how to cope with jealously?

Ok so ive been dating this girl for about a month now, she has been broken up with her ex for about 3 months, they dated for 3 years, i told her no rush into a relationship so i told her to tell me when shes rdy and she did. ok now my problem, she says she likes me a lot and trusts me and she isnt the scandles kinda girl, very very goodie goodie, but ive been cheated on 2 times in my time, oh im 20 by the way and so is she. she has only had 3 b/fs her entire life including me and tonight she is going to watch a movie with her very first b/f, she told me and said she'll talk to me at midnight, she will only be there for like a hour 1 1/2. im going crazy but she doesnt know it, i kinda hacked her myspace password and logged in and she says all this nice stuff about me to her friends on how nice i am and such. also doesnt that seem weird to hang out with a ex b/f? she only dated him like 3 months in high school i know its bad that i got her pass but i dont want a repeat. i do feel bad :(

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This will take a while... Here it goes:

    There are only four reasons why jealousy develops:

    1) You do not trust her. If this is the case there is nothing much you can do but tell her outright. If this leads to break-up so be it. Why would you want to be with someone you can't trust.

    2)You are a cheater and you project those feeling to your partner. If that is the case then you have to realize that not everyone is like you (and get help) (hacking into someones' privacy is WRONG) You'll NEVER get over the jealousy if you can't commit.

    3)You are insecure. When we doubt that we are 'good enough' to hold someone by our side we tend to look suspiciously on everyone. If your partner is with you and there is enough communication and trust that is all the proof you need that you are the best for them and shouldn't worry. You choose to be with someone, you aren't forced, so if she's with you it is because she loves you.

    4)She has actually found someone better for her. This is the worst, but if you really love her you want what's best for her and if you don't you'll make your life Hell for everyone inolved. Personaly I think it is better to let them go and realize the grass only looks greener on the other side. So if she is not the best for you why prolong the misery.

    So jealousy is an emotional reaction that has little practical use other that being a symptom of a bigger problem. The jealousy is not the issue 'why' you are jealous is what you need to think about. By the way if she told you she is going to an ex's house it probably means it is not important, be weary when she goes and she doesn't tell you. Demonstrate that you are secure enough to let her go because you trust her.

    So three (four) words: TRUST, COMMUNICATION, LOVE & HONESTY

    There, I told you it would take a while.

  • 1 decade ago

    I can understand why you feel the way you do. I would say that if she hasn't given you any reason to believe she's cheated on you, then you shouldn't be hacking her password, but the fact is that she is giving you a reason to believe that. She's on a date with her ex-boyfriend for chrissake! You allow that? If you did the same thing with her, wouldn't she call that a date? Then why is she doing the same thing with her ex? That is soooo disrespectful. For the record, my girlfriend agrees with me (and we're in our mid-20's, so at least a little bit more experienced).

  • 1 decade ago

    TALK to her, tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't care enough to make you feel better about the situation in the future then shes not worth it. Trust me I've been there and made the mistake of trusting someone too much and i got screwed over. Don't make the same mistake I did

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    if you want a fats solution alcahol it works like it works like boom and just tell her you dont feel comfortable her going to see a movie with her ex but that will cause problems cuase she will be like ugh i trust you why dont you trust me bla bla this bla bla that trust me it happened to me b4 and dont tell her you hacked her myspace it will be the thing i sed b4 this all over again and if you are that jealous look 4 hickies and stuff like that and tell her ex that you dont feel rite about her seeing him and bla bla this bla bla that and if he tells your gf deny it cuz if you dont itll b the fightin all over again and if she says well he told me that you told him that then be like you believe him more than you believe me?!?! and then ya

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    there are alot of suggestions to tackle this problem but somehow i felt the main solution is to think of the opposite of jealously and that is TRUST. it is something that doesn't come nauturally but have to learn to trust her. if you are christian or catholic, pray for strength to do so.

    BUT most of all, she must be worthy of your trust. for eg if you know she like to flirt around then you need to consider if she will change for better. god bless.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ok first, if she's officially your girlfriend right now WTF is she going to the movies with her ex? This is where you have to declare your boundaries and tell her this is not acceptable.

    Ok second, WTF are you hacking into her MySpace??

    It's called MySpace for a reason, it's HER space, not jealous nosy creepy new boyfriend's space. QUIT doing that!

  • 1 decade ago

    NOT SURE YOUR GONNA LIKE THIS ANS.. IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS USING YOU AS A REBOUND GUY.. PLEASE DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS YOUNG LADY UNTIL SHE IS WILLING TO CUT HIM A LOOSE.. YOU HAVE BEEN HURT BEFORE, AND THE JEALOUSY YOU ARE FEELING IS NORMAL UNDER THE CONDITIONS.. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THRU THIS... EITHER SHE DOES OR EITHER SHE DOESN'T.. SHE NEEDS TO MAKE A CHOICE AND IT IS HERS TO MAKE, NOT YOURS. BUT YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.. EVEN IF IT MEANS SAYING, GOOD-BYE... REMEMBER... ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR.. ...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    it always starts with spying on the myspace...then following behind her after school...next thing you know..

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