From a reasonably well-adjusted, successful gay 30-something: Is the "f" word in reference to ourselves OK?

I'm curious about what others in our community think...the operative word being "THINK."

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    The thing about identities is this, we choose our own labels. Don't let other people label you. I identify as both a d yke and a f ag. these have to do with my OWN internal dynamics and whatever dynamics fit those terms for me. I do not call other people fags unless they tell me that this is how they identify and wish me to identify them.

    I love labels so long as I choose the ones I wear, what they mean, when and how I can stretch them out, change them, add to them, subtract from them, or discard them.

    I am a fag and F*ck used to be used in reference to farming. Words change over time when people change them, because it is people who created their meaning in the first place, hense we have etymology, the study of the history of words. Words have history. They also have present, and presumably they have future if we create those.

    Q ueer used to be an increadibly vile word. people used to play games like "smeer the q ueer" etc which was in reference to queer-bashing and little kids (myself included) used to play this game (i didn't know what it meant at the time)

    Will I mind if a stranger calls me a f ag? Yes! I would mind if a person called me G ay. (I am queer, I am a f ag, I am not g ay. Identity is an intimate thing that I choose to define for myself. If we took just 11 categories of sex and gender and combined them as many possible ways that we could, according to pascals triangle, a mathmatical calculation system, we would come up with a minimum of 2,047 identity variations! I don't appreciate when people assume things about me and my own identity ^_~ There are so many more identities beyond gay, straight, and bi... ^_~)

    A community I'm in has had similar conversations before about words like "Q ueer" "F ag"

    Link below to the group. I'm not sure how far back that thread was but a person could always post another thread ^_~

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's like the "N" word in the African American community. Only they can say it to each other, and it's "OK". This although is not universally accepted entirely within the black community...it still dominates. So, to answer your question...many of us in the "gay" community use it often amongst ourselves. Sometimes it's used in a derogatory manner, sometimes we use it to describe ourselves. But outsiders are frowned upon if they use the term. Outsiders being non GLBT. Also, this practice is not universally accepted in the "gay" community. I hope this answers your question.

    Peace be with you...-Vinny.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would think so, but it probably depends on the context. It's like Blacks calling each other "brother" or that other word. I mean, if another gay person would call me that F word, it would be ok (I'm sure it would be used it jest). Any other person will get kicked in the behind.

    Source(s): Myself.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Words only have the power we give them. Queer use to considered pretty bad. But we took it made our own and it lost all power to hurt. Even with that being said Fa_ does not bother me coming from each other in a playful way. But Fa__ot still bothers me.

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  • Due to the history of the word referencing kindling wood used to burn gay people to death, it is unequivocally not OK.

    If I were to be called the word to my face, I would immediately question the person about the intent of it's use and, if there was not a good answer within 10 seconds, I would be most likely physically attack the person who said the word without asking if they were themselves gay or not.

  • 1 decade ago

    It;s an evil work.. I call my partner it all the time. But only in private. Occasionally in front of a strait friend to get that spit take thing happening.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it's okay. I personally think you can call yourself whatever you want, just be concious of others around you.

  • No I think it is a putdown and should not be used

  • 1 decade ago

    You mean like 'fart blossom'?

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