    You are only considered to be a rebel if you are a teenager going against your parents wishes.

    Go, accept the job and have a great adventure in a new place.

    Your parents will be upset at first, but once you are settled and doing well, they will be proud of you.

  • Okay, as a mother who is likely old enough to be your mother, I will say that you need to make your own decisions and live your own life. Your parents are having trouble letting go. I made a poor life choice many years ago when I let my parents influence my decisions. They had such a hold over me, even though they weren't controlling. It was my mother really. I loved her dearly (she is dead), but she was very critical. I wanted to be a Sociology major in college & she told me that sociologists were flakes and kooks. Because I didn't want to disappoint her, I changed my major to Business Administration and that is what my Bachelor's Degree is in.

    To this day, I have never had a job where I have used my degree and I have been unhappy in most of my jobs. I only enjoyed 1 job I had, and that was as a ward clerk (like an administrative assistant) at a nursing home. Why did I like that job so much? Because I was helping and interacting with people, which is what I would have been doing had I followed my dream and got a degree in Sociology instead of Business. I could go back to school, but many things have happened through the years & it isn't practical right now.

    My advice to you is to tell your parents that you love and respect them and much as you want to honor their wishes, you have to make your own decisions and live your own life the way you feel it is best. I would tell them that they had the chance to live their lives the way they felt is best and now it is your turn. Tell them that you have to take this opportunity, even if it doesn't turn out to be a good one because if you don't take it, you will always wonder if you gave up a good opportunity. Tell them that you count on them to be there to advise you and that you will make every effort to see them and stay in touch as much as possible. You can tell them that with you living in California, they will have someone they can stay with if they ever want to visit California.

    I had parents similar to yours & I can tell you that loving parents might act hurt for awhile, but they will come around when they realize that you are right. As one old enough to be your mother, AND a mother myself, I suggest you follow your dream - not your parents' dream for you. As my own mother used to say, "it will all work out".

    On a final note, I live in California. This is my home state. It's expensive to live here, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've lived elsewhere and I'm so glad to be back home. You will either love it here or not. You have to have the freedom to discover this for yourself.

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  • TX Mom
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You're 25. If you're not capable of taking care of yourself in CA by now, you are severely handicapped. Are you an only child? Your parents sure seem overprotective. Oh, and rebelling is for teenagers.

    It'll be a hard problem to solve, but you've got to tell them you're leaving without hurting feelings and severing the relationship. Tell them as gently as you can that you are an adult and you make your own decisions. You will still rely on them for advice, if and when you ask for it.

    We ran into the same problem with parents when the grandkids got here. We simply weren't raising them right. We bridged that problem and everything is peachy keen. But a few toes had to be stepped on first.

    Do not live the rest of your life allowing your parents to dictate all of your major decisions. You and your entire family will suffer greatly for it.

    deb

  • 1 decade ago

    The thing is, they're controlling you because you're surrendering control because you're likely afraid of confrontation. Every person growning into adulthood reaches a moment where some issue forces a confrontation; a conflict between parental wishes and the new adult's desire for autonomy. It was true for me with my parents, and my daughter with me. This is a rite of passage...it's enormously uncomfortable and agonizing, but absolutely necessary. Once you "take" a definitive stand on whatever this issue may be, you'll discover your parents aren't the "enemy" you think they are....they'll support your decision and help you on your way in whatever way they can. The trouble is, you just haven't stepped up yet. When you do, the tension will be brief, and you'll be just fine. Welcome to the adult world. Good luck to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    talk w ur parents and tell them how u feel. let them know that u are moving because this is a great opportunity for u not only career wise, but to grow as a person. let them know that ur not doing this to rebel, u dont want to damage the relationship and u love them, but u have to do this or u may end up regretting it. let them know u will visit them as often as u can, but this is something u really must do. since they love u they will understand

  • 1 decade ago

    Your parents only want what they feel is best for you, and you have to respect that. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment. What real parent do you know, that wants to see their child/ children fail? My advise to you is to pray on the situation. Move, if that is what you have decided. And try to do your best since you have made the decision to relocate. Your parents are going to love you regardless of what decision you make, good ones or bad ones. Good luck in whatever choice you make.

  • 1 decade ago

    move to california. They aren't letting you make ur own decisions because they dont think your capable. prove them wrong, but insure them that you'll still contact them, phone, email ect. Also if anything is wrong they'll be the first to know. They want to watch their daughter grow up but they need to know they cant watch it all, and that it is possible to watch from a distance.

  • 1 decade ago

    move honey......your parents are being protective but once they see that you are doing ok and you can make it out there in the world without being next to them....they'll come around...trust me your parents love you unconditionally and if you make a mistake they will be there for you......i moved soooo many times away from the state i live in and i always come back....i need to experient what else is in the world besides my parents....and since your b/f lives there too that will be cool to go and see him and start being with him......SO BE AN ADULT AND MAKE THE MOVE.......GOOD LUCK

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