Parent's are seperated, living in seperate homes, daughter has a birthday, card stays at dad's house?

Got a question about the appropriateness of father telling 10 yr old daughter that she can't take her birthday card with her to her mother's house who has physical custody (father has weekends), and that he wants that card to stay at his house so that his parent's (daughter's grandparent's) can see it displayed at his dad's house during the time when they visit.... Also, daughter isn't allowed to take the "dollar bills" which amount to 10 one dollar bills with her either...

Anyone think this appropriate, or inappropriate. Daughter is sad about this on her birthday since she wasn't add it to her collection that is her pride and joy.

16 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    that is a terrible thing for the father to do. it's like the guy did it just so his parents could see what a good father he is being and not because it's the child's birthday. once you give someone a card, it's theirs. if my father would have done something like that to me when i was young i would have told him that i didn't want it then.

  • 1 decade ago

    Did he make the card? Is he like a modern day Picasso or something? He sounds a bit controlling. From every etiquette article I've ever read, a gift is a gift to do with as the recipient pleases. If she wants to take the card and money home with her, she should be allowed to do that. The only possible exception I can see is if he planned to take her out shopping with the birthday money over the weekend, but $10 doesn't really add up to much of a spree.

    Just tossing out a thought here, but my guess is that his actions aren't really about the card and the money.

  • 1 decade ago

    Give her Dad a break. When her birthday is over and all her cards are packed away I am sure she will have forgotten all about it. In a few weeks time her Dad will probably have no more use for it so she can then add it to her collection. It aint such a big deal really. If you demand the card - you WILL NOT be showing your daughter a very adult way of dealing with this. Just be her Mum - not a snitchy Mum getting caught up in all this.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's tough on the kids, but instead of making an issue (not that you are) out of it. Try explaining that dad wants grandparents to see it first or that it's a special card that would look nice at dad's house for a while.

    It's tough for all parties involved, you just want the best for your daughter. I think that there are bigger issues for you to fight for so just let this one go. If you can (and u probably already have) try and talk to the dad about your daughters feelings try to only stick to her feeling not yours or his.

    I don't think the money should stay at dads this is your daughters and she should be able to do with it as she likes.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sad part of all this is that when parents divorce they forget the kids are having the hardest time. While I understand the Dad wanting to have a piece of his daughters birthday with him all the time if she wants to take her gifts, cards, money with her then he needs to let his own feelings aside and do what is best for his daughter.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have a 6 year old girl who goes to her father's house every weekend. We have both set aside "our" feelings. If our daughter wants to take HER belongings with her, then so be it. The father really needs to worry about your child's feelings and not his own. It's her birthday, her money, her card, her gifts. She can do what she wants with them. PERIOD. If he doesn't like it and this becomes a problem with things on a regular basis you may consider mediation through the courts and ammend your custody order to include your child's personal property and how will be distributed on a regular basis.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am a part time dad. Anything my daughter wants to take back to her mother's place she most certainly can. It is HER card, not dad's. Of course it is ideal if the mother reciprocates such acts (mine does not) but that is not my daughter's problem, and by not letting her take things to her mother's, it would be made her problem. Bottom line? Not letting her take the card is simply wrong

  • 1 decade ago

    Men get that way sometimes. My daughter father did the same thing to her for Christmas but she got over it. Talk to her about it and just explain she will understand. He is the one one that will feel like a fool.

  • 1 decade ago

    OKAY...................................................... I think wanting to keep expensive items such as clothes and stereos and such in one place is reasonable, but $10.00 and a BIRTHDAY CARD?

    HHHMMMMMM if this continues, your daughter will soon not want to bother with her father at all, and I am talking from experience, cuz two of mine would rather not even VISIT with their father anymore after all his crazy pranks. I must say though that this one really takes the cake!

    He is only hurting himself in the long run! Let him keep his card and his money!

  • 1 decade ago

    girl i have the same problem you sure this aint my daughter unfortunately if he thinks he right who are we to say otherwise. just reassure your daughter not to get attached to the things daddy get her. they dont realize the pain they afflict by doing this my daughter talks about clothes, toys, she even has a dog the grandparents got but it cant come home. so i see where he got this sick crap from. the apple didnt fall far from the apple.. you thought you was alone uh...

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