Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Parents wont let me date an older guy?

Im 17 years old and people tell me that im mature for my age. I've been on a few dates with one of my brothers friends who is 21. I've known him for a while and we really hit it off. Currently, my 21 year old brother is dating my 17 year old friend, and my parents are totally fine with it. My other brother who is 20 has dated as young as a 16 year old. When i talked to my parents about dating an older guy they completely stopped the conversation and said "No way you are dating an older guy. Men are pigs." This is completely sexist and I dont know how to get them to trust me. I can handle myself and I know my limits of what I will and will not do, whether I am being pressured or not. How do I show them that I can be trusted to date an older guy?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    It is hard to ignore your heart at seventeen and having your parents add a forbidding factor makes it even more intriguing at this time when adulthood is so close. Based on my personal experience I highly recommend listening to your parents. Guys that date younger women often have control issues. Driving a wedge between you and your parents is easiest when ones parents are trying to protect you by forbidding you to date the guy. Once he has won you away from your parents the next focus will be to eliminate your friends. He will become “the only person who really understands you” and in return demand unrealistic devotion. At seventeen it does feel neat/special to have someone shed so much attention on you, but by the time you are twenty seven the induced isolation will feel more like a ball and chain and if you have children together your desire to be free will break your children’s heart. If you live to be ninety years old and he makes it to seventy-something that is a long time to be controlled by anyone with many years after to wellow in sorrow for a bad decision at seventeen years old.

    You may not be able to wait, but if you can the best dates come later in life when you know what you want and you are not looking for someone to support you. Try to focus on enjoying your youth because adulthood with all of its responsibilites is just around the corner for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    17 vs 21 is a thin line that is not much different from 18 and 22...depending on the two people. Being a parent myself, I can see why it is OK for your brothers and not you; however, your personality is totally different from your brothers. You say you know your limits and you trust yourself as to not cross them, and you should RESPECT yourself as to not let things go too far. If your serious about wanting to date him, and you think your parents will like him, ask your parents for a chance and see if he can come over for dinner one night. Tell your parents that you are willing to only see him when they can supervise. Soon, if you show them you can be trusted, they will let you see him unsupervised. Even after you are 18, 28, and even after 38, you should ALWAYS respect your parents decisions and ALWAYS know that they have your best interest in mind. There is always a good reason for saying no.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    .... just one more year...that is all you have to wait,. IF THEY SAY NO....YA GOTTA RESPECT AND OBEY THAT!

    I know it is hard, but you have to 'honor' your parents. Trust me, it is not you they don't trust and yes, you think you can handle yourself, but believe me, in the real world....you cannot.

    There are still situations that the best of 17 year olds can step into and not get out of. You may be mature, but nothing makes up for maturity gained while waiting to turn 18.

    Now, be a good girl and wait. You have a whole life to do the things your parents won't let you do now.

  • 1 decade ago

    Parents are naturally more sensitive about their girls than their sons. You cannot blame them for that. Although these days boys can get in as much trouble as girls, if not more.

    So instead of confronting your parents about this, just make compromises with them. You can tell them: "I won't date this guy but I like him and I like to be friends with him for now until I get to know him". Just take your time. Who knows your parents might be right and you could be totally wrong. But if the guy loves you as much as you love him, then he will wait for you until you are a bit older. So don't go on dates with him but see him for brief lunches or coffee. You sound like a mature and sensible girl. But remember that there is a trap out there for everyone! don't fall into one.

    Best of luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I dont mean to sound offensive to men but even most men would agree.......... a 21 year old man who wants to go out with a 17 year old is only after one thing. Sorry........ your parents are right.

    Your brother shouldnt be dating a 17 year old either.

  • 1 decade ago

    Follow all of their requests in the beginning such as being home early and checking in often. Also, try to bring the guy around your parents for dinner and what not so they can get to know him and see that he is a trustworthy guy (if he truly is). You have to build trust between your parents and the guy more so than you.

  • 1 decade ago

    a 21 year old guy and i both had feelings for each other (i'm 17 as well) and my parents didn't want me to have anything to do with him ya know, college guy stereotypes and whatnot, and i was going to wait until i was 18 because it wouldn't seem like such a big age difference. but we grew our separate ways because we knew we couldn't be with each other right away. good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    1. Once you turn 18, date a 33-year-old to get back at your parents.

    2. There are plenty of men who date older women, too. Date someone in junior high if they won't let you go older.

  • 4 years ago

    Go meet them in person. Dress nicely, address them as "ma'am" and "sir", and just be honest. Explain that you're not a "wild child" and that you genuinely enjoy talking to/spending time with their daughter. Promise (and genuinely mean it) that you will respect all of their rules; such as curfew or where you two can go. If this works, then you can slowly build their trust and prove yourself decent enough for their daughter. Good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    some parents are going to be protective to the end, especially when it comes to their kids dating. Best thing is to respect their wishes until you graduate or at least turn 18, and you are living under their roof.

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