Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

I would be interested in a married man, if he was not married. He tells me he likes my company? What to do?

I work with a married man. We've known each other for four years. When I first met him we were instantly attracted to each other and flirty (just a couple of times only during staff parties). This week there was a party. We both tend to ignore each other, but at the end of the evening he was talking to me. My girlfriend who drove me there was going to leave, and he offered to take me home later instead. Lights go out because of a storm and we both go outside to get my stuff out of my gf's car. She leaves and we stand in front of his car in the rain and he kisses me. We were about to go inside but he decides to take me home. On the drive he tells me he really enjoys my company.

We ALL know that he and his wife don't get along. He tells everyone he's staying for his daughter. I don't ask him about the relationship. I don't even care, but I'm wondering how would I know if he really liked me? We exchanged # and he has not called, I don't care. I don't want a married man.

Update:

The question is that I really like him. Everyone in the school knows that there is an attraction between us. He talks about how much he admires me as a person, and I do the same (we're both teachers). That's why we don't talk to each other, because all the staff is always staring at us and snooping in. I don't know if they think we've slept together, we haven't.

I really like his personality and am attracted to him and he always tells me how he wishes he had met me before he met his wife.

All staff knows about his problem... But if he's married I don't want him. But I would like to know if he's really honest when he tells me he likes me. Until he's single I won't care too much, but if he was single I would jump on him.

Other teachers flirt with him all the time (especially after knowing that I liked him). He's become so popular with the female staff now, but I would like him for me.

Update 2:

Guys, let me tell you about his wife. Coworkers know her, she goes out clubbing all the time and leaves him with the daughter. She is a ***** from what I heard. He tells everyone they argue all the time. A few years ago I told him it's not worth being that miserable. But he still stays with her. I know he's having sex with her and still being affectionate with her, I mean they live together.

The kiss in the rain, it was short and i was very hesitant (pulling him away). It wasn't out of a movie. I liked the fact that he was paying attention to me, but I was also very much aware of the fact that he is a married man.

I will not call him. As a matter of fact I deleted his phone number the same evening he gave it to me. I do not want to be a home wrecker but I think it was wrecked to being with.

Everyone knows there are problems there, but who knows. People at my school knew him before he got married and didn't like her, and he looks pretty miserable.

21 Answers

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  • Zeltar
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    He obviously really likes you. And, he probably feels trapped in his marriage. It's an unfortunate reality of marriages that tension between the couple raise and subside over time. Most of the time, during high tension the couple is still strong enough not to stray. However, some marriages, the tension is so bad that love doesn't appear to exist anymore. Rather, they go through the motions because of other reasons such as a child, finances, disabilities, etc. This latter case is likely the type of man you're talking about. You could choose to pitty him and give him the love he can't get in his marriage with no expectations in return. However, this isn't a very fair thing to do to yourself, and it's pretty ugly to imagine being the "other woman". You could, and probably better for all if you do, ignore him and date other people as if nothing between you exists. If he eventually divorces his wife and at that time you're still interested and available, then you can act on the chemistry between the two of you.

    These are emotional choices for all involved. Nobody get give you a better answer than you can give yourself. You're the one living the life. We only sit on the sidelines and give 3rd party judgements or experience.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are right . . . Do NOT get involved with a married man. Doesn't matter that he says the marriage is lousy, he's still in it and you should honor it, even if he won't. Keep your integrity intact, and you'll have no regrets.

    The problem with married men is that they make promises that they'll leave and never do. On the other hand, if he does leave his wife for you, next thing you know, YOU will be the wife he's cheating on.

    There are plenty of terrific guys out there that you don't need to be wasting your time on a married man . . . you deserve better!

  • 1 decade ago

    Run! They always say they have lousy marriages and make out like they're being saints staying for the kids or some other self-sacrificing reason, but who knows the truth? Most times the wife is home thinking things are great and planning the next baby. Don't think he's going to leave her, and don't believe they have a lousy marriage. And if you got him, all you'd be getting is a guy who will marry you and then cheat behind your back, since he's already shown his stripes. He wants a little fun on the side, and isn't thinking about the consequences, for you, for him, or for his family. Stay away from him. You're leading him on by flirting and letting him be alone with you.

  • Alex
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    STOP now. Don't go any further. You are on the relationship road to no-where. Don't waste your time on an unavailable man. You already know that, but just can't resist?

    Best case scenerio, you say no way, and find a nice single guy.

    Worst case scnerio, he strings you along for years and burns up your youth (I have known women this has happened to)

    or

    He leaves his wife and his children and the ex blames you (she'll be right, of course. Then you have to live with the guilt and the cheater! If he cheats on one, he'll cheat on another.

    Being with a married person is a lose/lose situation.

    Get on one of the personals sites tonight and find someone who is single.

    Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You don't want a married man, but you've flirted with him and let him kiss you? You accepted a ride from him. You exchanged numbers with him?

    For someone who doesn't want a married man, you sure are leading him on!

    He's married to a women he doesn't really like? Tough. He can divorce her if he wanted. Millions of people do that even if they do have kids. That's a cop out. He probably does "really like" you. It doesn't sound like you put pressure on him or grip at him. He probably has had his fill with his nasty wife, so anyone that shows him attention in a good way is comforting to him. Alas, he is married and you had better tell him you're not interested before you accidentally have sex with someone "you don't want"

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Let me so honest that I hope you listen.

    A married man is very difficult to understand and his true feelings about his wife will stay hidden from you. If he's attracted to you it's because you bring out the best in him . He does enjoy your company and wants so much to be happy. But what you don't see is his feelings for his wife. He fell in love with her, proposed to her and they got married. This love is so strong it's deep within him, but they have problems. All marriages do and all marriages will . He's testing himself if he hasn't already cheated on her emotionally and physically.

    His responsibility is at home and the people who expect him to the man, the father, the husband. If he intends to leave her, then let him do it with the respect and understanding of his wife. We don't know how much she loves him & needs him.

    Make his life easier by not swaying from facing his family. We all have family what would we tell them.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you don't care or want a married man, why are you gonna try to ruin someone elses life? Did you even think about the mother and her kids? Just cause you want a cock in your hole doesn't mean you gotta go and screw up someone elses life and the life of their children. Man I'm glad my parents stayed together I hate people like you. Stop being so greedy think about others. There's plenty of single guys, and for a girl it is NOTHING to pick a guy up, any guy will talk to you, unless you aren't one bit confident or an ugly duck.

  • 1 decade ago

    This man is just a waste of your time! Once a cheater, then 99.99% of the time, they'll always be a cheater. Romantic kisses in the rain are great, but he's still married. It doesn't matter why he says he's staying either. If he were truly unhappy, then he wouldn't be with this woman. Just leave him alone.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ignore him and don't get wrapped up in him. Cheating married guys always say their relationship is unfulfilling (it's part of the con). How else are they going to convince you to hook up with them while they're married? Forget about him and find a single guy that treats you right.

  • 1 decade ago

    It kind of sounds like you answered your own question.

    #1 he doesnt like you, he just wants to get in your pants

    #2 he is married. Even if everyone knows the relationship is not that great, that is between him and his wife, marriages are not easy.

    #3 Karma, what goes around comes around.

    #4 I'll bet his wife doesnt even know there is a problem.

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