Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

husband not wanting sex?

i lost my job 4 months ago still havent found one my husband is struggling to take care of me and our 2 kids with his little paycheck and says he is stressed out thats why he doesent want to have sex he tells me there are more important things then me wanting sex everynight like figuring out how we are going to get our bills paid am i being selfish i mean its been like a month since we have had sex?

47 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Depression will have that effect. work with him and support him. things will change

  • K K
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It seems there is a lot going on here, and your husband may be withholding sex as a power play. I think you two need to have a serious talk about what is going on in your marriage, and what need to be done to repair it I don't know what kind of work you do, but 4 months seems to be a pretty long time to be out of work. The economy is pretty good right now, and there should be jobs available. I would ask why did you lose your job, how hard you been looking for a job, why can't you get temporary work while you are looking, is there anything you can do to take some of the pressure off your husband. I am not trying to put all the blame on you , but sometimes it is good to look at our self first,

  • Sully
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    This is a weird one.

    Sex is one of mens 5 basic needs, Do you know the other 4? you may be overindulgine one of his needs, but ignoring the rest. This is NOT a good thing. We men do need a bit more in a relationship then just sex.

    AS for the sex, Work on QUALITY, VS the QUANTITY

    It might help his Sex drive if you find a way to reduce his stress.

    give him a massage =) with a fun ending.

    let him have some quiet time alone for 2 to 3 hours.

    see if you can start a home based business that can replace your income within 12 to 18 Months. Pleanty of them out there. and if you read R Kyosocki's Book Business School it can help you decide what direction to take.

    God Bless

    Source(s): The 5 Love Languages, Chapman His Needs, HEr needs, Harley Jr. Woman power, By Dr. Schleshlinger 101 romantic nights check it out. =)
  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    You don't need it to feel closer to him; he *does* need it to feel closer to you. You *cannot* use introspection to understand other people - especially not someone of the opposite sex. Nothing you said was related to a tangible physical problem. e.g. "I'm sore baby and I need a break." If you did say or are thinking that, then how would you feel if he retorted "That's just an excuse to have less sex" - because that is your uncaring attitude towards him. You are making your mental aversion into a physical problem. It literally means you don't love you husband. Did you ever? If you did, why don't you now? Do something about that and once-a-day is a very reasonable compromise. Also, if you are doing "1 & done" then *that* is why he's up for so much. Empty him - keep going until he begs you to stop. Why does your >husband< need an excuse to /get/ sex from you? That entirely mentality needs to change or this won't last.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm sure he's just stressed out. However, sex is a great stress reliever. If he's not currently in the mood, it's probably because he feels overwhelmed and a lot of pressure to be the breadwinner of the family. For the time being, start looking for a job, try to be supportive and help him in any way you can. I can understand how hectic life can become for anyone when money becomes tight. I'm sure he's so concerned with paying the bills that he can't see passed it. Let him see your support so that you become part of the solution and this way you're more active in helping him. You can be supportive by clipping coupons, conserving energy in the home, reminding the kids to turn off the lights as soon as they leave a room (you can teach them ways to conserve items in the home), buy generic brands for certain household products etc...Again let him see all this in progress. He will feel a little mental relief knowing that you're helping him.

    Also, while looking for a job, let him know you're looking for one and that you're there for him in any way he needs it. If after all of your support he still acts this way, then both of you really need to have a heart-to-heart chat about what your love life has come to..and tell him how you feel open and honestly. A healthy/happy marriage includes sex...and who knows it may be just what he needs to relieve the stress.

    It can also be that he just needs to get in the mood. If he has a day off, you can plan a day of relaxion and romance for the two of you. You can fix is favorite dishes, give him a sensual massage to relieve stress and get him in the mood. At night, light candles and set the mood for romance.

    Good luck with everything!

  • Everyone is different when it comes to dealing with life and sex! I know when I am stressed I am not interested in having sex but if my husband is understanding and loving I can get in the mood! So maybe if you try and not pressure him for sex and try and help him in different ways he'll see this and it will make it easier on him! And maybe try and find another job, obviously he is worried and not handling it well you being out of work! I always found when I'm doing something that doesn't work, try something else, don't continue to do something that is causing problems it will only make it worse! Good luck hun!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    tiffany, i know not wanting sex cominf from the mans end of the spectrum sounds a bit strange but your husband is struggling to take care of his family. that can hurt a mans ego. he is stressed and stress can make the body go through some crazy things. it doesnt sound unusual for him to be that way under the circumstances you are in right now. a month may seem like a long time for you, but it really isnt when your stressed out. just hang in there and he should come around after while. please dont use this as an excuse to go out and cheat. it will not resolve anything. but give him some time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hes providing and stressing and your doing what?? on the computer talking here instead of getting out there like a full time job looking for a job. Help your husband. trust me, the longer he feels that he is doing 'everything' the more sex he wont want. You need to help him out....be patient and understand him. Sure tell him you want a stuffing, but as a man, he is feeling the pressure, he provides at work, to kids, to you and to the bills.....maybe he needs to have someone help him with his big work load so he can relax and get the groove on again....

  • 1 decade ago

    The added pressure to support you and your family by himself is probably just weighing him down heavily. He's lost his desire because he's too worried about how he's doing to take care of you all and make sure everything is okay.

    No, I don't think you're being selfish. But I do think that you should understand why he's stressing. Keep looking for a job, and make sure you show him that you're looking... Follow up on all applications, call back, apply for anything possible.

  • 1 decade ago

    Stress can cause a man's sex drive to go down big time. I know from personal expirience, it's happened to me. I was working alot of hours at my job and was in a stressful position, and it took it's toll in the bedroom, and on my sex drive. I don't think that your being selfish, but I think he also needs to realize that yes, the bills are important, but the intimacy in your marriage needs to have more importance than the bills.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He is being honest. Most men can not have sex when they are under too much stress. Don't push him and try really hard to help him support the family. It basically takes two to support families these days. But things will get better when you start taking some of the pressure off his shoulders. I am not blaming you just I have been through the same thing with my husband... I hope for the best for you all..

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.