Is there really hostility between stay-at-home mothers and working mothers?

Or did the media create the "Mommy Wars?"

22 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    They're hardly setting up their war rooms, but there does seem to be an undercurrent of resentment there.

    I personally don't care what women do, as long as they have some means of earning their own money. You can be a stay-at-home mother and earn money. My mom gave private piano lessons. My law teacher's wife runs a hair salon in her house.

    I recommend "The Feminine Mistake" as required reading for all mothers, working or at home. It should dispel a lot of myths relating to this issue.

  • 1 decade ago

    More to the point, would You consider the rivalry between Wives with Children (no career) and Wives with Careers (no children) to be "Dummy Wars"?

    Self assertion and the flagrant flaunting of One's earning power is bound to create animosity and antagonism between Women of different social and financial strata. It is the nature of the beast to want to show off one's assets. Every person on the face of the planet does it. Why should working Mothers be any different? Not all Women are in a position to actually obtain employment. Albeit some Mothers choose to remain at home for Their own personal reasons.

    If it sells papers then the media will exploit it to Their advantage.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am a stay at home mom and I do not feel any hostility towards those who choose to work. I stay at home because at this point it is cheaper then paying child care. I have three children and by the time I pay for someone else to care for them, pay of my wardrobe to work, car and gas to get to work, and all of the other essentials for working, I end up not making any money. I have just began working part time from home and I enjoy it. But I also enjoy being at home. I have gone to college and am still continuing my education. The whole point of women's liberation was to give me the option to work or stay at home. It is my choice, not my husbands or societies. I have several friends that work and I give them a lot of respect but by the same token, they tell me all the time that they would never be able to stay at home all the time like I do. They respect what I do. I do have a problem with anyone who makes comments about staying at home being "lazy" or that stay at home moms are not "contributing to society" or any of those types of things. I made my choice based on my families needs and what someone else chooses is their business. I think that it can work either way and every family is different in their needs and situation. The media just likes to take the ideas and opinions of the few and then pit them against each other to get a rise out of the rest of us.

  • DJ
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    One of my best friends is a stay at home mom and I am a working Mom. There is no hostility what so ever. We sometimes joke around and I'll say that I wish I could stay home all day, but we both know that if I did I'd get bored. She'll say I wish I could get out of the house and go to work, but we both know that she couldn't because she'd want to call home 50 times a day to make sure everything was okay.

    So in general, I do not think there is true hostility going on at all.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There's always a little bit. But I think the media is blowing it out of proportion and feeding what were once rather small and insignificant, flames.

    But of the negative feelings that there are, they go both ways. Yes, some women look down on stay at home moms and insist they must be "unfulfilled." And some stay at home moms guilt others for having both family and career.

    And to the answerer below, yes, a career can be very fulfilling to some people. If you don't feel that way, fine, but why add the the lack of tolerance by insisting it can't really be?

  • Yemaya
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I think there really is hostility, but it IS created and perpetuated by the media.

    When I was a stay-at-home mom for four years a lot of my girlfriends that are more career oriented than I were a little miffed (or disappointed lets say) at me, but as we all are educated feminists and friends we were able to work through it.

    When I went back to work some of my family members (that are sahm's) made some off the cuff remarks about my "poor kids" and how they will suffer. Not cool.

    It's a no-win situation sometimes.

  • 1 decade ago

    When I was a stay-at-home mother, I did alot of volunteer work and I was disrespected. Given the choice again, I'd still volunteer for everything but I would lessen the hours and take classes for myself.

    #1 I would have had outside interaction. I could have carried on conversations with my peers.

    #2 I would have dressed more stylishly. I would have dressed to "fit in" with the younger crowd. I would have looked good, instead of "frumpy".

    #3 If some little girl at work could still turn hubby's head, I had something to work with.

    #4 Working Mom got my husband, because I forgot how to be Me.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think some at home moms are hostile toward working mothers, but I also think some working mothers are also hostile toward at home moms. I also believe more working moms would become at home moms if they thought they could afford it. I also have come to believe that some working moms have allowed their children to become problems because by the time they get home to deal with the stresses of the children they are already worn out and it takes more effort than they have left to follow through with discipline. I have friends of each. That is a tough decision for every woman and all are good moms.

  • 1 decade ago

    There really is. My mom is a stay-at-home and she always wants to feel superior for that, but I am working, doing the same as she was/is, and my work also requires upgrading. What I sacrificed are some friendships, but not my child and not my home and husband. Actually, my education is helping me to do home things better than my mom. So she is not quite objective, and every stay at home woman is bitter, because she feels that her life has gone quickly and she did not contribute to this world as human being, but just as a mamo (every mamo is reproducing and take care of youngsters)

  • 1 decade ago

    It's a big media hoo-hah.

    Personally, I think those of us who are NOT stay-at-home moms owe a big debt to those do. There's a constant stream of 'volunteerism' required to make all our children's education and social 'groups' operate successfully. Think about it - some SAH mom helps keep the library program going, acts as the cubscout leader, manages setup for the swim meets, raises money to keep Little League going. Yes, I volunteer,and I donate, but I don't have time to LEAD any of this stuff. Everytime I turn around, one of my SAHM 'sisters' is picking up the mantle, making MY life viable and my child's life more fulfilling. I couldn't be one of them, but I bless those SAHMs, every one of 'em.

    As for resenting me, and working moms like me - why should they? If they are happy with their own choice, which is to be there every day to see the special moments we sometimes miss - why should they care what we do?

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