Nic
Lv 6
Nic asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Is it terrible to tell a kid she can't go away to college?

I'm sorry dear, we can pay for your tuition and books but we just can't afford for you to live away from home for 4 years. If you're really set on going 6 hours away you're going to need to pay your own room & board.

Is that really awful? There are 3 universities and 5 colleges within an hours drive and the kid in question already has a car. There are also 2 more kids in the family who are going to need an education.

I think tuition and books is very generous, there are alot of kids who have to get student loans...I know I did.

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  • Simmy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think it's reasonable for them to say that they will pay tuition and books but can't afford to pay for housing if the kid has to move away. If the kid wants to go to a far away university, better get those loan applications ready. I hardly know anyone who can afford to go to college these days without taking out some loans. Otherwise, go to school nearby where housing isn't an issue.

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  • 1 decade ago

    First of all, If I read this right, they didn't tell the person that they couldn't go, just that they cannot handle room and board on top of tuition and books.

    6 hours away? Is the college in question out of state? There's an implication there that out-of-state tuition is involved and that's pricey. You already mentioned that there are universities within an hour drive -- the person may have to get a part-time job to afford the commute by car. The person may also consider a low-interest student loan to make up the difference if they want to live on campus at these other schools.

    A good compromise could be that the person make the commute the first year (or half-year) to one of the colleges an hour away. They would take all the classes on MWF so that it would ease the burden of the drive. I had to do that myself one time -- it was rough at first but it fell into a routine eventually and I even had good grades at the end of the semester! Also, if or when the parents see that the person is really going to do well at school and that they want an education bad enough, they may co-sign on that loan I mentioned earlier.

    It isn't terrible to tell a college-aged kid that they cannot afford something if it is the truth. (You did mention that there were other children coming behind them after this person.) All they want is for them to do well in life and if they had the money to send them away to a college 6 hours away, they would probably do it.

    Bottom line is, if this person wants an education bad enough, they will find a way to make it work.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That's definitely not a terrible thing at all! Out-of-state students pay higher fees and that's just a matter-of-fact. Many kids also never even get an opportunity to go to colleges unless they are paying for it themselves, so you are really doing the best that you can to help provide a further education for your child.

    Perhaps, if the child has their mind set on an out-of-state school, you could put up the same money you would have for the in-state school and they could earn the rest, work on loans and grants and financial aid for the remainder?

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  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think it's terrible, and if it's the reality then she/he's going to have to deal with it right. It depends on your childs age too, because if she's still young and isn't going to college yet, then her mind can change! So it's okay, in the long run your kid will thank you for supporting them by paying for their tuition and books, because that is VERY generous and helpful of you guys. When she's older, she will realize what a big help you were and how much harder it would have been by living far away from home!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think a lot of you hold some old views on college. Paying for tuition and books is no longer generous---it's a necessity. Before I get absolutely flamed, I'd like to say that for families like this one, that can't afford college, the kid SHOULD help pay their way. I'm only talking about families who CAN afford to send their kids.

    If you can afford to send your kids, but deny them due to some out-dated idea about "kids being on their own at 18", you're a jerk. What's more, you're a jerk that's putting his/her own child at a massive disadvantage.

    Here's why: The financial aid process isn't all that simple for 17 year olds. The most important thing you guys need to hear is that trying to convince a school that the parents aren't going to pay is nearly impossible. FinAid automatically factors in the parents' income--and convincing them otherwise is a serious, serious problem. If it was easy, all parents would claim their kids were on their own, then slip them money under the table. Hell, it was hard convincing my GRAD school that my parents weren't helping.

    On top of that, there just aren't part-time jobs that can make the top private schools feasible (or even the state schools) It's easy to say to kids that they should just get a job and take out loans, but it's just not that simple. I worked almost full time my last two years of school to pay MY room and board (which was damn cheap, college town prices, single room+bathroom in a rooming house)----but I barely squeaked by, with some credit card debt. Parking fees, rent, food, water, internet (absolute necessity for college students), cell phone = more money than can be made while going to school full-time.

    Now some of you are thinking, "But I worked full time! Kids need to suck it up!". The problem being that to get ahead in the modern college environment, you need to be working in a lab from 3pm to 1am.....or in the library until midnight.....or working an unpaid internship 30 hours a week. That's how you get jobs and grad school acceptances---a college degree isn't good enough anymore. How you can pack in 25-30 hours of work/lab/research, 15-20 hours of class, untold amounts of study time, paper-writing, and assignment completion with a full-time job is beyond me.

    I'm not complaining, I had a great college experience, and mine was paid for, for the most part. But college has changed for the good students---unless your kid's a slacker wasting time, in which case he/she doesn't deserve college at alll, it's just not "generous" anymore to pay, it's necessary.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's absolutely understandable that you can't afford it, not everyone can...

    And there's nothing wrong with her paying her own way through school, you've offered to help her books and tuition..

    That's very generous and if she chooses to live away from home it's up to her to pay for residence or an apartment..

    She has to find out about life sooner or later, it will only make her more responsible and appreciative for all you've done for her..

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  • 1 decade ago

    Help the child to get loans i know most times the parents have to sign on the loans to if they want to go that far away. You should never try to hinder a childs education.. When its time for my kids to go to college i will have the money since i have been saving up since they were born and if i dont have it you better believe i will get it. Work with them and help them get loans and grants so they can go to the college of there choice.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wow you are paying for tuition and books! That is wonderful. I don't see anything wrong with explaining that to her. If she wants to go away to school she will have to work and support herself. I also got student loans and worked full time. I recently went back to school and still am working full time.

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  • 1 decade ago

    And even with your student loans you turned out just fine! If they want to go 6 hours away it might be the best for your relationship! ! ! So what if they borrow a little for school, they will do better if they are paying for some of it themselves!

    Cut the apron string and let them go!

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  • 1 decade ago

    It is very generous. My parents were able to afford for me to get my associates, but they can't afford for me to get my bachelors so I am doing it myself and I have absolutely nothing against them because I understand. It is a normal thing that happens and I don't feel that you are wrong about anything. They could get a loan or apply for scholarships or even get a job. I work full-time and go to school full-time. It's hard, but it is what is takes to get the degree. Good luck!

    Source(s): Me
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