I'm 16, and I'm stressed out by my mother...?
I'm 16 years old, soon to be 17 on July 27th. I've been through a lot these few years. My mom has been stressing me out for a long time, so enough is enough. My older brothers and sisters don't talk to her, cause this major stress my mom placed on them. I'm considering in moving out, the following reasons why:
1. I get no privacy from my mom, she opens my mail and walks in my room without knocking (saw me naked about 10+ times)
2. She uses my SSN# to obtain phone service, last time I saw a cable bill run up to $8k from calls to Cuba. Believe me, she hasn't done this to me alone but to my other brothers and sisters. She has this "necessity" to call Cuba all the time.
3. My mom calls me all sorts of name, and one thing I would never forgive her for saying; she said, "I regert having you, there isn't a passing moment that I regert giving you life" Yes It's hurts like hell
Those are pretty much the major of "Why"
Is there anywhere I can move out before the age of 18? Please help.
I love my mom to death it's that, she wants everything her way. She just thinks of herself. I mean, she gets angry when I eat, and yet she get's mad when I don't eat. All she thinks of is her Food Stamps (actually ours but says it's hers) and those Welfare checks, she spends it on her; yes those checks that are suppose to help out the kids to buy cloths but she spends it like she made that money. My parents live off the goverment basically, and they want me to work so they can charge me my $300 for a room that can't fit any of my stuff.
In my house and all the time, I just want to cry, cry my heart out. How horrible my life has turned out to be. I cry when I see my friends having better stuff then I do. I try to have those same things but can't catch up. It's eating me alive; when I try to talk to my mom, and I get is yelling and saying "I don't care"
If there is a problem, my mom will deny everything and she'll say that I have something wrong with me mentally.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I am a mother and my heart is breaking for you. I have a teenage son (well, he's 18 now), so I understand the need for kids to have their own space and to have privacy. What your mother is doing is horrible and let me just say that it is NOT normal. What your mother is doing with your social security card is illegal - it is considered fraud and she could actually go to prison for doing that. The food stamps are NOT hers. She is only able to receive food stamps because she has children. Unless she has a disability or is receiving welfare because the government is requiring her to look for work while receiving benefits, the only reason she is even able to qualify for food stamps is because of her income level and the amount of children who are her dependents. I know this from personal experience because when I was married to my ex-husband, we were on welfare and food stamps for a time. If your mother is able-bodied and capable of working, she cannot just get food stamps for herself only. No matter what, because she is providing for you and your siblings, then the law will say that the food stamps are for the family, because the amount your mother receives in food stamps is based upon a family of 4 or 6 or however many people live in your home.
Let me just say one thing about your mother telling you that she regrets having you. Any mother who would say such a thing to her child is horribly cruel. As a mother, I can tell you that unless your mother is a horribly dark-hearted woman, she does NOT regret having you. No mother, unless she is completely heartless, regrets having her child. From the moment a woman first feels her baby moving inside of her, she begins to develop a love or connection to that child. When a mother holds a baby and is amazed by the sheer miracle of life that she helped create, a bond is created. Now your mother might be very unhappy with her life and the friction in the home and with you might be such that she gets very upset and frustrated with you. When parents are frustrated with their kids, they will often say strongly worded things to get their message across that they are upset. Still, that doesn't mean that they mean everything they say. I think that from what you have described in your question, that your mother is just a very unhappy and stressed woman and she is taking it out on you and your family. That is sad. Please don't believe everything she says about you as being true. She is hurting and feels better when she can make you hurt as well because then she doesn't have to hurt alone.
Now for what you can do about this? Well, it sounds to me like you need to live elsewhere. Your parents should not be pressuring their children under 18 to get a job so that they can charge them rent to live in the home that it is the parents' job to provide for them, when the parents themselves are collecting welfare and food stamps. The parents should be working 2 or 3 jobs if necessary to provide for their family. If they have to supplement their income with welfare, then so be it. Sometimes it's hard to find adequate work and people need welfare to help them out. That's what it's there for. It sounds though like your parents are abusing the welfare system and trying to take advantage of welfare and their own children. You sound like you are in a very unhealthy home.
You also sound like considering the homelife you have, you have a good head on your shoulders and are pretty mature for your age. You can legally declare emancipation from your parents, which would mean that your mother cannot legally claim you as a dependent and she would lose the amount of welfare and food stamps she was getting based upon you being a dependent (however much your portion would be). You would then be able to move out if you wanted to and have the legal rights of an adult, I believe (not voting or buying cigarettes, but of obtaining your own apartment etc).
My suggestion would be to contact your department of social services in your area. Call them on the phone or go there in person if you can (be prepared to be there a long time if you go in person). Tell them your situation (social security number usage, your mother claiming the food stamps are hers only, parents putting pressure on you to get a job so they can charge you rent etc). You could simply call the Child Protective Services Number in your area and make a report. These reports are confidential and your parents would never know that you reported them. Anyone can make a report - a neighbor, relative, friend, doctor, social worker - anyone who suspects anything that isn't right. Therefore, there is no way that your parents would know you made the report if you don't say anything to them or your siblings about it.
Social Services or Child Protective Services can launch an investigation. They may try to remove you and your siblings from the home and put you in a foster home. This is something that you should discuss with the person you are talking to, if it is a concern for you. I know there are horror stories about foster homes, but there are also so many wonderful, loving foster families that help provide safe and secure homes for people in your situation. A social worker can help you figure out the best way to get help in this situation. You could also talk to a Youth Center or a pastor or priest at a local church. They can advise you. If you have done nothing before school starts, then when you go back to school, you can talk to the principal or a school counselor. Schools are mandatory reporters, so anything you tell them which will raise concern, they are obligated to report. You can get help that way. Whatever you do, talk to an adult who can help you. As a mother, I am concerned for you and your siblings. You should get out of your home as soon as you can. Your mother is not only breaking the law, but she sounds as if she is mentally unhealthy. You will only be in for a miserable couple of years until such time as you become an adult and can move out on your own. You shouldn't have to live like that. Best of luck to you. I will be praying for you that this situation will work out for the best and you will get whatever help you can.
- 1 decade ago
It sounds like your parents need you more than you need them. I would talk to your older brothers or sisters and ask if you can stay with them. They know what it is like to live with your mother and I'm sure if you told them that you will work and pay your share, they will help you out. I think it is wrong of the things she does and one day it will catch up with her. I know you love your parents and this must hurt you very much, but you seem very smart and it seems as though you have raised yourself. Talk to your older siblings and I;m sure at least one of them will find a way to help you. It is hard to sometimes understand why parents act the way they do or say the things they say. I don't know if your mom will ever change but have you tried to talk to her about how you feel? Point out the fact that the others couldn't wait to leave home and you feel the same. Your mother may not want to hear what you have to say and it may end up in a big fight, but you know your mom and if it will make thing worse than you have to decide it is worth the effort to talk to her. My suggestion to you is find a job and open up your own bank account. Put every penny you can into your account. Talk to other family members.Source(s): All the best to you
- SusanLv 44 years ago
Taugh love! Ask Mercedes to call you by your name, because is affecting Jared who does not want to betray their deceased parents. Start renting videos of the consequences of getting addicted to pot or what's worst alcohol or cigarrets very addictive and expensive to get detox. Tell them they will become the same as who they hung around with. These are no longer kids; you know that. The law is that when they are under your custody they have to follow your rules unitil they turn 18. Then they can fly on their own, or you will be forced to call the proper authorities and place them with foster parents. Unfortunetly these youngsters don't know what they have until they lose you. let them have a little taste of what is living with foster parents assigned by the state is, or better why don't you try the T.V. program about swaping moms. They will appreciate you a lot better.
- 1 decade ago
My suggestion is for you to contact your local County or City Lawyer's Bar Association and ask for the phone number to the local Legal Aide Society (free legal help to those who qualify). You may qualify to be emancipated (meaning you will be considered an adult in the eyes of the law). If considering this option it will be necessary to prove to the court that you will have a place to live and a way to take of yourself, etc. An attorney will be able to tell you the laws of your state and what options you have.
Or as others have already suggested you may want to contact your local children services or welfare office. It sounds like your parents may be defrauding the state (if they are using their welfare for things other than what the money/food stamps are being designated for).
Good Luck and I will be praying for you.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well, you are 16 and shouyld be out of the house in two or three years. It sounds like your Mom may have some problems of her own to deal. Hang in there and be a good daughter, it will not be long before you are gone, and there will be times that you miss your Mom, no matter her shortcomings. Some people have to deal with alot of crap from their parents, thankfully you will be an adult soon, so live and learn.
- 1 decade ago
You need to contact your local Child Protective Services Dept. They can find the right help for you by reviewing your situation; talking to you & your siblings, speaking with your mother, viewing your living situation, possibly even asking you to speak to an psychologist, etc. You definately do not have to continue living in such an environment. Stay strong, stay patient, talk to someone, and believe in yourself. Always remember, no matter what anyone says, YOU are in charge of your future. Don't let anyone else's "problems" ruin YOUR life.
- 1 decade ago
You should try a family psychologist, they can address the issue with your parents and you at the same time, your school should be able to provide this for you try your counselor first and explain to her everything youve explained here then let her know you want help that you want family counseling not just for you but for all of you since all of you desperately need it. Since you love your mom unconditionally then you should try and change her not move out...Source(s): just my opinion
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Try talking to a pastor or someone from an outreach or clergy center. One can talk to there high school counselor or go on-line to get some advice from counselors who support teens with problems such as these. You will be 18 soon and can move out on your own or maybe move in with another family member. I wish you the best and keep the faith. It will get better and keep positive thoughts.
- Ray2playLv 51 decade ago
Yea,,,, ALL 16 year olds are stressed out, overly controlled by their parents. The verbal abuse is way out of line though. You may try a relative ( Aunt, Uncle, cousin, brother, sister )
If you are ready you could have her arrest. You would have to press charges of Violation of Welfare compensation and falsification of documents.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I believe that you should notify child proctection services. They will come into your home and do an investigation. If she is found unfit you will be removed from the home. They may try to place you with a family member (older siblings).