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Lv 6
.vato. asked in Politics & GovernmentMilitary · 1 decade ago

Military Spouses...?

I have taken yet another one of those 'newcomers' courses for spouses. After talking with the other husbands and wives today I realized that the military really doesn't treat us very well. I'd like to know a few things that you would change if you could about the welfare of military spouses and families. Thanks!


Maybe I've been in this for way too long but I feel that not only the sponsor is effected by these changes but the entire family. I remember a time when being a part of the military wasn't just about the sponsor. It was about the family and the entire military community. In the past 20 years I've seen a declining interest in both family and community associated with the military.

I’ve found that military spouses really can’t have a say in housing, medical issues, and relocation without a power of attorney or the sponsor present. As far as I’m concerned all of these issues affect the spouse and entire family. That is what I’m talking about!

Update 2:

Just as a note; this has nothing to do with the war. I completely understand that men and women will go to war whilst in the military. I was fully aware of what I was 'getting' myself into. Luckily, my father was also a service member so I had a clue how poorly I would be treated.

I have had great issues in the past with the sponsorship programs during relocation. I have had great issues in the past with military medical insurance.

It's not the class itself that bothers me. It really redundant. It’s the lack of community that I care about. It’s to the point now where a spouse cannot even rent a movie at the shoppette or borrow a library book without the sponsor being present.

Update 3:

jrstina...It's not that simple. When we were relocated to this base my husband was not permitted to take off of work to do these things. I cannot go into housing and decide. HE HAS TO BE THERE. I cannot call up Tricare to tell them that I want to be on standard HE HAS TO DO IT. So, what can I do? Decorate my lovely house? LOL. I cannot even help my husband do these things that I feel I have a right to do. I feel I have the right to be able to go down to the housing office, ask to be put on the list, and then seek out an apartment off base if need be. Can I? Nope! My husband HAS to be there. But if he gets off about a half hour AFTER the housing office closes how can he really help?

He isn't high ranking. He isn't in a leadership position. Unfortunately, the people who are do a piece of crap job if they won't even let people off of work to take care of these things. The people we have come along do not care about what our family needs.

Update 4:

They only care about ‘the mission.’ This leaves us paying $75 a night in a hotel because the person meant to sponsor us could care less if we paid or stayed in TLF.

The person who was supposed to be HELPING us could really care less if we even knew where the housing office was to get into housing.

I'm not the only person with this experience. According to the people I met today--this is an on-going problem.

Like I said, maybe I've just been doing this for far too long but it seems like the military community is gone. It is no longer about helping one another but rather adhering to one's own personal agenda.

10 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have been both a military member and am currently a spouse. I honestly can't think of a single thing I would change other than some of the people that I have come across. What more can you ask for? You have health care, tax free shopping and various things on base, you get paid to move and are moved for that matter, you get dental care for a cheap rate, and I am sure I am leaving other things out. Granted the pay could be better, but most of us don't do it for the pay.

    What are you so unhappy about? You didn't really mention anything in your post/question.

    Okay, you mention having a say in housing. You have a say - base housing or not. Medical issues - you get to decide whether you are tricare prime or something else. If you don't like the on base doctor you saw last time, don't go back. Tell them you want to see somebody else. Relocation - since when have spouse or military member really ever had a say in that? You are at the mercy of the branch of service. We all have our favorite place to be stationed, but you have to realisitic.

    What you have to understand is this. You won't have any of those benefits if it weren't for your husband. I know it sucks, but that is just the way it is. If you husband has crappy leadership in his shop, he needs to go higher. It is his right to make sure his family is taken care of as far as housing and medical go. He can't be afraid to ask for time to take care of these things. If you are having problems at medical, don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call the patient advocate. Be forceful. Worst case they will just tell you that your husband needs to call. You might luck out and find somebody that will help you. Keep calling. You will find that the more questions you ask and the more you keep calling the more information you will gain and the further you will get.

    The key to surviving the military as a spouse is to be proactive. Ask lots of questions!

    I understand what you are saying. There aren't any screening programs to help ensure that the people who sign up to sponsor you are really going to help you. Some people need to feel important, so they sign up for things like this not realizing the you are depending on them. Again, don't be afraid to pick up the phone and make some calls yourself. Find out where things are and then tell your husband.

    Good luck.

    Source(s): Prior service Marine
  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Military Spouse Appreciation Day

  • 1 decade ago

    I have a hard time with your arguments. Mostly because you seem to claim that you're a seasoned wife looking back on the last 20 years of military experience but then you complain about things that are really rookie mistakes. Well, which are you?

    DH and I have been doing this military thing for 15 years now. Early on (say by about year 1 1/2) we knew that if I wanted to get things done that related to the military I was going to need a POA. The Navy has been one of the toughest services on that requiring wives to show some sort of POA to deal with everything from pay problems, ID cards, housing assignments and even sometimes recreational facility reservations.

    Now I'll give you that PSD and even housing have gotten tighter with the rules and now you need a specific POA or permission on other forms to be able to do anything but I recognize that as a reaction to a few wives making huge mistakes, both honest mistakes and "mistakes" with the intent to defraud, when given the power. It's also a reaction to wives coming in and claiming they have the authority and later finding out from the service member that they didn't. I think it's fair that they ask for proof (POA) to prove your sailor does trust you to make his decisions in his place.

    I know it's hard to need that sponsorship when it feels like we're the ones that take care of everything but that has always been the paradox of strong military women. The system isn't perfect but you know it's there. When you learn to work with it instead of against it it's much easier.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am an army wife, and I havent been treated poorly at all. In fact, I am treated pretty damn well when I think of the REAL world and how LITTLE employers care about families. Do you think they give a rip about any of your problems. No, honey, they dont. So the fact that you evey have these people to help you is a major benefit for you. Someone said you are spoiled, yep, you are. You cant even see what is in front of you!! Your needs are taken care of. And if they are screwing you, it is because you let them. Use the "chain of command" for every service. If your medical needs are not met, talk to a patient rep. If they cant help, find someone else who will. If housing isnt helpful, find someone who is. Every civilian agency on post has a military liaison, find them. STOP COMPLAINING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

    I think with all the programs the military has for families, we have it pretty dang good. And the sooner you realize that, the better you will be.

    Oh, and he isnt a sponsor to you, he is your HUSBAND. SPONSOR IS THE MILITARY'S TERM. To them, you might be a dependent, but I would hope he doesnt call you that. I hope you are his wife. Rookie.

    Sniff sniff I got a thumbs down. Wonder who gave me that?

    Source(s): Proud Army wife, 3rd ID
  • 1 decade ago

    I agree it's a tough life for the stay-at-home spouse (not to mention the deployed service member), but how many companies put as much into preserving family life as does the military? None that I know of. It's really not their prime function as a war-fighting machine to make life all nice for the folks at home, but they do put a pretty fair amount of work into it. Aside from any considerations of decency, they do what they can in order to maintain troop morale.

    Source(s): Vet
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am an Army wife and I dont believe we are treated badly at all.. I dont know what part you are meaning, I go to them classes too, and have been to 6 years worth of them now.. The things in the Army are easy to explain to me so I dont need to change anything, stay out of trouble and the Army wont bother you.. Basically that is it, they treat you how you need to be treated, if you are in debt, they are going to figure out what you are doing wrong to pay your bills, if you are fighting they are going to help you with that too.. They are doing what the Military asks of them if you are meaning the higher ranks, if you are meaning the wifes that are whining cause there husbands are leaving, coming home late from work, etc.. Well that is the job of the Military and they are doing there job, these wifes are the ones to stay away from there the ones calling BC when there husbands are not home at 5.. You just need to learn one thing from them meetings, if you go to bed with dogs you get fleas.. The Military is alot like High School.. You ARE judged by who you hang around with.. Good luck hope you start to get the hang of what is going on it is pretty easy, you are now a dependent, so what you feel dont really count.. lol.. good luck tho an welcome to the Military..(aka those meetings are really dumb for the most part)...

  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly, I think a few of the stupid wives who have taken advantage of their husbands being deployed and ruined their lives have ruined it for the rest of us. Even with a power of attorney, it's hard to get things done.

    A major thing that I didn't like was, before my husband's deployment, the group he went with really did a crummy job when it came to a power of attorney. I know the Marines offer hour classes 3 days a week to get these and explain how they work, but nobody was allowed to go. They told them to go to office max and buy one on their own time. This being our second deployment, we knew what to do, but I know most of the guys my husband went with had never been deployed before and had no clue. His last deployment, he wasn't allowed to go until he'd attended the class.

    At least it's gotten easier to contact them when they're deployed. I find myself just doing mundane things around the house, and suddenly needing his advice ... but he's not there.

    Tomorrow, May 12th is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. We need to be reminded, at times; of the important role we fill for our family and for our country.Other spouses get married and look forward to building equity in a home and putting down family roots. Military spouses get married and know they'll live in base housing or rent, and their roots must be short so they can be transplanted frequently.

    Other spouses decorate a home with flair and personality that will last a lifetime. Military spouses decorate a home with flare tempered with the knowledge that no two base houses have the same size windows or same size rooms.

    Curtains have to be flexible and multiple sets are a plus. Furniture must fit like puzzle pieces.

    Other spouses have living rooms that are immaculate and seldom used. Military spouses have immaculate living room/dining room combos. The coffee table got a scratch or two moving from Germany, but it still looks pretty good.

    Other spouses say goodbye to their spouse for a business trip and know they won't see them for a week. They are lonely, but can survive. Military spouses say good-bye to their deploying spouse and know they won't see them for months, or a year, or longer. They are lonely, but will survive.

    Other spouses, when a washer hose blows off, call Maytag and then write a check out for having the hose reconnected. Military spouses have to cut the water off and fix it themselves.

    Other spouses get used to saying "hello" to friends they see all the time. Military spouses get used to saying "goodbye" to friends made the last two years.

    Other spouses worry about whether their child will be class president next year. Military spouses worry about whether their child will be accepted in yet another school next year and whether that school will be the worst in the city...again.

    Other spouses can count on spouse participation in special events...birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, football games, graduation, and even the birth of a child. Military spouses only count on each other; because they realize that the flag has to come first if freedom is to survive. It has to be that way.

    Other spouses put up yellow ribbons when the troops are imperiled across the globe and take them down when the troops come home. Military spouses wear yellow ribbons around their hearts and they never go away.

    I would NEVER say military spouses are better than other spouses. But I will say there is a difference. I will say, without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a price for freedom as do their active duty husbands and wives.

    Perhaps the price they pay is even higher. Dying in service to our country isn't near as hard as loving someone who has died in service to our country, and having to live without them.

    God bless our military spouses for all they freely give.

    It takes a strong woman to love a military man.

    Source(s): Proud wife of a Marine
  • 1 decade ago

    Personally I don't know that I would change anything. I as a army wife have not been treated all that badly. The military isn't there for the spouse or family they are there for the soldier.

  • None
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    why would you be with someone whos going to leave you alone to go to war, that doesnt seem like a real loving husband, i would never do that unless the war was on american soil and there was a true purpose for it. im sorry your being mistreated by the military they should be taking better care but honestly i have to say , you took this on you should just deal with it, your husband is not the only one sacrificing you are too and since it was your choice then i think its fair enough.

  • 1 decade ago

    I guess you can look at diplomats and their families and see if they have things that you can use.

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