sex or rape?

ok so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months, and he thinks that me and him are emotionally ready for sex. i mean i think i love him, and i think that im NOT ready for sex yet. he is making all these plans for us to have sex on his birthday [july 6th.]

and i mean i want to be with him, but im not ready for sex. and if i tell him im afraid he might rape me. becuz his two brothers told me that his last 2 girlfriends left him for attempting to rape them becuz they wouldnt have sex with him.

im so scared right now.

so it comes down to....i break up with him and he rapes me.

or i have sex with him and i stay with him.

help me out?


oh and to all those who are asking im 15.

63 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    just tell him over the phone that you not ready and make sure your in a safe place and around alot of people you feel protected by

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to assert that you're not ready for sex. And if he even tries to force himself on you tell your parents and the police. If in fact, his last two girlfriends did leave him for attempted rape (which is a crime by the way) it's only a matter of time before this guy is actually successful. He should not be making these plans if YOU are not ready. It's your body. And this is most likely a relationship not worth staying in. It's cliche, but true.... Your self-worth and sanity have a very high price and getting raped or even an attempt could dampen them. Don't put yourself in that position. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Get rid of him. You are dating a rapist. What makes you think he will not do the same thing to you. If you do not consent to sex, it is called rape. You are obviously not ready for sex. You need to have this talk with your parents and them answer any questions you might have. Put it this way: Would you rather play it safe and talk to your parental units or would you rather end up a rape statistic? Sex is a beautiful thing when done properly, especially if it will be your first time. Either way, you will need to leave him and if necessary, have your parents put a restraining order on him. Just because you are dating him and you think you love him doesn't mean that you owe him sex. You owe him nothing but your love and your friendship.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, I think that you should bring up the subject at a time when you feel safe. Perhaps over the phone as suggested, but I know that probably won't work on his B-day, because you will most likely be celebrating with him. I would certainly be concerned if his own brothers told you about his past violence. And would you really want to be with someone like that in the first place? If you 're not ready for sex, then you should not. Especially not as a "gift" to him. Make it when you're ready, with someone that your safety is not in question.

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  • 1 decade ago

    OK def don't have sex. You've said you're not ready. I agree. Do not be alone with him anymore. You need to tell your Mom and Dad or whoever you live with. Believe it or not us middle aged parents do have a little experience.

    These people are trying to intimidate you. If they're being honest, you are not safe. At best, he's a creep who is rushing you. You are precious and should not feel forced to give up a part of your self. Of course, you SHOULD be married but at the very least you should be in love and ready and be someone's everything.

    Please talk to an adult that you can trust. You are being bullied. You may email me at anytime. I will be saying a prayer of protection as soon as I finish typing this.

    Source(s): mom to 4 daughters ages 13, 16, 18 & 20
  • Wow you're only 15. You shouldn't even consider having sex at that age. That's waaay too young! Is he the same age as you? If he's older, of course he would want to have sex with you. But you shouldn't really be dating someone that old anyways.

    But if he's the same age as you, his hormones are probably just talking. Once you guys do it, he'd want to do it more . You should dump him. If he attempted to rape his previous girlfriends, thats a real HUGE red flag. Im surprised you didn't break up with him once you found out.Those 2 ex-girlfriends of his are a warning to you to do the same.

  • 1 decade ago

    You should never have sex when you are not emotional ready. You should never have sex just to keep a boyfriend. You are young and you will find someone that can respect you for saying no to something you are not ready for. If you are scared that he will rape you, you should break up with him and talk to your parents. I'm sure they will help you take the steps necessary to protect yourself from him. Just remember that no means no period!!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    well I think you should tell him your not ready yet or you need to be put on birth control and that will taake a while to happen which buys you time and if he trys to rape you break up with him and never talk to him again if he does rape you please make sure you tell someone so he wont get away with this with another girl good luck and remember if your not ready then dont do it btw Im 14 about to be 15 and so not ready for sex still a virgin and will be til Im ready =]

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You can't let him force you into having sex with him. Even if he is a boyfriend you've had for awhile and have feelings for him, it's not fair to you to have to give into his demands and plans.

    If you don't feel you're ready, you should not have to do it, regardless of what boyfriend wants. Even if he doesn't actually attack you and violate you, it is still sexual assault when you emotionally force someone into something like that.

    This guy is your bf so you have a desire to please him, but don't do anything you don't to do. And if this guy is the type to be planning and marking in his mental calendar when he plans to have sex with you, this guy isn't someone who is worth keeping.

    What is he going to do, rape you in public? He can't take you into a dark alley and just rape you. Tell him that you're not going to do it, and if he tries anything, well he'll be behind bars. He has to be told no eventually.

  • 1 decade ago

    My advice is this...

    Remember being selfish isn't a crime. In this situation its about you. If your desicion is made then just tell him. Express that you love him and you want your relationship to prosper,BUT without sex(possibly over a instant messenger or phone in case he decides to be difficult). If he cant take that then he's not ready for a real relationship anyway.

    You might also want to tell him what his brothers said, and how it disturbed you because im sure you wouldn't have chosen to be in a relationship with a "rapist".

    wish the best of luck for you :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Point number 1. Nobody, repeat nobody has the right to force themselves on any other person. If you don't want to have sex with your boyfriend, and he pushes you. Then he is not your boyfriend. If you tell him no, and he forces you, that is rape. You should report him. He should go to jail.

    Now, point number 2 is how to avoid the situation. Don't you have to wash your hair that night? Didn't dad ground you for a month and 30 days? Don't you have to visit your grandmother who lives 7,539 miles away? Stay away from him. He's bad news.

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