What does it really mean when an ex says "let's stay friends"? Ladies thoughts please??

When my ex ended our relationship she said let's stay friends. What does this really mean?

I know in certain circumstances people who break up do remain friends e.g. a married couple with kids, those who are together very young and grow apart.

Staying friends seems to me to be the exception rather than the rule though!?? My ex ended our relationship and said she wanted to stay friends?

Why do woment say that? Is part of it not wanting to let go consciously or sub-consciously??

How do I best respond to her suggestions of "friendship" if I really want her back?

I know that if I am needy she will pull away?

49 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well, I'm not a woman but I know what "Let's stay friends" means. She wants all the advantages of a relationship - nights out, emotional support, someone to lean on and someone to be the brunt of her temper tantrums when the need arises, someone with whom she can spend a lazy afternoon in the pub, with whom she can have a few laughs ... but when you want something in return? No chance. You're just a "friend". She ended her part of her commitment to the relationship and is asking you to maintain yours. Next time she rings asking if you can be friends and meet for a drink, tell her you are seeing someone else that evening and will have to take a raincheck. She'll chuck her knickers in your face within ten seconds flat, mark my words.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If you want her back then I would stay friends and maybe in time will see the two of you differently again. If the two of you start dating other people that might end the friendship though because the new people in your lives may not be comfortable with that.....especially if you shared an intimate past together. Many women are just very territorial when it comes to being attached with their men and sharing is usually not an option. So if this happens down the line the friendship won't last if you mean to go on with someone else. If your ex starts dating and you still care for her it will only hurt you so that may also be another reason to move on. Best wishes sweetie.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    my husband separated from me 4 weeks ago. He and I have decided to be friends. we DO have a child together, and she is a big part of it, but not all of it. We want to be friends because we do still love and care for each other. We're just no longer "in love" with each other. I believe that sometimes it takes stepping back from the marriage and just being friends for a while to get things back. In other words, there's a reason why she left. Something you did annoyed her more than she can handle. By being friends, you can show her a new side of you, and possibly get her back. Am I making any sense here? I know I've turned over a new leaf with the help of God, and I'm praying that by us being friends, my soon-to-be ex-husband will see that and maybe even without ever telling me, give me another chance. If not, at least I will always have his friendship, and when he comes to visit his daughter, things will be fine between us, and we can enjoy doing things with her TOGETHER. ( she is still very young, and there are a lot of "firsts" for her to explore, and I want to be there just as much as he does.). Anyway, friendship is a good thing, and any broken up couple who can do this has my admiration.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I reckon the most "common" reasoning behind this statement is actually quite selfish in a way...I think that by not cutting the ties completely she feels less vunerable, less cruel and can use this as a safety net!!

    The altruistic reason would be that as grown-ups we should be able to sever ties with someone with whom we have had an intimate/ sexual relationship but be honest if you began a new relationship with someone else who you thought was the person of your dreams would you welcome their x with open arms?...or would you be imagining how things were between them? and if there were still any feelings?

    I t 's great to say how we would like to act but I BELIEVE that when something is over it's over.

    Remember being civil and polite to someone when you bump into someone is different to remaining friends...sad but I believe true.

    You actually sound as though you still hold onto the thought of a reconcilliation which if there is a chance of ..great...but if not to be honest a clean break would probibly be the best thing for YOU.

    Hope things work out for you :0)

    debra

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  • 1 decade ago

    Never stay friends if either one still have feelings for the other. It happened to me nd I was miserable. I ended it because of his porn addiction but stil loved him somehow and at the end it did not work for me in rder to move on.

    If she want to remain friends tell her that to be friends after a break up you need some distance first. She cant leave your bed and ask you to be friends. It is to fresh to go back to face 1... friendship.

    First dont talk to her until you know you are over her and if this does not help and still want to see her then you should realize that deep inside you hope she will take you back.

    I does not work like that. No friendship unless you are totally over her. And how do you know when you are over her? when you start picturing her with another guy and it does not hurt you or make you angry.

    Otherwise, stay away my friend.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It really depends on the person saying it. Sometimes it's the consolation prize, sometimes it means we're not together but if I need a quick f**k buddy, then be available, sometimes it means I'm not interested but I want you close enough so that I can still dominate your life, and sometimes it just means: hey, we've had wonderful times as a couple but it didn't work out and I don't want to lose the friendship as well.

    Hope yours is one of the successful ones.

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  • Skully
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Well, sometimes a woman really does want to remain friends. Whether or not you can do that I don't know. Actually it sounds like you have been needy and may have smothered her to the point where she wants to withdraw as "friends."

    I sense . . . as a woman . . . that your neediness showed in your relationship and she'd tired of it. But does want to remain friends if that is possible. If you continue showing being needy . . . even friendship is not possible.

    If you want her back ... you need to work on the neediness issue which is a big one for needy guys and mature women.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like she's had enough and wanted to break up, but usually women don't like hurting mens feelings and find it hard to be the one to end it so they say "lets be friends" so that to let you know they don't hate you all together. Also if men agree to be friands women don't have to feel guilty about breaking up with their men.

    Best thing you can do is take it on the chin and move on, you never know she may decide she's made a mistake and want you back if you appear to be fine with it all. Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Woman say that mainly for 2 reasons : (1) to make the guy feel better OR (2) she doesn't want her ex to be out of her life so soon.

    If you want her back, just play it cool and wait for her to make the first moves to contact you again. It won't be easy and its not a guarantee that this will work. I'm not sure how long you were together with her and I don't know whether she still has feelings for you.

    I guess you have to figure out this out by yourself. Do you still believe in the relationship and that she still has feelings for you?

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's saying "I feel really bad letting you go, cos I think your feelings will / may have been hurt. I need to do this and still feel good about myself, so I need to let you know you're a fine human being worthy of my friendship, if not my love. So make it easy for me, don't stalk me or get drunk and abusive if you meet me out with a new fella, then I can have the best of all worlds whilst you have to do all the adjusting". Tough but so true!

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