Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

A little psychology question about the behavior of a woman I know. Can anyone shed some light?

I know a woman who seems to have a pattern of unstable decisions regarding men in her life. She has cheated on just about every boyfriend she has had. She has cheated with married men a few times too. She has even gotten caught cheating with married men (a couple of them were husbands of good friends of hers!) This really doesn't seem to bother her. She says she knows it probably isn't right, but it doesn't bother her enough not to do it again. She is 30 years old and is an intellegent, fairly quiet person. She seems to have it together. She is continuing her education, owns a home and has a good job. She had a longer relationship of about 4 years, but recently cheated on him with a married man and got caught. I asked her why she does this. She says she really doesn't know. I can't imagine the couples, families and households destroyed by her. Shouldn't a person feel guilty about this and not want to repeat it. Is this a disorder of some kind? Where is the conscience?

Update:

It's not just that she sleeps around...why does it have to be some form of cheating? Or married men? She claims to be a Christian too! I just don't understand how you could think only of yourself and not about what you could be destroying.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    She has no respect for family bonds, lacking the desire to respect others or at some point making her own. The last could be because she feels it will come back on her so why bother. She has no concept of love, only the need to "feed" off others love and pain. This may go all the way back to her childhood, seems she was not nurtured.

    Could she have lost a parent, like her mother?

    She may also have Daddy issues, if her father cheated constantly. She may be punishing him, by re-enacting this anger with every married man she seduces. Since it seems married men are what she "hunts".

    Yes, a person hurting that much can do so much damage, she may merely be surviving. Telling her she is wrong will do no good. She needs help with her self-esteem, repressed anger, and inability to love. Trust me she is too guarded to let anyone in, so if you are wanting a relationship with her, you should understand you cannot fix her. Don't even try. She needs help, but, it only works if she is ready for it.

  • JustMe
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    She is just a selfish person. She sees someone, is attracted to them and if they're married it adds to the excitement. She may tell herself she is doing nothing wrong because she herself isn't married and these other guys are the ones breaking their vows. She may think that they were going to cheat anyway, so why shouldn't she get something out of it? She's just very selfish and lives in the moment and then puts the blame on the cheating husbands. It's their fault they cheated and ruined their marriages, not hers. So she feels no remorse.

    As for being a Christian. I'm not sure what that's about. We are told when we are baptized we are forgiven for our sins, but that doesn't mean you should keep committing the same sin over and over. She claims to be a Christian, I'm guessing so she can say she has been forgiven by God and therefore that makes her a good person. I don't really know.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you already answered you own question. You asked her why but she doesn't know. I think she does but doesn't want to admit it, even if its to herself.

    But look at the big picture. Not only has she destroyed many families but I'm guessing that she doesn't have any close female friends. And as time goes on even tho right now she has a good job, education etc. time will come where people will start to distance themselves from her both male and female and that's nothing but lonely.

    Also being a christian mean putting God first then others then yourself. Seems to me the only person this women thinks about is herself. Good luck to you, have to have a good friendship with that type of person.

  • 1 decade ago

    hi the psycology of the lady u say is not completely different, but she does such thins just because of her mind acting so in that particular occasion.

    perhaps she never tries 2 recollect her past done things & so she cant be in a position 2 correct herself.

    if u r a friend/wellwisher of her u ought 2 change her mind, by creating a lively environment around her & slowly try to give her a good feedback about the wrong things she has done before.

    please dont abuse her directly about such things because, as a human she cant agree herself 2 be illminded.

    if u try heartfully u can succeed in changing her mind even a little.if u think of the families she broke u may try morecarefully & more patiently.

    such cases r 2 b dealt with lot of affection& a lot of patience. never think about the result u get in this operation but think 2 work sufficiently&efficiently 2 change her

    i wish u 2 b successful in the future steps u take

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  • 1 decade ago

    Oh boy...

    Firstly: She has home, job, etc... so she got her career and money issue settled.. what I can Survival.

    Looking at her pattern: It appears that she is seeking to be feel love/belong and this needs is met particular in the people she meets. But if we look further... i sense an in security in the area of she love who she is. She probably more in love with the ideal of being love the to be in love.

    That's is why she probably keeps on changing partners like changing car tyres.

    She need someone to wake her up... she is not aware of this happening... and just continue with the crazy cycle.

    Suggestion for you... bail out... because you can't change her she can only change herself.

  • Lydia
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    It's just sad. Very selfish and narcissistic. Totally out for herself, and doesn't care who she hurts... not so intelligent after all.

    Don't have her in your life...

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