Anxiety about husbands ex?
My husband cheated on me with his ex once earlier in our relationship. We got past it for the most part but the thought of her around him still makes me anxious. I have gotten to be something like friends with her but it was since then that my husband confessed to what he'd done a while ago. I havn't seen her since he told me this but I know I will this weekend because we are going to visit his family (they always keep her around still). I don't know how to deal because i might want to punch her in the face or confront her. It seems impossible to act like i don't know or act like nothing's happened. I have even been having nightmares about them sleeping together again and me beating her up since i found out last week we were going to visit his family. At the same time, they have 2 children together and i know i need to maintain my relationship with her for them but i just don't see how. Any advice?
- hellyLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
Don't make a scene at a family gathering. That would certainly be the wrong thing to do.
If you feel like you are going to want to punch her, it might be worth seeing if perhaps she could be told not to be there. I think your husband should be able to arrange this, because after all, he's the one who has created this situation. He needs to tell her to stay away while you are there, and tell her why (because you know what happened between them).
I think in this case avoiding her is the best course of action. You don't need to maintain a 'relationship' with her because of the kids. Be civil if you do happen to bump into her, but you don't need to be friends with each other at all, especially as she slept with your husband behind your back.
Make sure you never badmouth her in front of the kids either. This wont help.
- 1 decade ago
It seems a little funny to me that he waited until you established friendly relations with her to tell you about this. As for wanting to punch her in the face, do you want to punch him as well? Technically, he is the one that did you wrong to begin with, as you were involved with him when it happened and not with her. Furthermore, you stated that he did it earlier on in your relationship with him, obviously it has not happened again, and now that you are on friendly terms, she probably will not be as willing to do something like that.
Let me tell you something from experience with this very thing, my ex husband's first wife is my best friend and his 3rd wife was one of my best friends until my ex got involved and messed that all up. He cannot mess first wife and I up, because neither one of us bother with him, but I was talking to third wife because of our kids. He got jealous and got in it and caused one heck of a blow up! Now third wife and I no longer talk and the kids are stressed out all of the time.
Leave that confession where it belongs, in the past. Keep an eye on things, but I am sure whatever that was, it isn't anymore! Do NOT confront this woman, it will make you look petty, to her and his family. Try to keep the boat steady, if not for any other reason then the kids peace of mind!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
To be honest sweety my advice to you is to get a divorce. If he slept with his ex who he has kids by then that says alot. He's not over her and she's not over him. Obviously if his family still keeps her around then they still consider her family. If I were you I would confront her but do it in a manner when it won't draw alot of attention. That husband of yours is wrong and he would be getting punched right along with her.
- treasuredwife69Lv 51 decade ago
You have two options, stay with him and keep it to yourself. Or leave and finding someone new. Seems like your truly in a no win situation. Since there are children involved, it may be the best to walk away. You don't want to punish them down the road for what their mother and father did.