What should I do? My husband left me...?

I've been in a stressful realationship for the past three years (married for 2). I'm only 22 years old. My husband and I get along great when we aren't fighting, but when we do he threatens to leave me, calls me names and seems completely apethetic about my feelings. I am adopted and his constant threats of leaving are pushing me over the edge emotionally. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore and like I'm crazy. He claims that he loves me and wants to stay with me one minute and the next acts completely cold and distant. I've been to therapy for my attachment issues, but his hurtful words keep destroying any progress I've made. When we first got together, I felt that I had value as a person and now I feel worthless and I can't bring myself to trust anyone. There's more to the story than this, of course, but long story short, he left me tonight. He didn't say when he'd be back, and I'm devistated bc I've tried everything. I'm almost through my college degree...

18 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    First off, you HAVE value. Never ever ever forget that. Sometimes marriages don't work, it's not the "fault" of either party they just don't work. Get the divorce, and then celebrate. Pursue your college degree and put yourself first for a change. When you are a little older you will find someone who is perfect for you. And please remember, that sometimes life doesn't give you what you want, but you do get what you need. Good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    Sometimes you dont realize how much you love someone until they stopped loving you.

    but it is more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return

    you feel that you and your lover are drifting apart

    Your life stops. you are devastated, and in many ways there is a feeling of hopelessness. Most of all, you are feeling life will never be the same.

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  • 1 decade ago

    For the record, I'm having marital issues myself, so take this for what it is, my opinion.

    Your husband is trying to control you and your emotions. Don't let him. I'm not going to tell you to split or stay together, you both will have to decide on that. If it doesn't work out, finish school become a good person and do positive things in your life.

    I always wanted my daughter be able to stand on her own first and not rely on a man to make it in this world. This builds character, with that, you can accomplish anything.

    You were young when you started this relationship (same with me, I was 18). To me, it seems that you have matured personally faster than he has. His demeanor is not becoming of what a man really should be, but that's life.

    I'll tell you what my counselor told me: "Life is s#it sometimes and the world can be a s#itty place. Tell 'em you deserve to be here and you deserve to be happy...and then go do exactly that". Keep up the therapy, having a non-biased person to talk to does help.

    I wish you the best.

    Source(s): Me
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dear girl, your selfish husbands threatening is to make himself feel powerful while making you feel weak and needy. You don't need that. I have been in a bad marriage and there is only one thing worse and that is staying in a bad marriage. You are 22 not 62, your life is in front of you. Dump this idiot start living for yourself. Marriage needs to be worked on, not drain you from every last drop of self respect you have. Marriage is not supposed to be a death sentence Believe me when I say as hard as it seems to walk away within in weeks you will realise you not only did the right thing but why the hell didn't you do it sooner!!! Anyone that tells you different that you should forgive him, allow his behaviour, gives excuses, or tell you" well you decided to get married so young" should keep their stupid comments to themselves as they don't have YOUR best interest at heart. This is about yourself and your future and you inner happiness. You havent' got it with this jerk. Kick him and his sorry **** out the door and tell him to watch it doesn't hit him on the way out!!!!!!!!!

    Also just so you know you can trust what I say I was 17 married at 19 to a physical and mental abuser.The longer I was with him the more useless I felt and the more I thought I deserved nothing better. I nearly lost my life to his hands.I left at 25 (way to long!) I have never looked back and went on to love myself and what I could offer to people. I am now married with 2 beautiful boys and not once has my husband let me down,swear at me,nothing! He tells me daily how much he loves me. Wouldn't you rather that???

    Beautiful girl- a happy life awaits you, take those steps.

    Happy to hear from you and hope you can find strength to do this!!!!!

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  • atiana
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    you're going to be okay. you are stronger than you think you are.

    it sounds like he's doing you more harm than good. he has you feeling so down on yourself, and you shouldn't be. he's playing games with your feelings and emotions whether he knows it or not. and all in all, he's making you doubt your self worth.

    well, don't do that! you're a wonderful person, and you know who you are, and you're not crazy! he's just hurting you and tearing you down emotionally.

    you will work through your attachment issues with or without him. we both know that he shouldn't be doing this to you.

    you have your whole future ahead of you. and it sounds like you have a lot going for yourself. you've accomplished a lot, and you've done it without your husband. your husband didn't get you through all your college work and on your way to a degree! see sweetheart, you can accomplish so much more than you thought you could. be proud of what you've done.

    as far as your husband goes, he will probably be back sometime tonight or in the morning. and you need to get some things straight with him. you cannot let him play games with you. he needs to get his priorities straight and start behaving like a man. and men don't run out on their wives!

    so the nonsense has to stop. if he's not willing to make some major changes, then you don't need him in your life.

    I will certainly keep you in my prayers.

  • 1 decade ago

    is he bipolar by any chance...

    i say that things are just difficult rite now and maybe he needs some time to think and clear his mind..every1 gets stressed out.

    the best thing 2 do is stay strong and if he really is gone just remember that you are almost through your college degree and u will b successful and that u did it all on your own. u r young and u should do everything that makes u happy and not feel sad . u can do it!!! good luck..and when all else fails, ice cream!! lol

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Good for you for being so aware of your concerns.

    You're quite articulate.

    Ultimately it's your decision..

    But i would encourage you to (with your counsellor) explore how your husband's distance and threatening may relate to your feelings of loss regarding adoption. How did you find out you were adopted? Was it handled well by your parents in your opinion?

    Often our feelings of unresolved loss and grief are manifested in who we choose for a life partner.

    Reality at this point is that your husband is being unfaithful to the marriage. That is HIS choice.

    I would focus on what you need most right now (self care).

    Hope this helps!

    Source(s): M.A. Counseling Psyc.
  • 1 decade ago

    I never read the rest of this as soon as I read " he threatens to leave me, calls me names and seems completely apethetic about my feelings". Seriously, why did you marry such a horrible person? You should be the bigger person and leave his stupid behind. Find someone that treats you better.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow! you r really going thru it! first off God be with you. i would say maybe you need a huge break from this wole relationship.I know its hard when u love someone to let go -but he does not have your best interest at heart.while hes gone use this time to focus on you! pray,relax,get together with friends,read some self help books,journal your feelings,do somethings you enjoy.also dont let his cbvious issues destroy your self worth -he needs to own his own behavior and choicesBest wishes

  • 1 decade ago

    Your husband claims he loves you, but he's abusing you emotionally. To me that's not love. Have you mentioned getting marriage counseling to him? If he's not willing to work on your marriage, and hurtful name-calling, you should finish up your college degree and move on with your life--without him. I think it's better to be happy and alone than with someone who brings you down. Best of luck.

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