Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

What a mess with these 2 guys?

i was dating someone long distance and he was treating me like crap...i met someone else...never really ended it with the original guy...now both 2 guys tell me they love me...and I feel like i love both of them. I am torn..one i could see myself marrying...the other is just so much fun and i have a soft spot for him...help!

Update:

The sex is better with the one who treats me like crap-of course!!

but the other guy is better looking, better job, better person, etc...oh my

25 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Go with the one that treats you better.

  • 1 decade ago

    The great myth of modern society is that you can be attracted and in love with only one person.

    To find life long pair bonding in the animal kingdom is rare, to find those that also don't cheat some (and it's found that even the most monogamous birds often cheat - found through DNA testing), is rare.

    Men cheat 60% of the time and women 40%.

    I don't think it's for the reasons people assume (just sex or for the thrills, etc).

    In fact, I assume that, contrary to social opinion, monogamy isn't normal for all people. Unfortunately, society isn't accomodating to those who want to be both honest and are not naturally monogamous. Open relationships are seriously frowned upon.

    To those who seem to believe people are natually monogamous, assuming the above figures didn't change there mind, there is also the fact that polygyny (“many wives”) is still culturally prevalent on the globe—out of 853 known human cultures, 84 percent permit polygyny. Obviously monogamy isn't as prevalent as many in the west would wish to believe.

    American men, on average, have at least one affair over the course of their marriage,” and recent surveys suggest that the chance of either member of a modern couple committing infidelity at some point in their marriage may be as high as 76 percent—with these numbers increasing every year. Though most people in our culture consider themselves—and are believed to be—monogamous, anonymous surveys reveal that many are so socially, but not biologically.

    In other words, social monogamy frequently masks biological polyamory in an increasingly significant number of couples. It may also be important to note that the prevalent relationship paradigm in the modern West is no longer lifelong monogamy (“till death do us part”), but serial monogamy (many partners sequentially), often punctuated with adultery. Serial monogamy, plus clandestine adultery, is in many respects not too different from polyamory, except that the latter is more honest, ethical, and arguably less harmful. In this context, the mindful exploration of polyamory may help in alleviating the suffering caused by the staggering number of clandestine affairs in our modern culture.

    I am polyamorous. I am very open about my feelings and non-monogamous nature. I always make certain everyone involved is aware and OK before I enter into a relationship (their significant other(s), if they have them, and my wife). Though sex is a component of these romantic relationships, it's no different than anyone with a girlfriend or wife. They are long term and very loving relationships.

    For those who are not monogamous, but not interested in long-term romantic relationships (i.e. sex is the more important aspect) and want to be open and honest with their partner, there is swinging. I"ve never experienced it, so cannot talk about it much.

    I've always wondered why people find cheating (breaking the rules) more acceptable than open and honest non-monogamy.

  • 1 decade ago

    I feel your pain girl. Its so hard to choose between marriage material and a man that sends u on cloud nine. I always wonder if a man exists with both qualities. The best advice I can give u is to choose with your head not your heart. Think about the long term effects. But then again if he was treating u like crap maybe u should choose the fun guy.

  • 1 decade ago

    I've been there and done that. My opinion, let the long distance guy go. Concentrate more on the local guy. If the long distance guy treat you like crap, that is a sure sign he isn't worth holding on to. Another thing, some men will tell you they love you just to get what they want. Remember that! My opinion, actions speaks louder than words!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Look at what you are doing. The guy that treats you like crap doesnt respect you yet you stay with him. Then you have this guy who is nice to you and respectful to you and you lead him on. If you truly love both of them let them both go. One doesnt cancel out the other in your feelings. It could be that neither is right for you. Since you seem so torn about it. How can you truly love someone and hurt them. And how is either one gonna feel if they find out about the other one. If they love you its gonna hurt them. Cool with both for awhile and see who you truly cant stop thinking about.

  • 1 decade ago

    Um, first of all if they guy was treating you like crap in the beginning then he will always treat you like crap.

    Second, you shouldnt just date for fun. It is fun while it last but in the end its not the person you want to be with. So why put yourself through something like that?

  • 1 decade ago

    Long distance isn't worth it unless you really see yourself ending up with that person. Otherwise you are just better off enjoying your time apart, and seeing if the feelings are still there when you can spend some time together again.

  • 1 decade ago

    If he treats you like crap now, it will never change. I went through the same thing. I kept choosing the jerk and he broke my heart a million times. Luckily the nice guy stood by me and now we are happily married with a beautiful little girl!

  • 1 decade ago

    if he was treating u like crap, bets are he always will, no1 deserves 2 go through that, plus, long distance relationships are so crap i know, been there tried, they never work. go 4 the 1 hu treats u better!

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't waste your time on a guy who treats you like crap! Besides, long distance relationships rarely work out.

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