Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

i am divorced.........remarried to a?

wonderful man.....how can i overcome yrs of abuse and mistrust and learn to be a whole, happy, woman. when the smallest thing crops up..i am overcome w/ all this.....i'm to the point, i'd rather die than to try to fight any more.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hit your knees and talk to God. He knows about all that has happened to you and can help you with all the anxiety that has caused. Also, counseling is a must. If the first one you see doesn't help, keep trying until you find one that does. Not every counselor is for every person. You went thru hell...don't let it ruin what should be the good part of your life.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hello Soft Rain,

    I think many of us can identify with your situation. <hug> A lot of us have been where you are for one reason or another.

    I was molested as a kid. I didn't think very much of myself even when I finally learned to trust at least one of those horrible people called men and finally allowed him to get close to me. When he asked me to marry him. I didn't really believe he could love me; it was enough for me that I loved him. He realized I could maybe be a project but he loved me enough to try.

    It was only after several months of tenderness and thoughtfulness that his love made an impact on me. When he picked up my hand one day and began to kiss it, I was amazed that someone would do that to me... and overwhelmed with the sudden realization that he actually DID love me for me... and I burst into loud sobs as that pain, self-disgust, and fear came pouring out of me. I, who had no love for myself, had found someone to genuinely love me.

    The poor guy didn't know what to do... so he just held me close and let me cry. When I could get it together I told him much of what I had never revealed to anyone. I laid my soul bare and shared the most awful feelings... and he loved me anyway. It made us much closer and his love gave me a foundation to heal myself. Such a relief to finally be myself!

    Soft Rain, you have a "wonderful man." Trust him. Give him a chance to know the real you - warts and all. Chances are, he won't go anywhere and he will finally understand the awful burden you've been carrying... and love you anyway.

    It won't be easy to change your behavior because your life has shaped who you are to this point. But you CAN change if you want it bad enough and are willling to try.

    It's almost impossible to love yourself or believe in yourself until someone else loves and believes in you. You, lucky girl, DO have someone to love you and believe in you. You have the support you need to heal right there with you.

    You don't have to fight any more. You really don't. It isn't about fighting, it's about trusting both him and yourself and sharing all that you are with each other. It won't be easy to be vulnerable after all you've experienced ... but this will be an important first step on your path to wholeness.

    If you feel comfortable enough, find a counselor who can give you real methods of continuing to cope and heal. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

    Look up at the happiness instead of down at the shame, Soft Rain. Don't give up; the life you want is just around the corner... just keep walking until you get there.

    Warmly,

    Tara

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    honey, always put your trust in God...i was abused for most of my life, and now i am engaged to a wonderful man who understands. i will pray for you, as well. one thing is to not compare one to the other. that will hurt your husband...i know it's very difficult not to compare, but keep trying. i pray that your emotional scars will heal. God bless you and good luck. have a happy Jesus day:)

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, your really suffering, you should go see a doctor. You need to get help if your having suicidal thoughts.

    Dont hesitate.

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