Can you tell me if there is anything wrong with my essay??

Shipping Docks of the World

It was there on that deserted peace of woodland property in the north GA Mountains

that I was going to prove to all that had any doubted the ability of the 116 Falcon Field

Air Force Division. That we were and always would rain supreme on that day and

And any other day; Enduring forever more.

It was about 5:30 I guessed since I had no device to assure me of this. “Still one

strenuous hour before the light of day started to push back the eerie darkness” I thought.

That’s when it started, Standing Val (The People that are always in your face yelling out you) started to unleash their military absentee with

whistles blowing and voices bellowing with the words “Let’s Get them up! Let’s Go!

Today! This is all that seemed to pierce the silent night. My battle buddy and I jumped

up, unzipped our tent and fumbled outside into the piercingly fridge cold. We stood at

attention with an almost embalmed like stature waiting for further orders. This day would

be the hardest day of mental and physical endurance. “The last one always is,” I thought

to my self” This is the one day that really separates the victorious form the forgotten.”

Then the order to move out was given and we started our march into the piercing

night. After about an 8th of a mile we came out into a clearing and we could make out a

paved road. We were then commanded to start the rigorous exercise of “Man Down.”

This exercise consisted of running with 40bl rock to simulate a wounded solder. After

this exercise you really have to stay in tune with your body to keep it moving or the

toxins will build up in your mussels and this can make even the most simply tasks turn

into an agonizing event. We had a few moments of rest which is crucial not so much for

your body, as some would suspect but more for your mind because this is the truly the

weak link for survival. We then started back towards base with the light now slowly

seeping into the crevasses of darkness and this gives you a since of cognizant and

orientation. It all seemed too surreal now to think just months ago after my 15th birthday I

was eager and enthusiastic to start my new life with fresh experience in the Civil Air

Patrol. This new life promised one of purpose, advancements and team building

camaraderie and it was this camaraderie that now seemed almost inapplicable to achieve.

It was only because of one of my fellow comrades taping on the shoulder that had

brought me back to our present situation.

We were then slothfully marching back into the camp sight.

Once there we were sharply instructed to bear our battle dress uniform, which consisted

of a fire retardant pare of camouflage pants a shirt

and leather combat boots. We were only justified 2 minutes to deem our uniform and this

makes the task of combat boots even more problematic. Reconciling this ordeal Standing

Val progressively enlightened the morning by allowing us to indulge in our parcels that

we had been packing. Truth be told even Standing Val has to revitalize their energy level

from time to time. After this short endeavor we marched up a slim embankment when

suddenly like a clap from the heavens machine gun fire unfastened from a forward tree

line after what seemed like hours the fire silenced. It is only now that I can seem to be

able to remember these events. I stand her now standing on the docks of the world

thinking about how this great event has shaped, molded and sharpened the inner soul and

the man that I am today. Most would think that standing on the docks of the world would

mean that I am surrounded by one of the great shipping ports of the world but not to me.

For me standing on the docks of the world is a metaphor for the opportunities yet to be

discovered and how this event and ones like it have for ever shown me how to go when

people say it can’t be done and to run when others walk to risk when others hide. To

borrow a fraise from one of the great finance majors Robert T. Kiysaki “If I act like every

body ells I am no better than every body ells” and this for me is a very profound

statement for in the way that I carry and interact in my life.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Shipping Docks of the World

    It was there on that deserted peace of woodland property in the north Georgia mountains that I was going to prove to all that who had doubted the ability of the 116 Falcon Field Air Force Division, that we were and always would rain supreme on that day and any other day; enduring forever more.

    I guessed it was about 5:30 although I had no way to confirm this without a watch. Still one strenuous hour before the light of day started to push back the eerie darkness. That’s when it started, Standing Val (the people that are always in your face yelling out you), started to unleash their military presence with whistles blowing and voices bellowing, “Let’s get them up! Let’s go! Today!”

    The shouts pierced the night. My battle buddy and I jumped up, unzipped our tent and fumbled outside into the piercingly fridge cold. We stood at attention with an almost embalmed like stature waiting for further orders. This day would be the hardest day of mental and physical endurance. The last one always was that way. This is the one day that really separates the victorious form the forgotten.

    Then the order to move out was given and we started our march into the chilling night. After about an 8th of a mile we came out into a clearing from which we could make out a

    paved road. We were then commanded to start the rigorous exercise of “Man Down.” This exercise consisted of running with 40 pound rock to simulate a wounded solder. After

    this exercise you really have to stay in tune with your body to keep it moving or the toxins will build up in your muscles which will make even the most simply tasks turn into an agonizing event. We had a few moments of rest which is crucial not so much for your body, as some would suspect, but more for your mind, because this is the truly the weak link for survival. We then started back towards base with the light now slowly seeping into the crevasses of darkness givng us an awareness of our location.

    It all seemed too surreal now to think just months ago after my 15th birthday I was eager and enthusiastic to start my new life with fresh experience in the Civil Air Patrol. This new life promised one of purpose, advancement and team building camaraderie and it was this camaraderie that now seemed almost impossible to achieve.It was only because of one of my fellow comrades tapping on the shoulder that brought me back to our present situation.

    We were then slothfully marching back into the sight of the camp. Once there we were sharply instructed to bear our battle dress uniform, which consisted of a fire retardant pair of camouflage pants, a shirt, and leather combat boots. We were given 2 minutes to dress. This can be a problem with combat boots. After this, Standing Val allowed us to indulge in the parcels of food that we had been packing. Truth be told even Standing Val has to revitalize their energy level from time to time!

    After this short endeavor we marched up a slim embankment when suddenly like a clap from the heavens, machine gun fire chattered from a forward tree line! After what seemed like hours the fire silenced. It is only now that I seem to be able to remember these events.

    I stand her now standing on the docks of the world thinking about how those events have shaped, molded, and sharpened the inner soul that has made me the man I am today. Most would think that standing on the docks of the world would mean that I am surrounded by one of the great shipping ports of the world but not to me. For me standing on the docks of the world is a metaphor for the opportunities yet to be discovered. It means that the events I went through have forever shown me how to proceed when others say it can’t be done, and to run when others seek a place to hide. To borrow a phrase from one of the great finance majors, Robert T. Kiysaki, “If I act like every body else I am no better than every body else.” That is a very profound statement that has affected my life and which I will always carry with me.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If I was your instructor and you presented this essay to me I would have to give you an F on it. There are way to many spelling errors, to many grammer errors, your paragraphs are to long and are more run on sentences and the entire paper lacks smooth flow, comprehendable content and it seems more like you are relaying an answer to a question than writing an essay. It has nothing to do with the title, "Shipping docks of the world" and it lacks an introduction, a thesis and a closing summary.

    Source(s): I just took a course in creative writing and this essay would not have passed my instructor
  • 1 decade ago

    Proofread for spelling errors, repeated words, run on sentences. Read the paper to yourself and see what sounds right and what does not. This is way too long for me to go through and correct for you. I will tell you that there are several problems here.

  • 1 decade ago

    In the first sentance, change peace to piece.

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  • 1 decade ago

    u made 2 huge paragraphs, u might want to structure it better

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