need relationship advice. i need jerry springer's help on this one?

i have an issue and need some advice very bad. my best friend and his girl friend have been together for a long time and have a kid together, but now she wants to be with me. i just got divorced and want to be with her too. so i need advice if it is worth loosing a very good friend through the whole deal. all they do is argue and they dont really want each other but i think it will cause problems between all three of us. things have strated to get serious between me and her and i am confused. please help if you can

Update:

they are only together because of the kid. he is about two. there has been no cheating between us but pretty close, nothing sexual

Update 2:

no my divorce was nothing like this, we just grew apart after five years of being together, married for little over a year.

21 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Always pick your buddies over the girls. Relationships come & go like the tide, but friendships last forever.

    You don't know exactly what is going through her mind. She may just want out of the relationship & you are a convenient excuse. It could be that the two of you would break up a few months or years later. You are also in a rebound situation. You just divorced & you are lonely & vulnerable. It's entirely likely that you would end up resenting her if it costs you your friendship.

    It doesn't matter whether or not they are fighting constantly or if they are getting along like bread & butter. They are in a relationship right now. If you really want her & if your feelings for each other are true then you can stand to wait until the relationship is over. Don't hound their relationship like a vulture, but take a step back & be a friend to both of them.

    You may want to let your friend know that his girl has been hitting on you. You never know if she has done this sort of thing before. Who knows, your boy may even decide to step out & let this thing between the two of you take it's course. In any case, you don't want to steal a friend's woman, no matter what the circumstances. That sort of thing tends to get around & before you know it you have no friends & the ones you still have don't want to hang out with you as much.

    EDIT:

    In the end you are going to do as you want, but I really recommend not doing anything with this girl. I repeat: you are her excuse. You are the closest guy she has & since you are familiar she probably is only infatuated with the idea of being with someone else. I can't tell you how many girls fall for someone in order to get out of a relationship (bad or good). It's not like they do it on purpose, but more subconciously. The relationships never last, since in a way that relationship is tainted by the thought of their last one.

    Since they have a kid together they will always be in touch. I also doubt that they are only staying together for the kid. If she is the one telling you this, then I'd take that with a grain of salt. I've had someone tell me that, only to find out that they were feeding me a line. Seriously dude, talk to your bro about this. Don't ruin a friendship over a girl. You will forever be suspicious of whatever guys she is close to because you know that she was comfortable approaching her man's best friend romantically. Sure, they were having trouble, but what about when the two of you were to have a fight?

    If she really wants to be with you she will leave him. If she doesn't, then it's not meant to be.

    I almost had a fling with a friend's guy. She never "officially" found out, but I ended up losing a friend & a lot of respect from my peers. The guy never left his SO like he said he would & I was out a really good friend as well as a man. It was almost the exact same situation to a T. They had a kid, he said that they were only staying together for the baby. They fought all the time & never got along. Strangely enough, they were still together 3 years later. You can argue that since the person you want is a woman it is different, but there is no difference. Women can be players too.

    This is how it's going to play out. Their relationship ends either because she leaves him or because your buddy finds out. You lose a friend (definately if it is the second one). The girl looks more innocent because she is a woman & "women just don't cheat-they are always seduced away by another man". You look like the villain in this scenario because you are his friend--you were supposed to watch his back. After a while the two of you break it off b/c you can't trust her and/or the situation between her & the ex gets too heated over the kid.

    Actually having someone & longing for forbidden fruit is not the same thing. You want her, but you don't have her. She may look like a tempting apple & you are all for some apple pie, but how do you know that when you take a bite that she isn't actually a lemon? You will quickly find that what the two of you have for each other is more lust than love.

  • Fixguy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It's going to suck no matter what you do. You already messed up the friendship you just don’t realize it yet. Now it seems like you're almost asking if it’s ok to move on your best friends woman? Was your divorce over a similar situation?

    Can you ever see you two together forever with his child?

    Will he hit the roof and end up in jail?

    It don’t help matters when your there as a distraction for her.

    If all you want to hear is that everything is going to be fine between you three, you've come to the wrong place.

    I don't know what Jerry would say but this is real life and not T.V. drama.

    You have some thinking to do. Good luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You just got divorced man! Come on. I understand its very possible to fall in love with someone right after coming out of a marriage... but most of those dont last. You and girl needa sit down and discuss. If you guys want a long term future together, she needs to leave him and recover from the break up of her long term relationship with him before moving on to you. And you need to do the same. Take some time! If its meant to be it will be. But right now your heading for a very very messy situation. And i dont know how old this kid is, but if you wind up being together with his mommy you might not want to be viewed as 'the guy who made my daddy go away!'

    And if things have already gotten serious... hmm cheating anyone? You might wanna think about it... if she cheats on this guy she's been with forever... who she has a kid with, would she do the same thing to you a few years down the road? Will you be able to trust her knowing that her eyes have wandered to other guys *you in this situation*

    Take 5, get away from her, breathe and think. Now repeat for the next week and then decide

  • 1 decade ago

    Ok this is some jerry springer ****...well you can go two ways...you can be wit her and probably loose your friend...and it makes it worse if you already have a relationship wit her when she is still wit your friend! In so many levels this is wrong...but then again if you really think she is the one then you wont care to loose your friendship. so you need to figure out which relationship you value more. And what kind of a girl would do that to their boyfriend to seek a relationship wit his best friend...you never know she might do the same to you and one of your friends...i dont know if you want to always be on look out when she's around your friends.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, that really depends, put yourself in his shoes for a second.

    Now your friend obviously loves this girl because they had a child together, that love doesn't die too easily. You being his friend, *I'll assume for a while now* he trusts... now you have to seriously sit down and ask yourself, will this girl be the one you marry, because that's the only way I can see risking a friendship... and frankly, the odds don't look too good in anyone's corner in your triangle...

    I think you need to leave her alone. There are plenty of other women out there and messing with your friend's baby mama... regardless of how much they argue... isn't gonna cut it. Because when it boils down to it... you gotta be faced with the hard fact that at anytime... she could choose to go back to him and not give a second thought about you.

  • 1 decade ago

    This girl is just trouble. Abandon that thought right now. Cause your friend is more important. Dames are a dime a dozen, but a good friend is really worth keeping around. Plenty of fish in the sea. Also, think about the kid too, not just yourself

  • 1 decade ago

    I also had a friend who was in this type of sutuation. She dated her ex boyfriends (who she still talked to and saw everyday) best friend and it went wrong. The best friend ended up leaving her for his friendship. In the end it was all fine because the three of them still all talk. So i would really think it through is she someone you would give up your best friend for? Cuz if things dont go as planned you could lose them both as friends. Good luck with everything!

  • 1 decade ago

    sorry to hear bout the divorce but how long have you been messing with her...and the only real way to find out if its worth it is to be with her...why do they stay together if all they do is argue...its got to be a reason that they havent left each other...even if its just for the kid...if thats the case ask her and your friend...if they dont workout then maybe he wont mind...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    whose to say you and this woman would work out. your friend has been there. i wouldnt want to ruin a friendship. good friends are hard to come by these days. stop thinking with the head in between your legs and start thinking with your heart. you can either create the drama or stop it. which one will it be? i say keep the friend!

  • ive been there man, my best friend had an ex that was interested in me, and i her. however he still had feelings for her so i didnt pursue. even though are relationship has ended because he actually went and did the very thing by stealing my girl. if i had the oportunity to go back and be able to change that decision i wouldnt, its stupid to end a relationship over a girl, but regardless it will end because your friend wont want to be around his ex and around you because you took her from him (even though their relationship is ending and he realizes that, he will still want to blame someone).

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