Did he cheat?Should I leave?

about a year ago my husband was about to deploy to Iraq and he started acting strange. I assumed it was the stress from the upcoming deployment. He left me a few nights a week saying he just needed to get away for a while. Again I assumed this was due to the deployment...After he deployed I got his cell phone and a woman called and left a message saying she loved him and would miss him. I tracked down the woman and she was an ex girlfriend of his who claimed they'd been together again for a few months. I didn't believe her until the cell phone invoice came and i saw he had called her number multiple times a day.

When I confronted him about it, he denied it and his excuse was pretty good. Now one year later, his best friend is telling me that my husband told him he screwed around in our first year of marriag, but he'd been good this whole last year.

I don't know if I can handle being with him if this is true, but we have two kids and i dont think I could leave him just on assumption.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    To begin im sorry you're under this kind of stress. The part of your story that seems disturbing is that not only did he have contact with his ex(obviously secret to you), they had contact several times over a period of time. If they had children together or some property issues I would understand but, there is absolutely No reason why he should even have contact with her. Okay but you still moved forward and now his best friend is telling you he's cheated. I see a pattern and a lot of red flags. Ask yourself and answer yourself very honestly, " What does my husbands best friend have to gain by lying to me? If you cant think of anything, chances are he's telling the truth. Now weather your husband admits to it or not is a different story.... Bottom line is this, you confront him and tell him you a have a source and if it comes down to it and you need to tell him who, then by all means do it. You need to decide what is important to you and if he still denies it, then you need to rely on what your gut tells you. The rest is up to you, as far as if you should stay or not. Will you be happy? Will you live the rest of your marriage in doubt? I see how you are concerend for your children but, if he has cheated or you just cant handle the lack of trust, you need to do whats best for everyone in the long run, and having seen many people stay together through infidelity for the sake of the kids, I can honestly say few have had a good outcome. Ask, listen, really meditate on the information and your gut feelings, and then make a decision. If you believe in God, I would also pray for some wisdom and guidance and strength to endure whatever solution is as at hand. I hope all the best for you.....

  • 4 years ago

    Who knows... I found this site close to three years ago and it has been an addiction ever since... And don't let me say I am over the addiction because as soon as I proclaim to have it "under control" It rears its ugly head again and BOOM! Before I know it I have sat here for more than two hours straight... I have met up with some interesting people along the way and some who were just down right freaky... Also there have been times when I am not goofing off I feel like I really gave someone a good solid answer to help them feel their way through what they were going through... It is hard to leave, consider you may but to actually leave, may prove hard although anything is possible so I wont even say never for myself...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I used to be in the military and know that the cheating spouses was all over the place during the Iraqi wars. Cheating husbands, and cheating wives too. But based on the information you provided, it sounds like he did cheat. But again, basing an important decision you have to make on an assumption is something you might want to think long and hard about first. You're right with your last statement, leaving him on an assumption may not be the right thing to do. My advice is ask him about it and see what he says.

  • 1 decade ago

    First of all you don't just have an assumption; you have proof with the cell statement!

    I think that your hubby is a hero. So tell him thanks...

    I think that your husband hooked up with his ex because of what you stated in your answer he was scared and that is just something you will be able to accept or not. As far as the best friend talking trash... don't believe him. The Friend may just want some sex from you!

    You are the only one who can truly answer this question. You know what you can tolerate.

    If this is any help sleep with your ex and deny it as he is doing. That is bound to make you feel better.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I've had a few exes come back and so did my exhusband, just to chat a bit for a while. I "caught" him talking to his first love from highschool, and decided not to be offended, since I was better at not getting caught talking to mine. We did not divorce because of cheating. We were not virgins when we met and we both had prior meaningful relationships. A few times a year chat is not all that unusual and sometimes lunch. Even though I am single and so is my highschool sweetheart, we broke up for a reason. We care about each other as people. Just person to person. It's nice to know he or she still cares but has moved on. The old bitties like to gossip.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well I think he cheated!!!! My husband did the same thing to me with the phone and once I broke into his e-mail I couldn't believe what I found out. I had I girl stating what a wonderful lover he was.He denies it to this day but I know better.Our daughter is 18 and it would be easy for me to leave but I didn't. I really hated him for what he did and still have a hard time with it. You don't have to leave but I would trail his every move. We women have very good instincs so if you think he is it is probably true.Do you love him enough to forgive him and give it another try?Good Luck and may you find out the truth.

  • 1 decade ago

    You're telling us that you think that he has change so give him the benifit of the doubt and trust him again. Give him your full trust. Now in the event that he srew things up again then you have to think and confront him about it. Because you also need to think about your kids welfare. I hope that things will be alright between you guys, Godbless your family.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would confront him about the first year of marriage and how you got that information, once a cheater always a cheater.............. Has his guilt caught up to him? Just let him know that if it ever happens again - you'll be filing for child support!

  • 1 decade ago

    It's sounds like it's possible.

    You have to talk to him and decide if you trust him. If you trust him, let it go and move on. If you don't it's going to effect your relationship for a very long time.

  • 1 decade ago

    He definitely cheated, you poor thing. You should walk away with your diginity. Don't give him a second's thought!

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