GUYS - I have a question regarding PORN?

I have been in a relationship with the father of my daughter for almost 5 years. I used to work in a porn shop when we first got together (no thats not how we met) and we used to watch them together. I started to get tuirned off of it so I stopped. I then later find out he was still watching porn behind my back. Even spent $100 in one month on it without my knowledge.

Anyway, long story short, everytime I turn around he is watching, looking at, or doing SOMETHING that involves naked women. I have threatened to end our relationship over this and he still does it. He says it has nothing to do with me.

PLEASE tell me, does it have anything to do with me? I have tried everything! I have given him more sex, I have tried watching it with him again...

It makes me feel very badly about myself, knowing that he is gawking at these women with perfect skinny bodies and the like. Please help me to understand why he is doing this. I've even called him a porn addict.

Give me a guys perspective!

12 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He's addicted to it.......

    Don't feel bad about yourself for a start, it's his problem NOT yours... guys are very visually stimulated and that's why porn can be addictive.. trust me he probably doesn't notice the actresses bodies anywhere near how much you think he does it is the act altogether that he getting the stimulation from......

    So firstly tell him he is addicted to it.... you got bored of it and he didn't (frankly how come i don't know they all get very samey after a bit...) he should try cutting back and if loves you he will....

  • 1 decade ago

    [1] This isn't the problem, but nothing chaps a guy's hide more than a woman who starts out all sexy and then changes - wham! - just like that he's got new rules to a game he thought was long since settled. Frustrating as hades.

    [2] If he can't agree to watch them only with you, he's got a problem. Some guys just let them burn into their brains. It's a clinical deal. Not all of us do that, by the way. It's part of addictive behavior which can be altered but takes a *ton* of effort.

    [3] We don't compare what we have to what's on the screen. It has nothing to do with you in the sense that he'd look if he was nailing Salma Mayek and Ashley Judd and Scarlett J. all at once.

    [4] It has everything to do with you in that he isn't listening, or understanding, or respecting your wishes.

    [5] I would honestly say about 0.5% of all women in porn have perfect bodies or anything even close to it. The overwhelming majority of them are very average with makeup and a big hairdo - they aren't great looking - I personally can't stand big stupid fake boobs and lip injections. It's the *attitude* they project - no matter how much they are faking it - that they enjoy sex and want the guy. THAT is what is sexy.

    It just sounds like he has addictive behaviors. Search the free portion of ERIC to find out more: http://www.eric.ed.gov/

  • 1 decade ago

    Men are hardwired to crave sex with as many healthy young women as possible. Some men try to make the dream into reality. Some sublimate the impulse through drinking, eating, devotion to God, or hobbies. Some jerk off. Alot.

    The ubiquity and relative quality of porn is at an all-time high. We are truly living in a golden age of porn.

    It doesn't have anything to do with you--unless he is failing to fulfill his duty towards you as your man and the father of your child. If he can't pay the bills and you don't get your fill, it has become your business and he might need help.

    It sounds like you have made an honest effort to meet him half way. Ask him to return the effort. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, if you have given him more lovin' in the bedroom, and he still wants to look at naked chicks, then I would definetly say he is addicted. Be carefull, because I think you may be in for a huge hurtin', if ya ain't alert. You seem like a really nice lady and to get stomped on would be a real bad trip, for someone who cares like you do. I do hope it works out for ya, and Peace be with you!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Been in that situation, leave him alone! it's not he's wishing these women are you, it's the nature of the beast. But, make sure that he's using this to turn him on to you and only you. If he's obsessive about it, and not respecting your opinion, re-evaluate your relationship. If you no longer want to participate, do something to help yourself esteem.

    maybe the two of you can visit sexyandsensual.net to pick out movies that make you both comfortable.

    good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    girl I think that he is addicted to porn, maybe you should stop threatening & start talking (seriously). If he can't stop him self maybe he needs counseling, maybe you can go together. Porn can be addicting but this is too much for any woman to handle.

  • 1 decade ago

    He's addicted.....If you really want him to stop go pack your bags and stuff like you were going somewhere and then hold your daughter in front of him.......The point of that was to make him feel guilty and he might just stop.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know why women always assume that a man watching porn has something to do with them. A man can be perfectly happy with the woman that he's with and still want to view porn. It has nothing to do with the woman he's currently seeing. Why does he still want to watch porn? Who does it have to do with? I'm not sure... I can't really answer those questions for someone else, all that I can tell you is why I think I still want to watch porn even though I'm in a satisfying sexual relationship with my wife.

    I've been married for a little over two years now to a woman who I've known for a long, long time. Before we got married I used to use porn as a tool for sexual release. I have gone for long periods of time without a sexual partner and this was my only means of getting that release during those times. I had done it so long that it has been hard for me to stop, even though I have a great sex life now. My wife has expressed her displeasure with this and I have vowed to stop, even though I have, from time to time, secretly viewed porn behind her back (an issue of trust for her that we've fought over)...

    I don't know what to say about why I still want to look at porn. I love my wife, find her very attractive, and am very satisfied with her sexually. I just find it easier to masterbate sometimes. Sex is great, sex it fun, and sex is wonderful... but sex is also a lot of work. And there's a whole lot of stress that comes along with it sometimes (maybe most of the time). I'm always worrying about her needs, her feelings, her satisfaction... I'm worried that she'll find what I want to do gross or disgusting- or maybe just plain boring. I worried that I'll just be no good... so I try hard, and I try harder, and I try until I can't try no more. This all can take hours... that may sound great- sex for hours! But as great as it may be sometimes, it's also a lot of work, and a giant physical and emotional drain. All that I want sometimes is that quick release and then to be done with it, no one else to worry about and nothing else to do buy please myself and get on with the rest of my day (or night). It's just so much easier sometimes.

    But why the porn? Why can't I just use my wife for that? It's true, I have used my wife from time to time for the quick release that I've talked about; and she says its fine, no big deal- but how many times over how many years can you do this without reprocussions? How many times can I get off without worrying about her and still not have her think that I only think about myself? Porn takes that question away. Like I said, there is no one else to worry about.

    My wife worries about all the other women in the porn... that if it was just naked pictures of her that I was looking at, that'd be fine. But for some reason that's just not enough. Why? I don't know... men like variety I guess. It's incredibly boring looking at the same picture over and over again... so I keep looking for different pictures of different women until I find something that strikes me and I go with that. Should I bother my wife with posing for pictures every time that I'm in the mood to look at something? How much of a pain would that turn out to be? Even if she agreed to it at first, it would get old real quick.

    What it all boils down to is this women: it has nothing to do with you (sometimes it might, though, everybody is different). Men just need things sometimes that even we can't explain or even begin to understand. As long as we don't cheat on you, or treat you any differently... why not let us look at a little porn now and again?

    Of course I could be wrong about all of this, he could be a porn addict- and then so could I. All of this could just be me making excuses... I just fail to see if I'm happy with her and she's happy with me.... why does anything else matter?

  • 1 decade ago

    Many men just love the visual thrill of porn.

    Like it or not, we just have to deal with it.

    It has nothing to do with you, at all.

  • 1 decade ago

    yep he is pretty much an addict and he is not going to change because he does not want to.

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