You aren't attracted to him, dont trust him and dont respect him. That's really all that's important, you should leave him. Get a divorce and part ways. Unfortunately he will still have contact with the kids and get weekend visits. The courts may question his ability to parent with the spanking and lack of income but prepare yourself for him getting weekends alone with them. Being divorced isn't a big deal anymore and it sounds like you will be much happier even as a single mum. (at least you will only have 2 kids to take care of without him). The process wont be pleasant, my mum's divorce lasted 2 and a half years.. but my dad was vindictive and determined to destroy her in the process. She would still tell you that it was the best choice she ever made. Hang in there, get a divorce and make sure you don't say or do ANYTHING that can be used against you until the divorce is finalised. It will be difficult but it's important not to do anything vindictive no matter what he does and how much he deserves it. Keep copies of everything he sends you, and everything you send him too. Don't have an affair, it will just add more complications to an already messed up situation. Once you are divorced, have the custody sorted out and are finally free of all of this... then you will be free to look for whatever makes you happy. Goodluck with it.