How can I help my guy about his impotency?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Impotency is a very vague term. He may be a normal man, who has a very bad experience of sex, making him impotent psychologically. Help him with yours encouraging remarks during sex. If little bit erction is there, help that erection with yours acts. Never ever show to him that he can't satisfy you. Once his fear is over, he will be more active. If it is medical, then better take him to a Doctor.
Top 10 Ways of Identifying a Low-Libido Partner
Here’s my TOP 10 ways to identify a Low Libido (LL) person…
First off, the odds of landing a LL guy or a guy who will have a
substantial low libido problem at some point in your relationship is
about 20%, which is way higher than most folks think. This is based on
some of the research I’ve read. Sorry I don’t have the citations, but
check the Journal of Marital and Family Counseling for starters.
FYI, the odds of landing a similarly LL wife (or one that will turn out
LL) for the guys is 60% based on the same research. Give or take 5%.
While predicting who is and who isn’t going to be LL is difficult, I
have seen some common themes from being on the low libido board for 5+
years. A Low Libido (LL) person typically:
1. Has no time or inclination towards sexual topics, items or subjects.
This could be porn, lingerie, certain T.V. shows, books, pictures, etc.
It does nothing for them, or precious little. If this is true for your
guy, beware. Double beware if they are turned-off and disgusted by any
or all of the above. Porn is controversial, but guys are generally more
accepting and responsive.
2. Has no sexual fantasies. This is huge and consistent. Most of us,
when we ask our LL spouses what their sexual fantasies are, they report
that they don’t really have any. Or have very few or something very
tame, like sex in a water bed or something. Not all fantasies have to
come true (like three-somes) but sexually healthy people do have
fantasies and have them on a regular basis. They don’t have to work on
thinking about sex. To a high libido person, thinking and fantasizing
are as natural as gravity.
3. Thinking, talking and having sex is a chore. Generally, LL folks lose
energy when they have to relate on a sexual level, and they tire of it
easily and quickly. HL generally gain energy as the level of sexual
tension increases. Sex increases the well-being of people with high
sexual thresholds, and not having sex bothers and hurts them on many,
4. Low libido people are generally easily and quickly satiated. Read an
article below concerning LL from a sensory integration framework for
more detail. In a nutshell, after having sex, the LL person will be
satisfied for a longer period of time. They get irritated in a major way
if they just finish having sex (meaning it was just an hour, a day, a
week or even a month ago) and their partner tries to initiate again too
soon. For HL folks, the more they have, the more they seem to want.
5. The LL person will generally have more boundaries and limitations on
sexual practices. There are a slew of us on here who have partners who
refuse to have oral sex with us. Some are okay with giving and more are
okay with receiving, but it is almost universal that our LL partners
will have some aversion to oral sex in some way. Or in any way, as in
the case with my wife. The absence of variety and kinkiness may relate
to the dearth of a fantasy life for LL people. 69ing is not a regular
component of the menu for any of us HL CL folks.
6. Kissing. There are a bunch of us who have partners who refuse to give
us open-mouthed or long, deep, passionate kisses. If your fiance isn’t
looking for your tonsils (in apparent sexual frustration) I’d be
concerned. But that’s just me.
7. Initiating. This is also a sore spot, as most HL people on this board
complain that if they don’t initiate, nothing is going to happen. Or
they have given up, simply because they have been turned down so often.
The LL partner generally initiates on an infrequent basis, if at all.
8. Talking about sex is different. The LL partner generally talks about
"giving it up" or "giving the person sex" or "giving in", and refers to
the other partner as the one "getting it" as in "I just gave you some
(last month), and I can’t believe you are interested in getting it
again!" While the HL person may use similar language, such as "Pleeeze?!
Can I pleeeeze have a little somethin’?" They are more likely to refer
to it as a shared experience. The HL partner’s fantasy includes being
with someone who truly enjoys being with them, finds them sexually
exciting, really, really wants to jump their bones and responds with
lust, desire and passion. All of these components indicate a more shared
experience from the HL standpoint. Our partners frequently view it from
the standpoint of enduring it and wanting to get it over with.
9. Sex is not worth the effort. Often there are many obstacles to having
sex, including work, schedules, physical stress, children, intramarital
tensions and other factors that make sex a goal that seems far away. For
the LL person, there is a very finite amount of energy that should be
expended towards sex. If there are conflicts or obstacles, sex quickly
gets put on the back burner. Circumstances sometimes warrant this, but
the HL partner will almost always find ways of overcoming or working
around these obstacles. The LL person will allow circumstances control
and ultimately crowd out time, energy or thoughts of sex. They are often
too tired for sex. The HL is more often too tired of NOT having sex!
10. Hostility towards discussing the topic. Generally, the LL folks
regard having to discuss the clashing libido issue as pressure, which
leads to #9. They will generally avoid the subject and definitely avoid
discussing the problem or deny that there is one at all. Included in
this is shifting responsibility back to the other partner. The problem
should be a shared concern, not just a matter of fixing one person or
the other. Chances are, both partners have contributed and both need to
be involved in mending the relationship.
- Anonymous6 years ago
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